This is not really a writing activity. This is a search.
"If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast."
I am American. I am female. I am sixteen. I am currently visiting Germany. I am beginning basic courses at a local college on September 9th. I plan on going to OSU for my major requirements, the specifics of which I am still unsure. I wish to move to Germany or the Czech Republic when I have found a permanent job after I receive my master's in something. I am a Christian and not a bench warmer. I am awful at geometry and all so-far discovered sciences. I am full of crushed spirit; I have discovered that life on another continent is different and slightly more pleasant, but it's still life, still routine. It's still.
I am questioning a lot of things I've never wondered about before right now. Do I really want to learn another language and move to Europe? What's the point? That's a lot of effort for a slightly more pleasant life, isn't it? What makes you think you're so much better than the next kid, what makes you think you're smart enough and determined enough to learn another full language? What kind of idiot goes out and tries this sort of thing?
I'm lacking a community. I tend to drift towards my laptop never to be seen again, and I find most people pugnacious in person. I have three friends I confide in in real life, and none of them know each other/are friends with each other. None of them confide in me. I only go to school with one of them, and though I know them all in real life, another lives in Germany - halfway around the world most days. The last lives almost an hour away and I haven't the gas money to visit her. I need a community. No teenager can suffer their own broken pride and (embarassing enough) angst on their own, not for the entire enactment of these harsh six or seven years.
I know I need to find a community I can talk with and even occasionally see. When I thought of publishing my thoughts online somewhere, YouTube was my first thought - but I'm horrible at articulating my words orally and I'd rather something more interactive, so I was after a text site. This was the only one I could think of. I don't know anyone on this site except my school confidant. I know writing.com isn't meant to serve this purpose, but I'm looking for the type of people I can identify with, and isn't that exactly what this is? A mostly-youth writing website?
Please help me.