by P. Parker
A mysterious adventure hints at the possibility of a sequel.
|Albert Squab and the Curious Case of Handsome Stanson the Rat Bastard
"Dont go to bed when your angry. Go to bed when you are tired."
-H. Stanson the Rat Bastard
Albert Squab stands patiently by the entry of Squab Detective Agency clutching a boiling pot of grease. A giggling and snorting Lassarus eagerly slurps down sardines in anticipation for what was next to come. Squab glances at the clock. The time reads 10:23, three and a half hours after they open for business. The door handle jiggles from someone trying to open it on the other side. Lassarus squirts mystery juice from several body holes in excitment. The door swings open and Squab makes his move. The boiling grease flies through the air and lands on the face of a confused Handsome Stanson. Stanson howls in pain as Lassarus howls with laughter.
"Thats what happens when your'e late!" screamed Squab, as he began laughing his perfect ass off.
"Why!?" Stanson inquired as tears and hot grease dripped down his face.
A few moments pass and the laughter and screaming die down. They all find themselves awkwardly sitting in the filth of the previous events. In the silence, they all shuffle back to where they belong and continue their day. Stanson and Squab sit at their desks behind the receptionists office. An hour of quiet paperwork passes and then a sudden break in the silence.
"So..." began Squab, "Why were you late today?"
Squab immediately cringes at his mistake. He new that by ever asking Handsome Stanson the Rat Bastard a question he would be treated to and endless conversation about something he didnt care about.
"Funny story," started Stanson as a smile darted across his face. Squab could only imagine the pain that was caused, due to Stansons fresh burns, by emoting so strongly. Stanson spouted off nonsense for a while and Squab did his best to ignore him. Stansons words fade to silence as Squab watches and, for the first time, begins to take notice of Handsome Stansons strange behaviour. Stansons freshly burned face was so delighted to see that Squab had an interest in his life outside of work. It was as if all this time Stanson had been saving his quirky anecdotes for the moment Albert Squab took an interest. Stansons eyes were so wide from exitement that he was forgetting to blink. Squab was disgusted at Stansons obvious obsession so he rose from his seat mid-story. Stanson looked on in confusion but was determined to finish his tale. Squab walked out the door and left Stanson alone halfway through the story he always wanted to tell. Stanson is heartbroken and face burnt, however he continues to tell the story through tears of sadness to a non-existent audience. His voice rises as he recites his well rehearsed story until he is screaming at the walls. Lassarus sobs silently with sympathy in the other room, for she knew all too knew the sting of one sided love.