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Rated: ASR · Novel · Philosophy · #2063413
WC WINNER! Short Tale of finding ones-self: Rediscovering? Searching...Knowing.
---Prequel: "Chapter ?: Waking Up---

Good listener
Elaborate Sense of Humor

Susceptible to societal pressures
Destructively Insecure at times
Diagnosed Bi-polar

I opened my eyes slowly. Voices murmured in the hallway outside my door.

"You sure she's stable? John said they had a hell of a time with her the other night."

A familiar voice responded, "She was fine yesterday. Showed a bit of dissociative disorder in the morning but by last night she was pretty mellow. Marge said she was listening to other patients' problems and effectively comforting them even. I think not sleeping for a week just fried her brain for a bit."

A derisive snort followed these words. "Ever the optimist. Don't let her fool you. The moment you start treating them like normal people they take another turn for the worse. Only this time they'll have you in their crazy cross-hairs." My new fan laughed at himself. Charming.

I had sat up during the mens talk. I waited for the speakers footsteps to dissipate before opening my door and stepping out into the spacious hallway. An average sized man with brown hair and black circle-frame glasses glanced up from the laptop he was furiously typing on. "Good morning Angie, glad to see you're up." I cautiously returned the warm smile that reached his eyes.

"Hey Ben, good to see you again." I would much rather see him than whoever his conversationalist had just been.

"Breakfast should be in a few minutes. Why don't you walk around for a bit?" A large part of me just wanted to burrow back under the covers and stay out of sight until I was released from this place. I had a habit of avoiding places where I might be judged. But another part of me knew that if I didn't give them what they wanted I may never leave.

I scrounged up confidence I did not feel, squared my shoulders and nodded at Ben before walking down the hall. My room was across from 'The Outpost', a large circular room where the orderlies and doctors observed us unhindered. Two female orderlies in dark red scrubs chatted and threw distracted glances my way. A large male orderly stood feet shoulder width apart, arms crossed, surveying his domain. I wonder if this is what zoo animals feel like. Resisting the urge to walk like a monkey and fling imaginary poo at the imposing sentry, I rush by the outpost and head to the common area.
"So, Angela, it's nice to see you've calmed down considerably." This wasn't a question so I didn't respond. It was 4 p.m. on my second out of three mandatory psych evaluation days. I didn't mind the 'consultations' but I didn't care for this particular doctor. "In order to ensure prolonged stability I am recommending 80mg of Geodone for BiPolar and 80 mg of Hydroxyzine for anxiety to start." Having never taken more than antibiotics and Tylenol, apprehension starts to build in response to what sound like a high dosage of anti-psychotics.

"I was thinking maybe starting a little lower at like 50mg." Dr. Scrotash undoubtedly heard the uncertainty in my voice because she didn't miss a beat.

"I understand your reticence in trying new medication but I assure you this is the best amount. In the interest of transparency, I originally wanted to write you at 100mg but others who have monitored you more closely argued strongly against it." I had no doubt who that 'others' was. Ben was still looking out for me. "Surely you don't think that an individual who only 30 hours ago honestly believed they were on a hidden camera reality show should be allowed to dictate their initial prescription." She hadn't needed to regale my previous exploits. I have been reliving them nearly every second of the day. I didn't actively agree with her but she clearly took my silence as compliance. "I'll write it up and you'll get your first dose in the morning. Sleep well." With that she was up and out the door before I even thought to say good bye.
It's 3 p.m. on my third, and hopefully final day at the hospital. The bird house I made during arts and crafts is drying and I am coloring peacefully in the sunlight filtering through one of the large windows. Mother came to see me last night. After she hugged and kissed me for 10 straight minutes we talked about how I was feeling. She must of had a million questions but she didn't ask any of them. She just wanted to know I was ok. The grief I was causing her hurt on a visceral level, but I was also glad to see she cared so deeply. She wasn't prone to gregarious displays of affection and the attention, while odd, was appreciated. My family was the best, with their continued support I knew everything would work out fine.

Breakfast had been a languid affair. Everyone was either groggy from sleep or pills. I agonized over the two innocuous looking pills given to me with my meal. The irrational part of me was offended at the orderly waiting quietly patient, until I swallowed the meds. The effects hit me an hour later. I felt slower, duller. Not as excited about, anything. There was a certain amount of peacefulness that came with the drowsiness but I wasn't sure it was worth it.

Several stories below, two paramedics struggled with a man in a strait jacket. I was unruly after being admitted and had been strapped to a bed at one point, but I never was subjected to the full upper body bind that this individual was suffering. My mind told me this person must be truly dangerous but I stamped that down with compassion and the realization that I was viewed as dangerous and a threat not even 48 hours ago.

The paramedics were assisted by other hospital personnel and the mass of bodies disappeared through the automatic doors. I sat back in my chair and mentally prepared myself to make the acquaintance of my new floor mate.

Word count: 999

Prompt: "*Carv*Winner & New Prompt! Entries due 10/28 @ 11:59am"  
List three of your strengths and three of your weakness, followed by a poem or story in which your character (not you) shares these same traits except I want you to SHOW the traits, not call them by name. For example, if two of your traits are unorganized and clumsy, you could SHOW them off here: "She bumped her glass of milk over the scattered bills." Please BOLD each "shown trait" in your entry. There should be six!

Original 1123 words
'felt no need or desire to'
"A sharp jerk of color caught my peripheral attention. Out the window and ...I had a clear view of the emergency entrance. I could not make out faces or details, only colors./I'm not sure how I knew without seeing much detail but I was sure the white mass was someone in a strait jacket and they were not happy. I didn't think they even used strait jackets anymore.
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