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Rated: E · Letter/Memo · Experience · #2197670
Letter to myself and the church I attended during a very low period in my life.

Finding God in Washington State

By Dawn

November 13, 2014


One year ago today my life was in turmoil. A few hours into the day it turned 180 degrees and I was free!

Free of the bondage of hopelessness, loneliness, guilt, shame and the desire to end Gods precious gift. Why?

Let's go back a few years. May 2009 to be exact.

I've experienced more traumatic events in a short period of time. Certainly more than my share. We all go through at least one in a lifetime however, I was blindsided with many within three months.

Losing a good paying job was only the beginning. In a blink of time I would lose everything! Everything except my physical self.

I have been fortunate to be well accomplished and have lived three of my dreams. Not many can say that!

A lifetime ago I was a kind, caring, personable, tenacious and fun loving girl. The key word "was".

While living in the mountains of Colorado (where I was born) I came back to work after taking a short vacation.

I worked a half day and was given the words I no longer had a job and handed my last paycheck. What? Seriously? I worked half a day and don't get paid for it I thought. Then walked out the door with my belongings never to look back.

It's amazing how much your life can spiral out of control with just one event. It is said that a person finds out who their family and friends are when being down and out. I'm here to tell you it's a fact!

Following the loss of my job I will list the major events that caused my downward spiral.

  • Move out of mountains

  • Stayed at my ex-husbands house until ready to move to WA

  • Had a painful argument with my son that would change the course of our lives

  • Moved to WA

  • Shared a house with a sociopath. Feared for my life

  • Moved into my car to be safe

  • Boyfriend of 10yrs broke up with me

  • Suicidal thoughts put me at Harborview twice in one week. It's hard to grieve when you are hit in so many directions

  • Poor mental and physical health caused by so many traumatic events in a short period of time

  • Bought a sailboat (didn't know how to sail) and lived on it for two years. This was the highlife yet an adjustment on how to keep warm and dry during awful weather

  • Took a very bad fall on my 50th birthday and tore my ACL, sprained both ankles, blew two muscles in my calf and eventually needed surgery to repair the damage. This was all while living on a sailboat which required a lot of balance

  • Moved off boat

  • My dog and I moved back into my car

  • Not being able to find employment and the small amount of money I received from the state wasn't enough to live on

  • During all these years my mental and physical health were increasingly made worse by my situation

  • Moved into a "friends" house who were concerned about me and my dog living in the car during bad weather. I thought this was nice of them until they broke into my car and took Everything I had in it

  • Since 2011 I waited to be approved for SSD

  • Approved November 13, 2013

One has no idea how to relate to someone who has gone through such an ordeal. To completely understand, one must go through the heartrending situation.

It is very hard finding new safe places to park the car to rest so we wouldn't be disturbed. It's a scary world out there!

Now, going backwards a few months I need to share my experience with the Good Shepherd.

Running out of places to park I was connected to Sidewalk for assistance in locating housing and help finding other resources.

By this time I was no longer the same person I once was and needed help with so many things.

My advocate was wonderful. She was able to connect me to certain resources which could help. I was so drained and tired I had no more strength to help myself.

I turned my life over to God. I was done! If you lose the passion that drives you, the end is near. I was there.

Through extenuating circumstances I became connected with the Church of Good Shepherd.

I was unaware of what was coming. I hadn't been to church in over 30 years and was brought up Southern Baptist in Colorado. How weird is that?

During this last year with the church, the congregation and God would help my transformation from a lonely, sad little girl with nothing to live for to the fun loving, caring, devoted person you see today.

Generosity is the one word to describe the help, support and care I've received from this church. My church, God's church.

I would like to thank Pastor's John and Chuck for giving me the opportunity to see what God will do for me or anyone if only you pray and ask for help. For me it was the fear of asking and being turned down like so many times before. I was distrusting of everyone so God took my hand and walked me through the door of Good Shepherd.

There are too many people to thank but I hope you know who you are. I was overwhelmed by the power of God and this congregation.

Without Good Shepherd I would still be the sad, lonely broken little girl who could no longer do things for herself.

I came to this church in despair. Now I continue my faith by praying, asking God to continue holding my hand. I was baptized here and now show my thanks by giving back to the church, staff and congregation.

So here I am full circle one year later with money, (you don't realize what it's like to not have it until it's totally gone) a new vehicle and a home to call my own. And quite a lot in-between!

All of you have given Sapphire and I so much. Thanks to the church, congregation and God I have returned with a purpose and reason to live. My passion for marine science has returned.

I light a candle in my heart every day for people like you. And who would have thought I would find God in Washington State!

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