Choose Kindness From the Menu
|This started out as a blog entry, but upon the suggestion of someone I admire, I decided to make it a static item that I can add to, at will.
This is my opinion and, not necessarily anyone else's. No one is perfect, least of all, me.
What prompted this outburst?
It is not just one thing. The biggest thing is giving donations or bidding and winning, and then hearing......
not hearing "thank you"
There is always stuff going on here.
There are always fundraisers. People want others to bid on their auction packages. Sometimes forum activities require the spending of gift points. On and on. If you review with a group, you want to support that group when they raise funds. The only thing is you might not be able to afford it every time.
There are plenty of successful activities and then there are those that do not work. I do not know why some work and some do not.
Some of the most fun I've had here has been at recent activities I participated in. They were good and fun all the way through.
Here are some tips for you if you solicit gift points, time, or whatever from others.
If you follow these simple admonitions you will do well. This all should be obvious, common sense, but, alas, some are deficient in their behaviors.
Remember that we all have choices to make in our behaviors and in our philanthropic decisions.
1. Always do what you promised in a timely manner.
2. Under promise and over-deliver. Never do the opposite of that, or you will get a reputation that is not good.
3. Do not rely on others to fulfill your promises unless it is a real legitimate emergency. Your kid skinned his or her knee is NOT a qualifying life event. Devastating illness is legitimate and so is suffering a loss. Life happens. We all understand that it does. Try and fulfill your promises eventually and most people will be kind about it.
4. Always say thank you if someone donates or gives you something to help out and do it RIGHT AWAY. Do not fool around with your thank moos.
5. Do not use the hard work of others to puff yourself up. You might get away with it for a time, but people will start to notice when you continually start projects and abandon them or throw up your hooves and beg for help time and time again. That is not cute or appealing.
6. Make sure you thank after it is all over, not just while you have an ongoing need. Don't butter people up when you need things and ignore them otherwise.
7. Pay it forward means to do for others without expecting stuff in return. But that doesn't mean that the people paying it forward don't expect you to be polite and thank them. It means that they don't expect you to reciprocate. If they do it anonymously, then that means they don't care about the thanking part. Otherwise, always assume that they want to be thanked.
8. Don't just do things to get attention and be noticed and don't just help people who give you gift points and who pay for your upgrades.
9. Read and review others on a regular basis, don't just fundraise and promote your own self. If your last review was sent more than six months ago, you should focus on that first and leave the self-aggrandizement until later.
10. Do not sign up for 47 things in one month. I exaggerate the number, but you know what I mean. That is over-committing and while you might need the pressure of lots of things to perform, if others are watching and depending on you, you will inevitably let them down.
11. When someone bids on and wins your package, do not treat reviewing them as the biggest burden that anyone has ever been forced to carry and something you'd like to avoid at all costs. It was a situation like this that prompted this essay.
I won a bid on someone I didn't know. I was excited to get the review, until I got the review. The host of the auction had hurried this person along and they had the impression that the nudge to do the review came from me. It didn't, but the host handled it in a dishonest way. So, I got the receiving end of one of the meanest, personally hostile and most scathing reviews I've ever received. And, I paid substantial gift points in order to get it. Not fun. From reading this person's poetry, I would never have guessed about the monster that lurked within. This person regularly begged for gift points to support their premium membership, until they lost interest and went off into the ether. I think that a lot of people were let down when this person did that. I wasn't one of them because, by that time, I knew what and who that person was.
Believe me, I notice when someone does not fulfill their promises in a timely manner, whether I happen to have been the successful bidder or not. I might not always moo about it but I notice and in future endeavors I act accordingly. So, when someone wins something in your activity award the promised stuff if you want people (with gift points) to participate in the future, or don't wonder why no one wants to participate as much.
I also notice when members provoke things on the Newsfeed so that they can shirk their duties and make grand exits. Then, there are those who like to be dramatic and mysterious about everything. That can be fun to watch, but not fun when you depend on people to do what they say. Still, for those who have learned not to count on certain individuals, it can make for entertaining dinner theater.
Postscript August 2017
Don't make arbitrary, exclusionary lists of people that only serve the purpose of hurting feelings for no good reason. That is what cliques do and it is not good or kind or positive. It is downright mean-spirited at times.
How do I know I am right? From the overwhelming response to this article. I am not alone, feeling this way.
Thank you to the kind anonymous one who sponsored this article!! I just realized that happened!
I was very ill this past year, much better now. Kindness and consideration really do mean a lot when a person is struggling with not feeling well. I saw a lot of things more clearly when I was so sick. Truly.
Postscript December 2017
I think some of what I have learned can be summed up now, quite briefly.
Don't use people as your personal tools. Don't take people's work for granted. Always remember to thank those who have helped you. Do not demand anything from anyone or try to guilt people into serving your selfish ends - everyone here (with very few exceptions) is a volunteer in terms of time, energy and money. The biggest upsets I have seen over the years have been caused by those who would use other people for their own purposes.
You may be on top today, but have to ask for help in the not-too-distant future.
It boils down to this: