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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/943245-Rant-about-Spidey
Rated: E · Essay · Personal · #943245
This is a comical rant about my sister, for the "Truth or Dare" contest.
Oh boy, where do I begin??
#1. She doesn't have a car! She doesn't even have her license! Come on, what 25 year old woman doesn't even have her license? So you know what that means: I have to cart her butt all over the place. And she's always calling for a ride, too. "I have to go to the grocery store" is what I usually hear on a Friday afternoon. Sometimes I don't even want to pick up the phone when I look at that caller id and see her number.

#2. She doesn't have a job! That makes me more jealous than mad. She just sits at home all day, playing on the internet. Meanwhile, her husband has to work his butt off all day (well, technically he works all night, because he works 3rd shift). So then she has no money when I have to take her grocery shopping, so I have to hear her complain about that.

#3. She invites me over for supper, but she only makes healthy food! Low-sodium this, and low-fat that...yuck! And she makes me cook when I come over! That's not fair! I always end up working when I go to her house.

#4. She's a caffeine-aholic! She has to drink coffee and coke all day! So she has two basic moods: hyper and miserable. You don't want to see miserable!

#5. She is obsessed with this band the Killers! I mean, they are a great band, but I'm tired of hearing about it already! She tried to convince me to drive to Chicago to go to a Killers show. It's a 12 hour drive!! And she's so obsessed with the lead singer, she's like a 13 year-old with a crush. If she starts wearing pink, I might have to disown her. She e-mails pictures of him to me all day..when I'm at work! How inappropriate!

#6. The punk rock thing is getting so old by now... I mean, wasn't punk cool about 10 years ago? Except for the pop-punk thing, which is so "teenager" (see above - if she starts wearing pink...). Her taste in clothing (and fashion in general) is so childish. I've never seen a girl with such a huge collection of t-shirts. And most of them are from video games and cartoons!

Speaking of punk rock, her taste in music is appalling! Who ever heard of bands called Protein, The Dead Milkmen and Atom & His Package? It all sounds like distorted garbage to me! I don't know how she can listen to it. It must be her husband's influence...but don't even get me started on him!

#7. She spends way too much time on the internet! She talks to her "cyber boyfriend" all day online (and she's married!), and yet she won't talk to me! Oh yeah, she thinks I don't know...I can tell when she's online but she won't sign in to Instant Messenger so I can talk to her. She's avoiding me! Sure, I'm good enough when she needs a ride to the grocery store, or to the nearest Barnes & Noble (50 miles!) to get the new NME Magazine. But when she's online, suddenly I don't matter that much anymore.

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