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Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #1637347
A brief and humorous look at how to deal with an angry husband.
Rinnng. Rinnng. I rolled over and groaned, grappling for the phone. This had better be good!  I was six months pregnant, and that blasted alarm clock was set to go off in three hours.


"You are never going to guess where I am!" I shot up in bed at the sound of my husband’s voice, vibrating with barely controlled anger. Startled by the sudden movement, junior delivered a round of karate kicks, as if he too was angry.

“Ummm, where?”

"The New Miami Police Station!"

I blinked. "What—are—you—doing—there?" I drawled out each syllable. Had Mitch been attacked?

“I got pulled over for running a red light!”

Okay, that wasn’t what I was expecting. “Sooo, you were arrested for running a red light?”

“Noooo! This woman cop used the expired tags on the Honda as an excuse to throw around her weight,” he ground out. “I have never been so humiliated in my life. You’d think I was a common criminal—”

“Wait!” I interrupted. “Back up! What exactly happened?” My internal warning bells were blaring. The Honda was mine. Expired tags? This was not good.

“You know that light by your sister’s? Well, that’s the light. I had to take Chris home, remember?  Anyway, I was sitting there, and when the light turned yellow in the opposite direction, I let off the brake. You know—just started eeeasing out. It was midnight for crying out loud! I don’t care if it is a no-turn-on-red light. There wasn’t a soul coming. But did that matter? Noooo! So, this witch pulled me over for running the red light. And when she ran the tags, guess what?  They were expired."

Definitely not good!

“I thought for sure you renewed them,” Mitch continued.

Uh, oh. Right then playing dumb seemed like the smart thing to do. “Ummm, I thought they weren’t due until November. That’s when we bought the car, right?”

“Jenny, they were due on your birthday!”

Perhaps a little redirection. “Oh! Well, why didn’t the cop just let you park the car at Mandy’s? You were what? Twenty feet from the driveway?”

“THAT’S what has me so steamed!” I could hear his teeth grinding. “I asked, but no, she had to tow the car. Does that really make sense? I have never been so mad in my entire life. I haven’t even gotten to the best part. She handcuffed me. She actually handcuffed me!”

“She did what?” Phew! 

“She handcuffed me and put me in the back of the cruiser, like I was some common criminal. Look. I just need you to come get me. Okay? Do you think you can do that?”

“Sure.” Like I could say no. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” As I hung up the phone, I slid my legs over the side of the bed and groaned again. The alarm clock taunted me – 1:00 A.M. "Sleep? Who needs sleep? Besides, Jenny dear, you owe that man big time."

By the time I arrived at the police station, Mitch was even angrier. He was sitting alone in the waiting room; his face was flushed a bright red, and his eyes were snapping like the Fourth of July. The bulging veins in his neck weren't pretty either.  I could see the headlines now: "Law abiding citizen has stroke after being arrested for running red light." Thankfully, no one else was in sight.

“Come on, honey. Are you ready to go?”

“Yes.” he jumped up out of his seat and strode toward the door. At the last minute, he turned back down the hall and yelled, “Let’s get out of here! I feel like I’ve murdered someone.”

“Okay, okay! Let’s go.” I grabbed Mitch’s arm and turned him back toward the door. He was still glaring over his shoulder, daring the police officer to show her face again. “Come on. Move it!” Like an ant trying to push a raging bull out of the way, I shoved Mitch's six-foot-four frame with everything my little five-foot-two had to give.

Later, I saw the police report, and he was described as belligerent. Yep, that sounded about right. However, at that moment, I was torn between being glad my normally mild-mannered husband was still ticked off at someone else and being terrified that he was still going to get arrested.

Thankfully, I managed to get him out the door and into the car. All the way home, he ranted and raved about the power-hungry cop. Of course, amidst the ranting came the subject I was dreading. It was time to pay the piper.

“And why didn’t you get the tags renewed?”

“Honey, I don’t know what I was thinking.” I glanced at him with my best 'I’m so sorry' look. “I honestly thought the tags were due in November when we bought the car.” I took my hand off the wheel and rubbed my rounded belly. Shameless really—playing the ‘I’m the mother of your child’ card. Unfortunately, the look he sent me said loud and clear that it wasn’t working.

However, I wasn’t going to quibble. I was guilty. But, no matter what I had done or not done as the case was, I knew Mitch was far angrier with the female officer than he was ever going to be with me. Besides, he loved me. All I had to do was let him vent. So what were a few hours of sleep? Seemed like a small price to pay.

We crawled into bed around 2:00 with Mitch still grumbling about how he had never been so humiliated, but he was staring to slow. Hmmm, I might actually be able to just gently drift off. He doesn’t really need a response. It was in the middle of this drifting that I heard it.

"Well, that makes three tickets I’ve gotten now."

Whoa, how many? My eyes popped back open.

"Threeee?" I held up two fingers and pretended to be counting the two I knew about. "Ummm, you have something to tell me?" Now, he had the deer in the headlight look.

Yes! I just grinned, rolled over, and fell asleep!

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