Never Good Enough. A Summary (sort-of) of The Journey to Finding Myself.
As a child, she never did anything right. She always got in trouble. Was always yelled at. Her father died at a young age. She was left confused and felt alone and unwanted. Though her mother tried to the best she could, the Girl always felt lost and alone. By the time she was 9, she wondered what it would be like to die.
As the Girl grew, she was always in trouble for misbehaving. Never doing what she was told, cutting class, or skipping school altogether. What was happening? What was wrong for this girl? As she grew into a teen, she thought more about the possibilities of death, and if it would be a better "out" for her. She was a kid. She knew nothing of possibilities and what the future could hold.
She had her first real relationship/boyfriend when she was 14 years old, maybe 2 months shy of turning 15. He was 16 - maybe 4 months shy of 17. Such a big deal to her to enter a real relationship. Someone who cared about her. They went to prom together - she was 15, he was 17. She had too many issues ... skipping classes, running away ... he cheated on her with someone who was supposed to be her best friend. Betrayed again ... Double-time. Heart-broken. Betrayed. Left alone and unwanted again.
The Girl quickly moved into another relationship just a short time later. Bad decisions led into more bad decisions. This guy, though, he intrigued her, was bad news. Very bad news. Drugs. Drinking. Stealing. Months of living with him in a house that usually had no heat and rarely had food. What was wrong with this girl?? Over a year later ... she finally went back home to her parents. Now, the Girl is 18 & 1/2 yrs old ... should be getting more grown-up. Should have been getting ready to go to college. SHOULD have graduated high school. She was so sure that the RIGHT person was going to be able to fix her pain. She couldn't find it.
Back home again, and once again full of heart-ache and the pain of being alone, she settled back into the days. She had pen-palled for awhile and involved herself in it to help pass the time and ease the loneliness. This was how the next guy came about. Things seemed like they would be so different. He lived in California. New adventures that she was willingly ready to explore. Yea! Good bye New York!!
Things did seem different. She went to California. They even got married. They had lots of adventures. Good and bad. Moved cross-country a couple times. Still nothing made the Girl happy. They had children. The Girl's issues only became worse and worse. Eventually, it came about, the Girl found out her husband was cheating, too. What was wrong with her and why couldn't it be fixed??? They separated for a week. Four months later, therapy started for the Girl. 2 months after that, the husband moved out ... leaving the Girl and 4 children behind.
Never Good Enough. The Girl was never good enough. Not for herself, and never for anyone else.