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A little satire to lighten your day... maybe
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. If you tried, you would soon just be beating a dead horse.

“Luck is when preparation meets opportunity”. Tragedy is when preparation doesn’t.

You killed two birds with one stone. Are you happy, you dick? I loved my parakeets.

“As you make your bed, you must lie in it”.
But I just made it? That’s stupid.

Many hands may make light work, but I can zip up my own fly, thank you very much!

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained”.
Except boredom, you get a lot of that.

“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”.
My house is made of bricks. Does that mean I can throw stones? Sweet, adios glass houses.

“Necessity is the mother of invention”.
Coffee is the illegitimate father.

“Snowball’s Chance in Hell.”
His name: Hanz Snowball. His occupation: kicking Satan’s ass. Come one, come all to see the best action movie of this eternity as Snowball takes on a horde of demon scum. Coming to theaters near you, July 10th.

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,”
With the apparent exception that you have one stone.

“Failure is only a temporary change in direction, to set you strait for your next success”.
I tried that. It didn’t work out.

“Live each day as if it is your last”.
So… get naked, take heroine, frolic around the city screaming the end is near, cry, and get too drunk to stand? I can dig it.

“Failure is the tuition you pay for success”.
So how can I get a scholarship?

“What goes up must come down”.
They’ve been telling Willy Nelson that for nearly 50 years.

“All good things must come to an end”.
For example,
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