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Rated: ASR · Column · Comedy · #694689
Computer Quiz for Seniors
For Seniors Only

The world of computers never ceases to amaze and astound me. Just when you start to think maybe the computer generation is about to pass you by and maybe you are getting too old to learn new tricks, you find out that the Canadian Association of Retired Persons has its own page on the World Wide Web. The next time you’re surfing the net drop by at http://www.fifty-plus.net and see what the ‘old folks’ are up to.

Now for a little multiple choice quiz to see if you’ve been paying attention.

Q What is/are Megahertz?

1. A medical term for a very severe pain
2. Shorthand notation for computer speed as measured in of millions of cycles per second
3. An action adventure movie starring Arnold Schwartzen-what-ever

Q What is CD-ROM?

1. A room reserved for the exclusive use of cats and dogs
2. A device that attaches to a computer to allow the use of Compact Disks as input, or Read Only Memory
3. A room in which card games are played

Q What is Multi-media?

1. The pile of newspapers that mysteriously appears around your favourite chair
2. A collection of mediocre audio tapes and cassettes
3. A term applied to a computer equipped with a CD-ROM, a sound card and speakers

Q What is a Hard Drive?

1. A couple of laps around the Indianapolis Speedway on race day
2. A large capacity disk drive for a personal computer
3. A drive to the dentist for a root canal accompanied by the proverbial back-seat-driver

Q What is Cyberspace?

1. That mysterious place where computers meet to communicate with each other
2. That very cold area between characters on a printed page
3. The newest breakfast fad developed by the Acme Cereal Company

Q What is a Gigabyte?

1. An extremely large mouthful
2. One thousand-million pieces of information as applied to hard disk space
3. A dinosaur during an afternoon feeding frenzy

Q What is a monitor?

1. A large lizard, related to the iguana, found in tropical areas
2. Someone in charge of hall etiquette during school hours
3. A computer visual output device similar in appearance to a television screen

Q What is a fax/modem?

1. The newest Italian automobile
2. A computer attachment that allows the transmission and reception of graphics and data over telephone lines.
3. Latin for “Peace to all who toil in modern society”

Q What is a Pentium?

1. A computer game that uses five teams of five players
2. The latest in a line of computer chip designations from Intel
3. The brightest star in the Pegasus constellation

Q Why are you spending your time answering these questions instead of doing something useful?

1. It’s a non-threatening way to spend an afternoon
2. To see if I really do know something about computers
3. Because I mis-behaved today and this is my penalty

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you were obviously not paying attention. Anyone who answered no to one or more questions, please re-read all previous From the Computer Room columns.

Remember, in today’s politically correct society there are no computer illiterates only computer uninformed.
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