my love life
| MY LOVE PEDIGREE Found a shade around the site, watching the little rain droplets, probably the last may could have in its reserve rebound on the road coal tar. Am wondering why am not thinking about the mistake i noticed in the building's foundation, why my boss's voice is not resounding in my ear reminding me '' you are the architect, you should be in control, these people do not know the importance of one centimeter, they will neglect it, by the time you know it, it will be thirty and a big problem.''
However i am lost in thoughts of the thoughts of controling my emotional and social conundrum. My relationships with everyday people i know is very fine. But i know i live in the most bizzare ill fantasy of incognissant relationships with the people very special to me. Its like the only section of my life i seem not to have control over. I seem unable to reach the people i love when i have them, people who loves me keeps coming anyways with all their beauty and physical perfection, but also with all self, historial, relationship and love life complications that i have to forget the prospects of going into my dream relationships with them, forget my own bordering problems, thus embarking on a paradoxical, psycho-emotional painstaking chase of solving these problem of theirs which to me is weirdest of all therapeutic assignments. I mean how can someone be helping you solve the little problems you have with your boyfriend while he actually has a mountaineous crush on you.
Nonetheless, i find myself doing the job even on good notches, i never deviate on the course of my duties, carrying them out with no strings attached. Call me the boy bestfriend but don't forget the crush.
Is it my self acclaimed goodness that makes me put aside the crush and focus on the job of a bestfriend? Or is it my rapport with nature that makes me wish, think or hope that one day goddess cupid will smile on me with her rewarding concomitance of the perfect person? Or is it also the ego of my self acclaimed most understanding person that makes me laugh off issues and times sorrounding the moment and hope on magic, spell or epic confessorship which to me, are the least/worst state of wishful thinking.
The chronicle of my relationships, say seven has been nothing less of these confessions, totally monopolized by uncertainty and ambiguity. The story to tell for every situations are yet so full of the lamentations of undeserved position, a position below par, a position so confusing that i don't seem to like or dislike it.
Looking into it, is it that i like the position much well that i never curbed such a dejavu during the early stages? Is it that i find the placing so psychic and alluring that i am only lamenting now? The last time i checked, a scorpio will never bed such twisted fate, love and sexual uncertainty, emotional instability and undeserved position in matters of relationships. But here i am, not even landing solutions yet but relishing the remedial cliche that is a problem shared is half solved.
Moreover, these days i've learnt a cherio words for these people. I say forget me not, forget not the sacrifices i made, against my will, against my friends and family, just in doing what i am finding hard to believe is fate or destiny. I will no longer continue with this destitute, i will turn the tables around, i will turn this nothing to something.
Since there is even the availaibility of them, i think i'll improvise an offensive or fail safe means of rather enjoying the whole lot.