The life I would have loved but chose not to live.
| Our friends gave us time to talk. I didn't know what to say, i didn't know how to feel, yet i gave you a smile from ear to ear. Twas a pure silence and then my child gave us a big laugh. That's when you finally started to talk,
"Is this child mine?" , you asked.
"No, he's mine, he's my son.", i replied, i was in pain but then i realized I cannot hide any longer. After all, I named my child after you, and me.
Then I finally said it, I told you everything that you needed to know. I had my faults, i accepted my mistakes so i said sorry. Maybe it's wrong that I did not let you know sooner but at that time, it's the only choice i could take. I couldn't bear with it any longer, i started asking myself,
"why am i explaining?"
"why am i saying sorry?"
"why is it that i feel that I'm the only one to blame?".
I was waiting for your explanation but i got nothing. You were staring at my child, as if i was not there. I don't know what's going on in your mind, I didn't know how you may have felt. But i said i want nothing from you, i won't ask for any support and we will not become a burden. The only thing i asked was your permission to let my child know that he has a father of his own, that when he grow up, i can tell him that he has you. Twas getting dark and we have to leave, i ended our conversation inviting you to my child's birthday party and also to our farewell party.
I thought you had left the country already so I was not expecting you to come, but you came together with our photographer. I was happy because this could be the last time you're seeing our son. All is well, but people kept asking me who you were and I only said you're a close friend.
You spent the whole afternoon holding and taking care of our child. You did not complain. My child was very fond of you as if he knew you for a long time. It would've been good i guess, you, me and our child. If only...
It was dark outside, and only close friends and family member remains. I was tending our child to sleep and you were there having drinks with my friends. You guys became close sharing jokes, exchanging conversations. I finally joined the group, you guys had your fair share of shots, everything was going well when my best friend asked what was going on between us. I didn't know what to say, i wanted to tell everyone that you're the father my child but then i looked at you and i just said, "we we're just friends".
You spent the night with us, and went home the following day. Our baby was crying, it was clear that he doesn't want you to go. We said our goodbyes, tears started to roll on my cheeks as i said, "let's meet again somewhere, sometime".