A spoof on the cliché.
|“Keep running you guys,” a young man shouted as he and his friends ran through a dark forest. “That wolf guy thing is still after us.”|
“You think so Mark?” another shouted.
“Does that answer your question Steve?” a young woman shouted at the other two as she looked back. “Now keep running before-” Something grabbed her by the foot and she was now hanging upside-down from a tree. “Woho! Help!”
The two young men looked up at her.
“You alright Jesse?” Mark asked.
“No I’m not!” Jesse shouted. “Now get me down!”
“Steve, you climb up there,” said Mark.
“No, you climb up there,” Steve shouted. “She’s your girlfriend.”
“I’m the star football player, and you’re just a computer geek- you climb up there and get her!”
Suddenly, Steve became very pale.
“The monster’s behind me right,” Mark asked nervously.
The werewolf popped out behind Steve. “No I’m not,” he said.
Steve turned his head, and cringed. “Pease don’t eat me,” he whimpered.
“Why would you think I’d want to eat you?” the werewolf asked. “I’m just trying to chase you off of my land.”
“What happened to Richie then?” Mark asked. “Last I saw of him he was covered in blood, and you were dragging him away.”
“Oh the fat kid- he hit his head on a tree and knocked himself out,” the werewolf said. “I took him to my den. He ought to be alright in the morning.”
“Alright, so what’s behind me?” Mark asked. “Is it her father?” He pointed at Jesse, who had a look of indignation on her face.
A man holding a bloody axe popped up from behind the werewolf. “No I’m not!” he bellowed.
The werewolf turned his head. “Hi Hank. How’s the wife?”
“Oh she’s just fine, Henry,” Hank said, as he shouldered his axe. “Though she has been getting in one of those moods lately- you wouldn’t happen to have a spare room for me to use for the next couple of days?”
“There will be one in the morning,” Henry said. “One of these trespassers is currently using it.”
“You’re just trying to scare them off your land right?”
“Of course- you know very well that me and my mate like our privacy,” Henry chuckled. “And there was a lovely moon out too, perfect for kissing, and then some.”
“At least you don’t need to worry about co-eds going off sparkling most of the time- my cousin is always having to don this hockey mask and pick up a machete to scare campers away from his lake.”
“Alright,” Mark shouted. “What’s behind me?”
He felt something poke him in the ribs. “Mom says you have to come home now- you need to clean your room.” He turned around, and looked down, and his eyes bulged. There was a cute little eight year old girl wearing a Brownie Scout uniform, looking up at him. He made a high pitched scream, and took off running, still screaming.
“You know, if he applied for Field and Track, he’d get Long Distance Runner for sure,” Hank said, as he took a cloth from his pocket, and proceeded to wipe his axe blade.
“Not to mention Sprinter,” Henry said, as he took his paw-like hands from the side of his head.
“Don’t forget designated Screamer,” Steve said, as he wiggled a finger in one of his ears.
“You don’t need to remind me,” Henry said. “I’m going to need some extra strong stuff tonight.”
“Hey Sandy,” Jessie called. “Is the troop taking cookie orders?”
The little girl looked up. “Yep!”
“Cut me down and you can put me down for five orders of Thin Mints.”
“Hey, could you put me down for three boxes of the ones with the coconut, caramel, chocolate stripes and the holes in the middle?” Henry asked. “My wife’s crazy about those.”
“I’ll take a box of the Shortbreads,” Steve said.
“I’ll take five of the PBSs and I know my wife would like ten of the PBPs,” said Hank.
Sandy got out a clipboard, and began marking off the cookies. “Thanks guys,” she said. “This puts me in the lead by three boxes for my troop. I’ll be able to get this year’s bike.”
“That’s great,” Jessie said, clapping her hands. “Mind cutting me down now?”
“That won’t be a problem,” Sandy said, as she pulled out a bloody kitchen knife. “A scout’s prepared for anything.”
“Okay, what’s the deal with the bloody axe and knife?” Henry asked.
“I was getting some pigs ready for the freezer,” Hank said. “My dead-bolt gun jammed on me, so I had to use this to kill the pigs.”
“Tell me you didn’t kill Wilber daddy,” Jessie said.
“I wouldn’t kill a boar that good- he does a good job with the sows.”
“And you little girl?” Henry asked.
“I was busy with a cherry-filled cheesecake,” Sandy said, as she climbed the tree.
“I guess that explains everything,” Henry said, as an engine started. “Uh, you guys want to spend the night at my place? I think your car’s gone.”
The rope holding Jessie to the tree parted with a loud snap, causing her to fall. “I’m so dumping him,” she said getting up. “He’s no longer my boyfriend.”
“Well, since you’re single, mind going out with me?” Steve asked.
“I’ll let you know in the morning,” Jessie said, as she and the others started to follow the werewolf to his den.
Somewhere down the road, Mark was driving a 1959 Cheverly when he noticed two figures standing on the side. He carefully slowed to a stop. “Do you need a lift?”
“Yes we do,” one of them said as the pair stepped forward. The one had a burnt face, a red and white striped shirt, and the one hand had knives for fingers. The other man was wearing a yellow raincoat, and had a hook for a hand.
Mark screamed again, and floored the gas pedal, speeding away.
“You scared away another ride!” the burnt faced man shouted.
“I hope he slows down though,” said the man with a hook for a hand, as he watched the taillights fade in the distance. “I mean, he could hurt someone going that fast.”
“Just don’t go chasing after him like you did with that last couple,” the burnt faced man said as the pair resumed shuffling down the road. “I still need a lift back to Maple Street.”