when you are living in the fantasy world you created,you get hurt when the reality hits...
|I climb to the top of the mountain of fantasies beyond reality in my happiest time,instead of what I have done, just like I reached a success of hope that I never had. I didn’t realize the cuts in my hands from the obstacles I have come upon. I didn’t feel tired at all, yet it wasn’t easy to climb up there. But it was so easy to get hurt on the way to the find the reality. I look at my wounded hands and said it was worth it because I was at the top of the mountain of the fantasies.
After a while I felt tired and close my eyes slowly without thinking of the danger that might come upon. the dream I had held me deeply with warmth and hope, the smell of the flowers was so strong that I didn’t even have to be around them. the thorns of the flowers didn’t even hurt, and the warmth was touching my heart...my skin...but it was just a dream that will only last for a moment. A sharp pain woke me up from the dream I never want to wake up. I didn’t understand how I end up on the edge of the cliff. I didn’t see or hear it come… my bleeding hands were trying to find something to grab. I was trying to climb back up to the top just to go back to that dream. Was it my fault to fell or someone else tried to push me in my sleep. I didn’t even care. All I wanted to go back, all I wanted to climb back before my hands gave up. Before I lost my strength to fight. I was tired of life and weight that I was carrying for years. My eyes my heart my memories were carrying the meanings of my experiences.I didn’t see the danger coming at me slowly. As I wish that nightmare to end, with my last try I pulled so hard one more time. I had no strength, no believe in my body and in my heart. It was all my fault to be there all alone. I was the one wanted to climb up to fantasies. I was the one close my eyes to fell into the most beautiful dreams without thinking of the danger hiding behind my weaknesses. The moment I gave up I saw that tiny roots sticking out from the dirt. I held onto it without caring the thorns that hurt me the most. I didn’t care how it will never heal because all I wanted to stay alive and go back to reality. I didn’t see the corruption that the mountain was given to me or I didn’t want to see it. I thought I found the happiness over there. I thought it was my shelter that I could be me in it. It was my temple. I took a deep breath and think…
How did I end up on the edge? Was I alone? And again every question lead to another question with no answer.
I was on top again but this time I was more careful. When my body was shaking and tumbling from exhaustion, I didn’t close my eyes. I saw the wolf with piercing eyes and freezing breath walking around me. I know that he would find me again soon. I had no chance to fight it this time. I was never able to go back to that dream. I always left one Eye open for the danger, but I forgot that the other one was closed.
All the sudden unexpected blizzard surround me with it’s sharp cold that cut through my skin. The cold was unbearable so I had to light a fire. It was the biggest mistake. I gave up to the warmth and fell asleep… I fell asleep knowing that it will be my end.
The wolf waiting for me,saw I was vulnerable, and used this chance to attack. I tried to fight but the cold and my open wounds wouldn’t let me. The wolf grabbed me with his blade sharp teeth from my neck and throw me off of the cliff. I couldn’t find anything to grab. Not even a tiny branch. Not anything at all. While I was tumbling down from the cliff, I tried to hold on the earth with my fingers and destroy my hands. I finally hit the base of the mountain with pain and....
With the sun light piercing my eyes the next morning, I tried to open my eyes. I thought all was just a nightmare that I will wake up. I was still breathing but it was just that. I was alone and scared. With broken bones and drowning in a puddle of blood, I scream for help with tears but my voice was never raised. even if I could scream there was nobody to hear. Nobody was there to hear me or help me. And the voice in my head said “just shut up”. Close your eyes and gave up. Maybe it’s the only way”.