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Rated: E · Fiction · Comedy · #2171436
A true story, my dealings with a un-named major department store just before Christmas
It was three nights before Christmas and all through the Department stores (just kidding-only had to contact two) was not my futon found. Department store creatures were stirring and trying to find my misplaced item. The stockings, I am sure were hung by all chimneys throughout my community, and with care. However, where could have my gift been placed with care? The Department store Website said it had been delivered but where? The children were nestled (not really - too soon) while parents scurried about looking for last minute gifts and I was on the phone looking for managers (capable Elves) to track down my Special Ops situation.

I called the Website who graciously put me in contact, with, what I believe, was an automated Elf. So, if you are missing an Elf, I may know where he/she is. Now, no help did I receive through automation because it tells me what I already know is incorrect. The tracking system (which is probably NORAD), said it had been delivered and picked up. Well, I thought to myself how can this be. My son is the pickup man (and soon to be my hit man) and he hasn't been called. He is too busy playing Elf number two, three, four and more.

So, the Elf on the shelf at Departmentstore.Com gets a lump of coal next year but there is good news. Because I have watched all those spy shows on television (Special Ops), I was able to get assistance from Department Store #9999 by a very well trained Elf named Edith. She pulled some strings or sugarplums (not sure which) and got me some very confidential information. She is such a jewel! Well, off I went with this hot tip to the Department Store #9999 who was to receive and care for, my package.

Now there is more good news. I met up with wonderful Elf Manager Karen at Department Store #10000. She, being a higher up Elf, threw some magic dust around and tracked down my package. Needless to say, I said hip hip hooray! I also said thank you to the Father in Heaven for real human beings! The world of automation has a long way to go!

So, I can relate to Santa and his Elves and all that they must go through getting all of those packages delivered on time to the correct places. No wonder it takes jillions of Elves, a fat man, eight reindeer (on a bad night probably more, including Rudolph), a sleigh and NORAD to deliver all those precious packages to all those deserving children who in less than five seconds can destroy what took mom and dad to wrap in twenty plus minutes with the assistance of tons of Scotch tape.

So I say Merry Christmas to all, thank you Department Stores numbers 9999 and 10000 (Edith and Karen) for going above and beyond (which the Elf on the shelf and Departmentstore.Com could not do), in seeing that this customer has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

December 2016
Note: Department store's name changed to protect us all!

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