Mirror

A poem of forgiveness for the pain we experience in our own stubborn unforgiveness.

I made you a promise
A long time ago
That I would stay with you
Even if I needed to grow.
But I broke that promise,
Just like every other promise I made to you.
I left
And instead of letting go
I was angry.
I was so… so angry with you
For something you
Never really did!

I put you in prison for 3 years
But you were never really in it at all
I sat in there
And stared at a mirror
Where I had taken expo markers and drawn all over my own face
So when I stood in the mirror, it looked
Just like you.
And I would stare into that mirror for hours
And I would yell, and I would cry, and I would scold
But it never hurt you because you weren’t there
Just me.
And I would wipe my snot and tears
And smudge my angry hands on that mirror till your image would smudge, and it would smear, and I could
Almost
See myself.

Then, there He was, wiping my mirror with a rag soaked in forgiveness.
He grabbed my hand, and we washed it off together
And there I was, I finally saw myself clearly again.
And how painful it was to see that the girl behind those angry smears,
the snot and the tears
Had never gotten the chance to move on.
You had, but I was so angry
Just to cover the fact that I still loved you.
I am still in love with you.
And I made so many promises I didn’t keep
I am so sorry.