a fictional explanation to a news story from Ohio
CEMETERY MONKEYS BY APONDIA
A MONKEY FICTIONAL ACCOUNT WRITTEN WHILE AWAKE
I was sound asleep in front of the TV when a pounding scratching noise sounded. Bang scratch thump, the loud sound and suddenness of waking disoriented me. I thought it was the TV so I picked up the remote and pressed off. Sudden silence in the room showed me the sound was coming from the front door.
How strange. I peeked through the door peeper. How strange a large brown eye was peeping back at me then the noise started up again followed by eek! erk! eek!.
I only know one creature that this could be. I turned the dead bolt and the door flew open almost knocking me off my feet. Yep there he is. “Andre what are you doing here so far from Canada?”
Andre ran straight to the kitchen. I followed.
He threw open the refrigerator door. “No, I don’t keep beer in my house Andre. I do have some plum wine.”
I reached for the bottle on the counter but Andre reached it first. He popped the cork, which flew up and hit the fire sprinkler system which set off sprays of water and a howling noise from the fire warning system.
My phone rang. “ No sir it’s a false alarm. I’ll reset the system.” Which I did as soon as I hung up the phone.
Andre with both arms high in the air and dangling the wine bottle started jumping up and down and motioning for the door. “Should I follow a monkey who might be drunk?”
I couldn’t take the screeching so I followed him out the door and down the walk to the street where a bus drew up quickly at the curb. At this point, the fact that I might be having a strange dream occurred to me.
Andre jumped onto the bus and motioned to me to follow. All the time he is swinging the wine bottle around so some wine splashed out. Cautiously, I entered the bus.
“Tickets? Tickets? Can’t ride free,” woofed the dog in the drivers seat. There was a cup fastened to the dash which Andre filled from the wine bottle. The bus door slammed shut.
Andre grabbed my hand with his leathery one and dragged me to a seat. The bus whooshed away.
The bus was going so fast I could not see any thing but rushing white cloudy wind out the windows.
The stop was so sudden I fell forward against the seat in front of ours. I looked around to see if anyone got hurt and realized we were the only passengers. “What Kind of Bus is this?”
Andre shriveled in the seat a little and said, “oo, oo,” and handed me a copy of a book, The Prisoner of Azkaban. Then he bounded from his seat and out the door. I followed. Across the side walk was a grey stone wall. Andre went up the wall and dangled in a tree limb high over head, that was leaning over from the inside of the wall.
NO. No. I’m not climbing the wall.The bus had dropped us at the entry to a cemetery. It had a sign that said St. Joseph's. I wasn’t sure what street we were on only that we were somewhere in Cincinnati, Ohio. It was dark. The gate was shut. Not for long. Andre soon had it opened. Don’t ask. I don’t know how he opened it. Maybe it wasn:t locked.
The moon was so bright I could see beautiful stones set in a peaceful setting of green lawn and cared for woodsy trees. One of heavens gardens waiting for resurrection.
Andre grabbed my hand and started down a cement paved walkway. The walkway twisted and turned until it came to a cement block building. There were some eerie sounds coming from the building. It did have a window along one side so I peeked in.
You know it’s scary in a cemetery at night. Then a head popped up. It was kind of shriveled and the hair stuck out all which ways. I couldn’t help it, I shrieked and then the head shrieked and Andre started pointing and doing that chimp laugh he does. Then he flung open the door and out popped 5 monkeys. One had its hand stuck in a small collection box. I showed it to open it’s hand and it could pull the hand out, but it shook it’s head no. Andre, thwacked him on the head with a bunch of flowers he picked from a pot near by and the monkey opened it's hand and let go of the coins it was trying to rob from the box and the box fell right off it’s hand.
Andre and I each grabbed a monkey by the hand right and left and the smallest one jumped up to set on my shoulder and we walked right back out of that lovely restful place, to where the bus was waiting, at the curb. We boarded and the bus driver yelled woof so Andre stuffed the dash cup full of flowers from the cemetery. and the bus took off with a whoosh which knocked us all off our feet into seats.
We stopped at a big mansion. Andre handed the young upstart monkey clan to a butler who was waiting at the curb. He put leashes on each monkey and handed them each a granola bar and a banana. “Thanks Andre, the master has been very upset since the imps went missing.” The butler with his charges turned and walked back toward the house which stood behind fence and gates on a high hill.
Andre re-boarded the bus. It took off. Next stop was outside my home. I turned and waved as I walked toward the house. Andre waved back. He had the wine bottle in one hand and was pouring another nip over the flowers for the bus driver who was now howling at the moon.
I guess Andre was heading back to his Banana Bar.
Next morning I listened to a news report about monkeys loose in a cemetery in Ohio. Guess it wasn’t a dream after all.
Word count 1022 by Journal 7 -- May need editing.