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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2272816-Could-Her-Money-Buy-It
Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Comedy · #2272816
A brief satire on a well known song.
Ardella was on the phone with Amazon, her Chanel Lumière wouldn't be delivered on time. She hollered into the phone; "Listen to me you petty worker, I gave you my money, all I'm asking is that you send my order!" She punctuated the end of her call by slamming the phone down on the nearby table.


Giggy's car pulled into the garage, he was home from work. She unbuttoned the top buttons of her blouse and settled onto the couch. He walked in and gave her a kiss. "Ooo, sweeter than honey!" she ululated. "And guess what, so is that $7,500 I transferred into your account." He shook his head in disgust, it was going to be another one of those nights. Ardella persisted; "You'd better not make me wait, my money has already been transferred to your account" she reiterated. "C'mon now baby, take care of TCB, take care of business." When he didn't supply her "propers" (as she called it), she'd go off on a tirade.


Ardella often tried to convince Giggy that "just a little bit" was enough. In reality, Giggy discovered that until she was fully gratified, she'd echo her discontent over and over. She was especially adamant on one point; "Give it to me when you get home!" was her ultimatum.


She gave him her money and she had precise expectations about what she wanted in return. She constantly threatened him; "Find out what it means to me" she'd menacingly remark. Giggy attempted to placate her supposed need for 'respect', but she kept repeating sexually charged phrases:"Whip it to me, baby!", "Sock it to me!" Her indelicate expressions had nothing to do with respect. You don't "whip" respect to a person, you can't "sock" respect to them.


Ardella began yelling again; "I gave you my money! C'mon, find out what it means to me! I'm just asking for a little bit, just an inconsequential amount of respect will appease me." He was aghast.


"Now listen to me" Giggy began. He explained that she'd somehow learned to correlate fiscal assets and love. "You mistakenly think love can be bought" explained Giggy. He suggested some modifications that he hoped would strengthen their relationship. He instructed her to stop giving him money for at least 6 months. "Ardie, you can't buy me. I respect you, because of you, not because of your money." A hot tear burned a path down her face. "I can't do that, baby. I need to give you my money. I'm so scared you're going to run out on me!" He hugged her tightly and told her that was a risk she'd have to take.


In the subsequent months the couple went in for counseling but to no avail. Ultimately, and with the utmost respect, Giggy left her.
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