A letter to someone who will never read it ...
I wanted to write to you for long now. I finally feel I must go on with it otherwise this weight in my heart will never leave me. When we first met my eyes dint want to look at you. I was so scared that I would loose my self with that one look. I raised my eyes saw only a bit of and then they fell like a curtain on stage. I remember my heart beat, the pulse in my veins, my breath everything. Even the wind felt so heavy I became so sensitive. Each time you glanced at me I turned. Teasing my heart I smiled a bit each time. Your anxiety, my fear it felt amusing, it felt great.
Pinching the palms of my hand I wondered "what if ... he can read my mind. Am I being to obvious." Then suddenly it was over, you were gone forever changing me. Now every time the wind blows I wonder whether it has touched you and so it teases me. I look at the sky jealous how it can forever sneak glimpses of you that I would die for one more chance. I might not have teased you much and sat staring in your eyes. Your silly laugh and innocent words. I remember how I choked when you first took my name. Your voice all jittery I could read your pulse. So nervous it amused me. you are very amusing.
It has been 5 months now and your voice is not as clear. Your face a bit of a blur but I still feel the same. I was smart being all intelligent about you. Telling my self to be more sensible, I will not fall for you easily. I wonder now when was is it that I fell because now I feel like I am falling. I dont know who you are? I wonder if I care. I wonder if this is all but an illusion. But this illusion I like because it has made me someone I never knew. It has opened me up but at the same time imprisons me. I ..I really dont know if I have more to say to you. I hope you are eating well. I cant say I miss you but I am waiting to get to know you. I will be patient about you. I will take it slow. For now this is all.