“I need coffee.”
My dog looks up at me to see if this means anything exciting to him. Concluding it does not, he flops his head back on his paws and goes back to sleep.
I wish I could flop my head on my paws and go back to sleep. I wonder if when he goes to sleep he dreams of all the things he should still be doing like I seem to do these days. Even sleep doesn’t seem to help anymore. It’s like I wake up daily to a new deficit. My mind only rests enough to remind me of all the things I forgot about in the confusion of doing all the things I remembered needed doing before I fell asleep.
I do write lists, but too many lists. I now have lists of lists and then another list telling me which list to look at for which information. My mind is so full most of the time that I don’t bother trying to think anymore. I just deal with things as they happen, and refer to my lists the rest of the time.
I look back at my dog sleeping at my feet, he makes a sniffy noise. He must be dreaming. Do I dream anymore? I can’t remember any lately, only the sudden waking up, after not remembering going to sleep, sometimes still sitting in my chair, drooling on my papers...
“I need coffee,” I say again, this time only to myself, no sense waking my puppy again. As I get up, I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.
When I open them, I am in a different room, my room, in my apartment. I am not the person I thought I was. I was asleep, in a dream.
Good Lord! I need coffee!!