July 27, 2008

A description of how I feel in my eating disorder. 13 years old, U of Iowa Hospital

Every day is such a struggle
It's so hard to look inside
Wondering if I'll ever recover
Ever again feel my pride
So much sorrow is held within
I hope no one sees the mask
But maybe then they could help me
It's just too hard for me to ask
Daily rituals and rules
Govern what I can or cannot do
Slowly happiness deserts me
I can no longer see what's true
A voice whispers in my ear
"You can't eat that or you'll gain weight!"
While my family is concerned
They try to help before it's too late
Days to weeks to months to years
Each time it's harder to resist
I try to keep on going
But it seems the only way I can exist
Eventually I'll see the light
And decide I need to let this go
Truly changing is the next step
So my inner self can always show