The ups and downs of love.
Love--Lost and Found
A bad break up can be such a biotch, depending on the perspective of the ones involved. It certainly is not any fun. Is there such a thing as a "good" break up?
I used to think that if you waited long enough things would work out for the best. What does this mean though? A month, a year, a lifetime?
Then I wonder who it is "best" for and if it really is. It's always possible that this breakup/change occurs in order for one or more person to recognize what means most to them. That's not just applying to the one leaving but the one left behind as well. The danger is that either it becomes a case of "absence makes the heart grow stronger" or "out of sight, out of mind".
It makes me think of the Yin/Yang effect. In order to understand better what you really have and appreciate or reject it, maybe you have to experience what you don't have. It also could re-affirm what is already there in the first place-making it stronger.
And if not, then after time goes by, it settles in that whatever you had will no longer be, and whatever hope you had tends to die hard and it ends up in the Lost Department.
Some say to "get over it" and "move on". In a way I can understand that way of thinking, but is it really possible to get over that heartache and longing? Wouldn't we just be substituting one person for another?
Knowing that someone else was or is helping my ex "get over" me while she is helping herself to him, really wouldn't make me feel so great, because if I wasn't over him and don't feel I would ever do that, then it's even more painful and it is not something that you can just "get over". Then again, if for some reason one person can't deal with those feelings, then I guess there is nothing else for him to do but make new choices and distance himself from the situation.
I don't like this getting over stuff, although I understand the reasoning behind it. You either love someone or you don't. It is the substance of the never-ending feelings. Yes, I know that logic says to "move on."
Yet the mind is in conflict if it says one thing and the heart another. It feels what it will and sends a message to the brain, which is either filed into the subconscious for later use, or resurfaces and the person has an epiphany and then decides to do something about it, unless of course it's too late . Maybe one of the people involved has died or truly is "over it".
Rather than have that happen, I think I'd rather just love the person anyway. I could miss the heck out of all those other wonderful things we had, but can still value the person for who he is and respect his choices. That means trusting that what's in his heart drives him along, he understands and accepts those parts of himself, and he's being honest with me as well.
Does it mean he has to reject me, or does he accept me for who I am and value whatever it is that we do have? I
n a close relationship:
If I do something that hurts him, then I'm also hurting myself,
If he does something that hurts me, then he's hurting himself.
And If either of us do things that hurt ourselves, then it hurts the other.
No. None of that is acceptable.
Is it possible to love someone too much? For me, loving someone means you're a hot-blooded living human being, and not a robot, or just some animal roaming around doing whatever.
Is it possible to "know" something, and feel it so strongly that you know it can't possibly be untrue?
I suppose the answer to this last question might be addressed and answered later.
Unless of course, it's faith.