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Rated: 13+ · Prose · Emotional · #1787902
emotions deep
What have you done to me?
and what have I let you do?
You took my innocence and trust,
and held them gently in your hands and heart,
and made promises that I thought you'd keep for better or worse.

The day before yesterday I was your sweetheart
The next, your eyes glittered with disgust and I was a hurtful bitch.
And then I'm again someone you hold close to your heart,
but soon I'm merely a curiosity, or maybe someone to be pitied or forgotten.

Your life went on merrilly
and mine just happens, while I basked in the faith
that everything would be okay one day.
My trust and faith has been ruined.

Everything I ever did was for you!
Yes! You were the reason for it all!

What have you done to me
to make me yearn for you,
your embrace, and smile,
even when I wish I didn't.

I can't kick myself enough
for believing in you, yet it was worth it.
Yes, you were worth it.

It's too bad that you couldn't tell me what was in your heart
except in angry outbursts and desertion, or always chaperoned.
Why be angry for those things that I didn't understand
and didn't have control over?

How did it feel to watch me be humiliated?
Did you feel justified watching it happen?
I feel like I am nothing in your eyes, and not worth it,
when you say adios and wish me well.

So this is what being human means.

Yet now I understand even more, but it's too late
but maybe it was always too late with you,
because you never gave us a chance to live our dream together,
and then let others butt in.

It's so easy for someone to be cruel and brave when they
get whatever they want just for the asking.

You puzzle me. I wonder how you kept your secrets,
and embraced someone else's outright lies, because it's not like you.

I have never lied to you, or betrayed your secrets,
I ask myself why, and you know this in your heart,
no matter what anyone says, thinks, or does.

You made me think that you really loved me
when in the end your actions show me you don't.
I struggled with the thought that I could be so terribly wrong.

Yet it doesn't matter, I know what I feel
and I know that this pain in my heart will only go away
when you say what's in your heart,
and not what anyone else tells you,
and not with everyone else standing over you, coaching you on.

All is not said and done, and some day you will see.
that while you blamed me for all your pain,
you didn't recognise my own
as I watched you have a "perfect" life with another.

No. We are far from done, sweetie.
I know this feeling and it will last until time infinate.
One day you'll see that Nothing felt this strongly just goes away completely.
And you will know what love is.
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