Confessions of a Insecure Teenager

What I need to say but can't.

I need to tell you this my friend
But I can't bring myself to say it.
I say that I simply do not like you.
That is not the truth.
I am jealous of you.
Not envious of something you have
but honestly jealous.
I feel threatened by you.
You want to be friends with my friends.
You like the boy I like.
You watch the shows I watch.
You like some of the things I like.
We share similar beliefs.
We both are smart.
You strive to be different.
As do I.
I feel like you want to replace me.
Which you probably don't.
I don't know how to deal with this
So I choose not to like you.
I am mean behind your back.
I know it's wrong.
I am one of the very people I hate
But I don't know how to stop.
Except to tell you this and put it behind me.
I am too afraid.
Afraid of what you'll say.
Afraid of what you'll think.
Afraid that you'll tell others
and of what they'll think.
So instead I continue to sit under this mask
Which I doubt fools anyone.
And go on being this ugly thing I hate.
I want you to know this,
But I can not tell you.
I am afraid.