by Ruby Sue
Lola sits at her vanity.... stage center...stage is dim...only spot light is on her.
She holds a pharmaceutical bag still stapled shut in her hand. She makes a few awkward faces and gestures it herself in the "mirror" before opening the bag... she cuts her finger on the staple, utters a few obscenities.
OUCH!!! Mother Fucker, really???!!!!!
(sucks blood from her wound, makes another dramatic face, pulls pill bottle from bag... before tossing bag into trash. Holds pill bottle up to the light, smiles awkwardly, retrieves bag from trash can.)
This shit ought a be good!
(Removes attached pamphlets from outer packaging, opens and begins to sarcastically read aloud)
Lets see, Side effects and warnings....here we go....
Use of this medication may provide relief from symptoms of Head Ache and moderate to severe depression . Blah Blah.....
(scrolls down a little further in pamphlet.)
Side effects may include but are not limited to, Sleepiness, Dizziness, damage to kidneys including kidney failure, or urinary tract infections, restless legs, vomiting ,explosive diarrhea, heart attack, stroke, high blood pressure, life threatening allergic reactions, including asthma attacks in people who have asthma.
(Lola rises, darts across the stage, grabs a blanket and sloppily wraps herself in it in a single swoop, sits atop her area rug.... gives a shit eating grin to an imaginary audience....turns, .throws the package across the room and comes to attention as if performing a play on stage ....tossils her hair, and "gets into character" draping the blanket around herself... in a manner of overdramatic Shakespearian portrayal , clears throat)
Side effects of prolonged used of this medication may include:
distinct changes and rapid growth of facial hair, anal seepage, a tendency to urinate on objects before unseen, sudden swelling of lymph nodes and mucous membranes, decreased flow of oxygen into airways with feelings of general asphyxiation, immediate hardening of the arteries, foul breath, rancid anal emissions, skin lesions, large boils or pustules that spontaneously erupt on skins surface with potential for moderate to severe oozing, Bleeding eardrums, becoming easily bruised, sudden advanced symptoms of every sexually transmitted disease known to man, Chronic schizophrenia with onset depression due to sudden death of one or more multiple personalities, spontaneous over production of mucus causing skin to appear damp and coated with film, sudden increase in decibels of voices inside of your own head, a tendency to crave raw beef liver and the inability to control yourself whether in public or private around such products.