by Almea Waits
How Ritz and Tick became good friends with our beloved Tiny
|Above, the word ‘Pastel’ was written on a white fabric awning. Opening the glass doors, a strong aroma of coffee and cakes filled the air with a sweet sensation The smell of this all plastered a snarky grin on Ritz's face. The walls of the establishment were a pastel purple and the trim a pastel pink. The flooring was of white wood. A chandelier hung above a large couch by a rounded window to the left. Directly in front of the Englishman was a counter of some sort of pastel pink granite. He stepped in, his faithful companion following close behind. His companion was much shorter than him and he had a softer, kinder face. This companion’s name was Tick, so called for being a ‘bloodsucker.’ Blood being money, of course. He tended to know how to mooch off of people, but only if the money was of dire importance. Suchlike to feed the mouths of his two kids, Charles and Marie. He was a bit of a goody-two shoes. Nothing wrong with that though.
Ritz took a seat on a white swivel stool at the counter and waited a second before he heard a soft, but high voice. “Please wait a minute! I’m almost done decorating this cake!” This kind voice brought a smile to Tick’s face. And, as stated, exactly a minute later, a short young woman walked out. A white smile and bright, blue eyes greeted the gentlemen. In her hands was the newly decorated and made cake which had been made to look like a gun. A Desert Eagle, to be exact. “Nice cake ya got there. Very...Accurate.” Ritz asked for a closer look and she set the cake down in front of him. “Stunningly accurate. You don’t seem like the gun type.” “Just because I own a pastry shop doesn’t mean I don't like guns! I have a Desert Eagle in my garter belt. And, I love him to pieces!” She put her foot upon the counter and raised her dress to expose the gun. “I don’t leave home without it.” Ritz nodded in approval. “Very nice...” He mumbled awkwardly. Tick blushed a tad and looked away. “Thank you!” She put her white Mary Jane pumps back on the floor. “So, What can I get you fine gentlemen, AKA, first customers of the day! First customers get a 50% discount!” She looked over to her computer. “And it seems the taller of you two is a newcomer. Newcomers also get 50% off. Looks like you’re getting a free serve today. Order as much as you want.” She smiled.
“Tick was right. You are an angel. I’ll have-” Ritz was cut off but a gunshot that very nearly hit him. “...a Tylenol. I’m gonna need it.” He turned around to see a load of guns come down from the ceiling being held by mechanical arms. The source of the gunshot was about to be terminated, but the woman hopped over the counter and shooed the guns away.
“What are you trying to do? Robbing a small pastry shop won’t help you at all. What on Earth is your function in life if you have to resort to this?” She pulled out her Desert Eagle as the two ‘robbers’ held up their guns to her. “I have a gun too and an army of them in my ceiling.” She said, pointing to the surrounding guns. The ‘robbers’ looked up and she kicked the guns out of their hands. Her mechanical unarmed arms took them. They were speechless. She kicked them both, one at a time, out of her shop’s doors. Ritz watched them scurry away through the glass.
Walking back over, she smiled. Tick’s mouth was wide open and Ritz, intrigued, grinned at the pastel woman. “How often does this happen?” Ritz raised an eyebrow. “Not very often, but I’m always prepared. You never know the motives of people these days.” She put her gun away and the mechanical arms shifted back into the ceiling, but they soon popped back out when more intruders bashed in. “Put your toys away, you tart. We’re here for the boys.” Skeptical about what they had just said, she looked to the men she was serving. Tick had a look of guilt on his face whilst Ritz had an annoyed one. “You know, I never got your name.” Ritz looked to the woman. “Liana Schaffer, but I hardly think this is the time for introductions.” A shot flew by their heads. “I’m Ritz. Now, Liana, will you join me and my pal here in a delightfully violent escapade?” A smile escaped their lips. “I’d be delighted, Ritz.” She drew her gun and aimed it at a random goon. Ritz and Tick did the same along with the mechanical arms.
The group of men ran outside of the doors, the trio following. The mechanical arms were now useless. They ran after the group of men until they all came to a halt. Liana slipped into an alleyway to cloak herself from the men who were about to start shooting. Tick was behind a food cart, causing the owner to run away in fear. “Sorry!” Tick yelled out as gunfire began to rain. Ritz was in the bed of a truck which had a box of tools in it. A few thoughts sparked in his mind, but he pushed them aside for later times. He aimed his gun at the knee of a fellow shooting rapidly with bad aim. Ritz, also not having lovely aim, missed and shot him in the shin. Still, a painful shot, causing the man to lose balance and fall down on one knee. The fallen man reloaded his gun and aimed it at the truck. Ritz, stupidly coming out of hiding, was shot in the forearm. “Well, fuck me...” He groaned, shooting at the fallen man.
Tick was aiming at a rather large and burly man who looked like a bouncer. The bigger the target, the easier to take down. “You’re a big fucker, aren’t ya?” He aimed for the large man’s groin. Tick didn’t fuck around. He wanted to stay as safe as possible. He did have kids to take care of, after all. Shooting, the large man let out a rather feminine yelp and fell to the ground clutching his groin. “What the fuck?-! Who the Hell shoots there? -!” He cried. The tallest of the bunch shot at the food cart. “Probably the lady friend, and I don’t mean the one with the nice tits.” He ran towards the food cart. Panicked, Tick shot at the man’s hand, causing him to drop his gun, as he sprung from behind the cart. He grabbed the man’s ponytail with one hand and forced his head into the fryers with the other. Afterwards, he ran to the man’s gun and took it, hopping inside of the truck bed with Ritz.
There was two more left. An average fellow with a scar on his cheek that seemed to have a permanent smirk on his face and handsome man with a deadpanned expression. Liana quickly leaned out of the alleyway as the average fellow ran towards to the truck bed. He was about to jump in when all three of them shot him before he could pull the trigger that was in Tick’s face. Falling backwards, a pool of blood started to flow from him. He was a goner.
The handsome one ran towards Liana. Being in an alleyway, she had to run out. Handsome following, she hopped on top of a car and started walking across the parked cars. Angering her pursuer, he started to aim at her. Firing, she slid down between two cars and hid under one of them. As she heard the man running again, she looked to the car behind her. When she saw the shocks go down, she crawled out and shot him in the knee. He fell off of the car as she crawled out the rest of the way and stood up. She put one foot on his chest and another on his hand that held the gun. She shot him point blank through the brain. The tallest one was badly burnt, the large one wouldn’t be having kids, the fallen one had started hobbling away by now, and the average one and the handsome one were dead. The rest fled.
Liana ran towards them and hopped into the truck bed. Her happy expression faded when she saw that Ritz was wounded. “Are you gonna be okay?” She asked, rather concerned about her new found friend. Ritz nodded. “Just a gunshot to the arm. Nothing too big of a deal. I’ll be fine.” He smiled and hopped out of the truck bed as if he wasn’t injured. The other two followed. “We going back the pastry shop?” “Might as well. I’ll help you with your wound.” She smiled and then looked to Tick. “You all right?” Tick nodded. “Yeah. No injuries, luckily. My name is Tick, by the way. Just so we’re all acquainted.” “As far as I knew, only close friends killed people together.” “Guess we’re all close friends now then.”
Arriving back at Pastel, Ritz sat down where he was sitting before. Blood dripped on the floor and onto the stool. “Sorry ‘bout that.” He said, looking to the blood. “Don’t worry. Adds more character to the shop.” She chuckled softly. “Now, I’m probably gonna have to take these out with my tweezers. It’s the closest things I have to forceps besides tongs, and those wouldn’t feel very good.” “Probably not.” Ritz chuckled. “Hey, Tick! Can you go into the kitchen and get my purse and a first aid kit.” Liana demanded. Tick did as told and arrived back, putting the items on the counter. “Thank you.” She took her make-up kit out of her purse and took out her tweezers. “This might hurt a bit, Ritz.” “Used to it.” He replied. “If you say so.” “Have ya ever done this before?” “No.” She carefully used her tweezers, making sure to not to rip and tissue. Extracting the bullet, she asked Tick to put peroxide on some bandage wrap. Ritz clenched his teeth. She put the bullet and tweezers in the first aid kit and quickly began to wrap the wound. “Is that good or is it too tight?” “It’s great. Thanks, Lil’ Miss Tiny.” “Now, where did that name come from?” She asked, amused. “It’s a nickname for a nickname.” “What’s the original nickname?” “Tiny Dancer?” “Why that?”
“I’ve never seen anyone hop over a counter and slide under a parked car in real life. Ya’ve got some grace and flexibility. The name suits ya. If ya don’t mind, that is.” “Thank you. I love it.” She smiled. “That’s good. Now, how about that Tylenol?”