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by Jeff
Rated: ASR · Short Story · Comedy · #1707044
Writer's Cramp Contest Entry - 9/10/10 - What I would get Robert Waltz for his birthday
Robert Waltz is a man of exquisite tastes. As such it seems only fitting that the gift I would get him would be comprised of an assortment of goodies, the absolutely finest wares from around the world. Were I to put together one of these gift baskets for Robert Waltz, it would undoubtedly include some, if not all, of the following:

*Giftw* Expensive Imported Ale. As a fine connoisseur of wine and spirits from around the world, Robert would clearly appreciate a good brew, which is why I would import the most exquisite beer directly from my local grocery store's refrigerated beverage section.

*Giftw* Decadent Fine Chocolates. What gift basket would be complete without a collection of chocolate confections? I would gift to Robert the finest chocolate available on the market, most likely something in the Hershey's or Nestle Quik variety.

*Giftw* Power Tools. As a man's man, Robert clearly has a need for power tools. And while I'm sure he has an entire garage full of them already, no man can consider his tool set complete without a pneumatic desk stapler?

*Giftw* Sports Memorabilia. No man's gift set would be complete without some kind of cheesy, overpriced knickknack with a professional sports team's logo on it. What would a discerning sports fan like Robert need? He would definitely want a set of fifth-round draft pick, 2010 rookie cards. In forty years, he'll thank me... maybe.

*Giftw* Automotive. Clearly, the crown jewel in a man's collection is his car. Robert, as a man, can likely appreciate the fine European engineering of a Ferrari or a Mercedes. Similarly, he can admire the raw power of a classic Corvette Stingray or a '69 Mustang. Which is why my gift basket for Robert will include a "new car smell" air freshener. I would get him the car itself, but he's not that good of a friend and – let's face it – if I could afford an expensive car, I'd buy it for myself. (Incidentally, if I did buy one for myself, Robert might consider a 1995 Toyota Avalon that's approaching 200,000 miles...)

So there you have it. The gift basket that every man would want, and Robert Waltz should have. Let me know where I need to send it, Robert. Happy Birthday!

(378 words)
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