Decided to write a little something up about my favourite wasteland waifu
|The dulled sunlight scattered across the commonwealth, the irradiated, emaciated trees breaking the cloudy sun rays, pointing sharply from the ground across the landscape like little pins.
"I gotta say, Blue, there's something weirdly beautiful about this place sometimes."
You looked over to Piper, who returned a smile.
The two of you were sat on the top of some old industrial building, left to rot and crumble, and infest with scuttling, pinching radroaches and the dried, skeletal remains of people who lived long ago.
Despite the musty, dusty cramped interior of the building, the view from where you sat now had to be one of the more beautiful in the wasteland.
"Ooh." She groaned suddenly, she'd been grunting all day, wincing and then smiling as soon as she'd realised you'd seen her.
"Are you alright, Piper?"
Once again, she seemed almost embarrassed that you'd just heard her groan, and tried to fein a smile.
"Oh, yeah, I'm fine, blue. Just a stomach ache, that's all!"
You weren't sure she was telling the truth.
"If you insist." You responded, looking back over the landscape.
"Well, maybe it's a little worse than just a 'little' stomach ache."
You knew it.
"What is it?"
"I'm not sure, it just really hurts, blue. It has been like, all day."
"Well, what do you think's wrong? Should we go and pay doctor sun a visit?"
"Oh, no! Nothing that serious... I'm pretty sure it's just.. Well..."
She got all reserved and quiet, breaking eye contact as her cheeks were lightly brushed with a tint of red.
"What?" You pressed. As fourthright as Piper usually was, she had a strong tendency to suddenly get nervous about certain topics, more often than not your relationship being one of them.
"Gas, blue.. Y'know.."
It was quite an embarrassing subject.
Piper was definitely not a girly girl; far from it.
She was happy to swear, drink, smoke, even pick her nose around you (and on some occasions proceed to eat her findings), but you didn't think you'd ever heard her expel gas, apart from perhaps a quick suppressed burp after a particularly big gulp of nuka cola.
"You, uh, what do you think about that, blue?"
"Uh, um, well... It's not exactly something to be that worried about, compared to the sort of thing we usually have to worry about out here, Piper."
She briefly laughed. "I guess you're right there."
She still seemed a bit unsure. "You see, I kinda had a bit of a situation regarding, um, gas before. I've always been a bit wary since then."
She coughed nervously.
"It's... A bit of a story, Blue."
"I don't mind."
"Well, you're not exactly the very first guy I've.. Y'know, done something like this with.. Dated."
"Nope. There was... A very short relationship with this guy years ago, and it ended pretty badly."
At this point she shuffled a bit uneasily, clearly still a bit bothered by whatever happened.
"We were having dinner with his parents, and... Well, I was more of a tomboy back then"
MORE of a tomboy!?
".. I thought maybe it would be funny... I... I had this huge burp just brewing, just begging to come up, and I just had to
Show everyone, right?"
She was getting pretty excited.
"So, I just let it out... And, well, the reaction to it wasn't exactly as impressed as I had expected..."
She blushed even harder now.
"He broke up with me over a burp, blue. Was that.. My fault?"
"I don't think so."
You couldn't say something as measly as a belch would deter you.
"You really don't?"
"Not at all. Actually, it's pretty funny."
"I'm so glad I met you, blue. You're such an understanding guy, you know."
"I try." You chuckled.
"I have this really, really big burp I've been holding down all day. You're sure you don't care if I.. Yknow...?"
You simply nodded in approval. A little gas was hardly something to fall out over.
"Ok, here goes."
Her little glove-covered hands clenched expectedly, her mouth opening up as Piper let rip with a loud roar of a burp, followed by a quick cough and sigh of relief.
"Oh, man, that was a good one." She chuckled. You laughed in response.
"I didn't know you had it in you, Piper."
You commented. What a bad idea.
"Oh, really, blue? You think because I'm a girl I'm not capable of burping like a guy, huh?" She was half joking, but you could tell you'd ignited a spark of competitiveness inside the brazen reporter.
"Hold up.. Let me show you what I can do."
She seemed very enthusiastic to do so, fishing around in her carry bag and picking out an unopened bottle of nuka cola, flicking the lid off easily and chugging it down without care.
You watched, impressed by her enthusiasm, as Piper pulled the bottle away from her, casting it down to the ground below you, and waiting around for the gas to bubble up and rise up her gullet.
She squinted her eyes and held her mouth open as the violent, loud belch came from her mouth, slightly disjointed, but still incredibly loud.
"There! What did you think of that one, Blue?"
She shot you a certain look, one that showed she was completely proud of her product.
You clapped, half jokingly. "Very good."
"That's right! And - oh, I got another bit in the-"
She was cut off mid-sentence by a deep, wavering burp.
"Hoooh! And - hey, that stomach ache is going a little bit, but... Not enough yet."
She seemed pretty uncomfortable still.
"I guess there's only one more option..."
She smirked playfully, looking over at you as her dark, bold, green eyes sliding across and fixing lovingly on you, with a small flicker of completion blazing behind the admiration.
You knew exactly what she meant, she knew exactly what she meant, and you just turned away and laughed.
"Go ahead, Piper."
She nodded, and almost immediately laid a soft, but rumbly fart onto the cold stone platform you were both sitting on, temporarily warming it up.
"Whew! I can't tell you how long I've been holding that in. It's not as easy to make your farts silent as you'd think." She giggled in that adorable little way she did. She had really gotten very uncouth, very quick, but you didn't mind.
"And that's not all of it, blue." Her face lit up again mischievously as she shuffled where she was sat, her legs spreading apart a little more as her butt, hanging off the side of the wall, let out a little burst of noisy air, followed by a deep sigh from Piper, who wafted one of her fingerless gloves down by her side.
You suddenly stopped, and coughed.
You could smell something nasty - very nasty.
It took you a moment to realise where the absolutely appalling smell was coming from; was there a ghoul nearby? A super mutant?
No - of course.
As you turned round to Piper, pinching your nose and glaring accusingly, she was already giggling.
"Don't say I didn't warn ya, blue."
Her nostrils flared.
"It does stinky pretty bad today though, whew! I guess I ought to cut down on those noodles from Takahashi, huh, Blue."
You coughed. That gross, almost-but-not-quite eggy smell was still lingering by your nose.
"That's just foul." You laughed, she laughed along too.
"I can't believe you haven't run away or anything by now."
"Of course not. Now, don't say I'm not having my doubts." You joked.
"And... Surprise surprise, there's still more.. Oohf - not too much more though, blue, don't worry."
She leant over, hands on belly, and started making some strained grunting noises, her black hair falling just over her face, and Piper blowing it out of the way again.
"This one's stuck... Doesn't want to come out.."
After about ten more seconds of force, a very loud, and very bubbly fart reverberated against the wall Piper was sitting on, half muffled but incredibly wet-sounding.
"Jesus CHRIST, Piper!" You cried, still laughing, shuffling across the wall to get away from her disgusting gas.
"Sorry, B-blue.." She was laughing too hard to speak, the laughter forcing out a few sharp quacks from her stinky butt, in time with her cackling.
The smell hit you, about five times worse than before. "Aww! Piper! God!" You pulled your shirt up over your nose, standing up and pacing away from your gassy companion.
"You could kill a radroach with that!"
"Oh, it's not THAT bad, blue! Well, maybe it is, but..." She started laughing again. You never knew Piper had such a juvenile sense of humour - not that you really cared.
"Ok, ok, I'm done farting now, blue. I swear!"
You could still smell the horrible trashy scent from a good four meters away.
"Just... One last one, it's just eager to get out, I can't disappoint it."
Piper stood up too, maintaining her distance from you for the sake of your nose, as she leant over to one side, her opposing leg lifting up at her side and bending as you could hear another equally as bubbly, rumbly fart undulate the seat of her pants, rip through them with a sharp, loud piercing blare.
She gasped mid-fart, her face one of intense concentration as she pressured the impressive eight second-long fart from her bowels.
"Oh! Wow! That was a wet one! I could really feel that one, heh heh."
So much for being reserved...
"Ok, that's it, blue, my stomach feels alright now. Sorry you had to.. Be witness to that."
Luckily the wind was blowing away from you, so you didn't have to get a whiff of what you imagined to be the worst fart of them all.
Piper skipped up to you, coming up to you and reaching up to kiss you, staring into your eyes lovingly.
"I'm just happy you were able to let me do that, blue. I don't think I know of many guys who would be so cool with their significant other just doing something like that. I'm gonna pay you back when we get home, believe me."
She winked, reaching down and holding her hand in yours.
"Where did it come from!?" You heard a voice shout from somewhere below.
"I don't know, you said it was a fart!?"
"Yeah, yeah, sounded like a supermutant or something, real nasty."
Piper gave you a little chuckle.
"You hear that, Blue? They thought it was a supermutant!" She could barely contain her laughter.
The raiders got closer, and you could hear them enter the building below as you rushed off, gun raised and Piper faltering along behind you.