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Rated: E · Letter/Memo · Comedy · #2140513
(A.K.A. the homework I'm procrastinating right now.)
Dear Weekend Homework,

         You, yes you. The elephant sitting in the corner in classes on Friday. The one thing everyone believes if they pray hard enough, you won't follow them home. Yet you decide to come anyway. I can promise you, as people are reading Shakespeare over the weekend, they were wishing they could stab you in the back and hear you say, E tu? I'm pretty sure all of us would respond with a "Yeah, I have no regrets". Students are wishing you were an unneeded variable, so they could through you out of the equation of our lives. You are useless. We rush through you. You make us spend an hour doing something productive, when we have spent our whole week doing that. Let kids, be kids.

         Okay, I have another bone to pick with you. Do you realize, most of the time teachers don't even take you for a grade? WHAT WERE YOU ASSIGNED FOR THEN? I wasted an hour of my life on you, and what do I get? "Oh it was just a completion grade." I do not understand. Why were you assigned? Why? Is this one of life's great mysteries? At school, I'm always told, "Go out, be social!" Well how am I supposed to do it,when you're looming right behind me. Always asking when I'm going to complete you? I will get to you eventually, just keep your geometry problems on. Also, can we talk about studying? WHY would you make us study for a Monday test. That's like telling a newscaster during the commercial break to keep interviewing. It's dumb. It'll be at half effort, I don't want to do, and above all, I don't have time to do it.

         So please, please, from all of us in high school, stop. We don't want to find your X, she is not coming back. To be or not to be is not the question we are asking. What we are asking is that you would please not come out.

Yours in ink,

G. Goughnour
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