by bob county
| Fun Movie !
Lots of naked women: wreastling, running about, getting a spanking
having a food fight.
Story Line- Women have gone mad. A mix up at a pharmceutical plant;
substitutes contraceptives for mind altering drugs. All inabitions
Actors: Sandra Bullock as the crazed starter wife.
Runs naked through the courtroom and leaps on the bailiff
for rutting. She is quickly tazard and placed in a holding cell
with Lady Ga Ga. They have lesbian sex and make a music video.
James Bond 007
Questions: Your a secret agent and you use the same name on every mission?
What if Bond used a disguise?
A mustache and shaved head?
Do you really need a fast car to be a 00?
I thought the British goverment was making budget cuts?
James Bond can use a rental car.
He's suppose to have a low profile! You know; so he can spy without being noticed.
No more chases! Just walk briskly to the nearest British Embassy or police station.
Why aren't there female 00s?
Most spying is done with computers or census takers.
Every Bond film I've seen has Bond hook up with a sexy lady.
Is he getting hard earned Biritish Tax dollars for shagging?
M sends Bond on a mission to investigate a global conspiracy to sterilize
the world population. 007 discovers a cannery that is injecting estrongen
into the soup, rendering the men sterile. Bond is unaware that he has been
infected by tampered caviar. He shrieks at the sight of his man boobs and
obsesses over his fat ass.
James hooks up with a tranvestite double agent, Double Dong.
Double Dong is a philopino cocktale singer.
James falls madly in love with Doulbe Dong and looses his 007 status
because of it. Bond argues with M that he can complete the mission
as Jessica. She is impressed with his transformation and restores Jessica's
Jessica Bond takes the global conspirators by surprise. She's a knock out blond
bomshell and thewarts their evil plans. With pink lipstick and a skin tight red leather
dress, the new 007 is unstopable.
"Alright suppose we look at this from the inside out." Jimmy squinted.
"Look I just don't think this 'refraction' of yours is a good idea." Jimmy's parrot squaked.
Jimmy had selected his clothing carefully with extra bleach to abuse the fabric.
The shirt was too large. The pants baggy and black. His hair was matted with brill
cream and parted in the middle to give a deliberately sloppy appearance.
It was the only way to gain access to the molecular excelleration sight.
He was Jimmy the simple janitor. He was also a sabiture for the rival molecular
excellerator: POP. Having successfull caused a refraction in the chamber,
Jimmy was now conversing with a parrot. Could this be an alternative universe
or perhaps he was suffering from microwave dementia?
to be continued......?
Dropping off fares, Hal studied his map. The next fare was not on street
level. "Lets try to the right" he mumbled and parked the limo in an alley.
It was time to call in for further directions. Hal snorted at the dispatcher and
walked down the alley to a basement stairway. The building was a heavey stone
massonary. Hal knocked on the door and then pressed the buzzer.
The door openned automatically. Hal made another call to his dispatcher for a
security check. An okay was given. He went in.
The room was spotless and very bright. There was only an office desk and
a slender pale blond woman bound and gagged in the chair behind the desk.
Hal made a panic call to his dispatcher. He was told it was okay and to untie
the woman. He did so. "There other cells." the pale woman said as Hal removed
her gag. "That's the end of it. I'm just a limo driver." Hal answered with hands waving:
no more. The woman looked him in his eyes and then walked out of the room up
to the alley. Her black slacks and red blouse were soaked by the sudden rain.
She was bare foot. "How do I open the door?" she pleaded as her hair fell drenched.
"Ah-yeah. It's coded to my finger print." Hal openned the door and let his fare in.
The interior of the limo was spacious and the windows black. There was a
buffet with soda, libations and snadwiches. A red leather dress was placed accross
the long back seat. Red stelleto heels were placed neatly beneath the dress.
"I can't see anything back here. If you want something call me on the intercom."
Hal pointed to the button and speaker on the right side. The woman gave him
a look of terror and then shut the door behind her. Hal shrugged and got behind the
wheel. The map had new directions up town. The limo glided over the cobble
stone alley way onto the street. Hal looked about for a tail; there was none.
"All right. If I loose touch with you or something happens that isn't legal
I want you to call for back up." Hal snorted. He was a trained body gaurd, but this
was just felt like too much heat. He took the safety off his gun and loaded the first
bullet. A mansion rose up on the long gray road. The direction led to it.
Hal openned the limo door and a stunning blond woman in red stepped out. She had
look of confidence as she strode up to the front blood red doors. Hal stood by his
limo with his BlueRay in his ear, waiting for his dispatcher. The front door openned.
Hal could see the Prime Minister greeting the young woman. His dispatcher gave
him a new fare to pick up. Hal smiled at the couple and slid behind his wheel.
"If you could give more information, I wouldn't be going into these things half-cocked."
Hal snorted at his dispatcher and drove off to the next fare.
Hercules Fights The God Uranus
Hercules is enjoying his family with his wife Lionase. She is the
princess of the King Uripaties. Hercules has refused the assistence
of the king and is living in a cave. Lionase is not happy with this.
Hercules laughs at her disgust, "You are Hercules' wife! I am the son
of Zues! What more could any woman desire?!" Lionase explains
that she is unhappy with the cave and bathing in a freezing brook.
She wants their sons to be raised in the palace. Hercules is
angered by her discontent, "Woman do not question my commands!"
Just then a centar wanders into their cave. Hercules picks up his
club to brain him. "No! Please I was only looking for shelter from
the terrible firery hail from the horrible God Uranus!" the centar begged.
"What? Hercules fears no God! I will put my club to this Uranus!"
The firery hail makes it difficult for Hercules to find the God.
He runs for cover in the cave. "Zues! How am I to find Uranus?"
Hercules cries out in fustration. Zues hears the prayer of his son
and stops the firery hail. The centar cowards in the entry to the cave
fearfull of Hercules. "You! Take me to Uranus!" Hercules commands
waving his club at the centar. The centar leads Hercules through
the hills of Mayonnaise: the fierce witch. "Hercules! Your club will
do you no good against Uranus without Mayonnaise!" the witch laughed.
Hercules swings his club at Mayonnaise, but it passes through her.
"Mayonnaise is too slippery for your club!" the witch laughs.
"What must I do? Witch!" Hercules shouts and smashes a tree
with his mighty grip. "Uranus is in a vulcano. He cannot stand the light
of day. You cannot enter his firery hole without Mayonnaise! I too
wish to stop Uranus' burning! You must take me with you." the
witch leaps on Hercule's back and cackles. "I am your horse?"
Hercules curses and follows the lead of Mayonnaise. Hercules climbs
the cliffs of Uranus' Volcano and pears down its firery hole.
"Not even Hercules can enter this hell!" he shouts. Mayonnaise
waves a crispy chicken over her head and tosses it into the firery pit.
Steam rises from a vent on the side of Uranus' Vulcano.
"That way!" the witch shouts. Hercules enters the vent with a thrusts
of his club. After several minutes descent, the Temple of Uranus is
before him. "At last! A chance to fight a God!" Hercules shouts and
shakes off Mayonnaise. "You will find your wish impossible to keep."
the witch cackled, "Uranus is the volcano!" Hercules turned about
enraged at Mayonnaise. "You lead me here! For what?" he shouts.
"I have need of children. You will be my stag or you will burn in Uranus!"
Mayonnaise' laughter shook the Temple of Uranus and lava poured
down its steps. Hercules was trapped on a ledge. "I will do this.
But, you must never tell Lionase." Hercules capitulated.
Hercules returned to his cave and accepted Uripities' invitation
to the palace. "I am Hercules! But, I cannot fight Uranus." he said
to King Uripities. The king smiled and embraced his family.
"This now is the house of Hercules!" King Uripities proclaimed,
"May the God Uranus never rain down upon us!"