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Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #2259004
Lance's relatives come to visit him.
Lance Decker Rock's Relatives

By Shadowgate


Seven year old Lance Decker Rock came down the stairs after finishing his hot bath. His mother called him three times and when he finally came down he said "mom I maybe young but give me time to get down the stairs."

His mother replied "I'm glad you're finally down because they're here."

Lance went to the front door and opened it to find his two cousins 13 year old David O'Connor and eight year old Connie along with his Aunt Linda and Uncle Barrett.
Lance shouted "it's great to see all of you."

He hugged Connie and then they all piled into a rental van to go out to eat.

David told Lance to buckle up and he did. Barrett started the van and they headed out.

Linda said to Lance "we've not seen you since last summer. Have you done anything exciting since last summer?"

Lance answered "well last month I went over to my best friend's house. His name is Terry Hank and while I was there both his parents were gone so he was being looked after by a babysitter. Now his mother made a mistake."

Linda asked "well what was the mistake she made?"

Lance answered "she left her cellphone at home and Terry told me he was going to prank call Wal-Mart. When he did he asked the lady on the other end if Wal-Mart had the book Mommy Fell In The Toilet."

David and Connie laughed and Lance continued "anyhow Terry told me the lady on the other end said that book is not appropriate for children and then Terry hung up. Then right after that the babysitter came out and screamed 'Terry are you making prank calls again?"

Terry said "no" and then Lance began laughing. Linda asked him "what's so funny?"
Lance answered "right after the babysitter yelled at Terry she sat down on his ice cream cone."

David, Connie, and Lance all start laughing out loud.

David added his input "the lady working at Wal-Mart doesn't want kids to enjoy reading."

David's mother Linda quickly snapped "no it sounds like she wants that book to be kept away from children."

Lance voiced his opinion. "Well I think that lady at Wal-Mart should go sit on an ice cream cone."

All three kids laughed in the car once again.

Linda said "alright Lance let me ask you this. How was school this past year?"

Lance answered "I prefer summer vacation to school."

Connie and David both backed Lance on his answer and once again Linda found herself annoyed.

Barrett decided to take over the conversation.

"Lance what I want to know is why you were over at your best friend's house when a babysitter was there. Usually babysitters are told not only to watch the kids but also not let anybody else in the house."

Lance answered "I guess the babysitter wasn't told that."
Connie and David laugh then David asked "did your best friend's parents tell the babysitter to sit on the ice cream cone?"

All three children laugh out loud hysterically.

Barrett cut in and said "look that's the way it's always been the parents tell the babysitter not to let anyone in."

David commented "don't worry dad if the babysitter can babysit Terry then she can babysit Lance because I have a feeling Terry and Lance are the same age."

Connie busted out laughing and then said "no David his best friend Terry is 85 years old."

David yelled "shut up Connie."

Barrett yelled "David don't tell your sister to shut up."

All three children had their ears plugged because Barrett yelled so loud.

Linda was annoyed with her husband but didn't say anything. She just sat back as they pulled into McDonalds.

They all slowly got out of the van and went inside for hot food.

They sat down to enjoy their hot food and 10 minutes later a man in a moose costume came inside hollering.
"Rahhhh Yahhhhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHH"

A little old lady yelled "oh my God."

After that the man in the moose costume ran out the door. The drive thru employee yelled "should we call the cops?"

The supervisor answered "no I don't think so. Everyone I want to apologize for the drama. That was a former employee who caused it. Again we are all very sorry."

An old man stood up and yelled "apology not accepted I'm going to your district manager to complain. There's always something ridiculous going on in this restaurant."

The old man stormed out in anger.
David asked "why is that old man going to complain? They can't fire an employee twice."

Lance answered "old people are grumpy and complain a lot because they all know they're going to die soon."

David and Connie laugh for five minutes straight. Other customers and McDonalds employees all stared with smirks on their faces.

Barrett and Linda were embarrassed.

Two minutes later.

16 year old Karen Colbert entered McDonalds and she walked up to the counter never noticing that one of the two children she recently babysat was behind her.
Lance shouted "there she is Karen Cockroach. She's Terry and I's babysitter. Karen come meet my aunt, uncle, and cousins."

Karen turned around and yelled "oh my God Lance Decker Rock. My name is not Karen Cockroach it's Karen Colbert."

Lance replied "oh really because Terry Hank told me your last name was cockroach."

Karen yelled "Terry Hank knows how to turn my crank and so do you. This may sound rude but I don't want to meet your relatives. I'm leaving."

Karen went charging out the door screaming her head off. At this point Barrett and Linda were super embarrassed.

Connie turned to Lance and said "Lance I think it would be a good idea to remember that her last name is Colbert."

Lance replied "right I sure don't want to upset the best babysitter there is."

10 minutes later

Lance and the O'Connor Family leave McDonalds and pile into the van.

Barrett started the van and as he did Linda's phone went 'ding' and she said "oh Lance your mom sent me a text."

Lance looked out the window at the gas station and saw a brown car. He said "hey that looks like my mom's car." Then they saw a large heavy set woman with long red hair get out the car.

Connie said "that's not her."

As they took off Linda said "oh Lance imagine if she was your mom."

Lance yelled out loud "that was nobody's momma. That was a Goddamn hippopotamus."

Barrett slammed on the breaks and the van went sliding. David, Connie, and Lance all screamed as loud as they could."

Barrett turned around and said "alright kids now look this whole outing has been one dramatic incident after another."

(Police Siren Comes Up Behind Them)

Lance said "oh I think you were driving recklessly Uncle Barrett."

The police officer spent 10 minutes talking with Barrett and let him off with a warning.

When they got Lance home his mother Tina asked "did you all have a good time?"

Three children responded "yes" but two grownups moaned.

Tina looked at her sister and brother in law and said "oh my lord you two look like you've been through a war zone."

The End

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