My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Wow, I really enjoyed your poem.
It's inspirational and holds a big message and reminder for us all.
I think you show this condemning and forgiveness all very well.
Your poem is full of emotions that you share and evoke in your readers
I like the ending and how you show her hearing the stones drop back to the ground.
Thanks for sharing.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
I enjoyed this look into your childhood.
Great ending.
Your descriptions are really good throughout.
These really stuck out for me, the details that you include are great.
'We just needed to traverse a few jutting, slimy rocks, swing around a mangled metal gate protruding from the wall, and hoist ourselves up on the ledge of the dam wall.'
Suggestions/Errors:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
I like your title and the contradiction it is.
You show these contradictions well with the examples that you give.
Suggestions/Errors:
I think I would change the career genre and have relationship or emotional..they are more appropriate for your poem.
Your stanzas/wording seems awkward.
example
In stanza one it would read better and clearer if you had the last line as the first line. And maybe just cut the 4th line.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Great poem/tribute.
I am drinking mine now!
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Your rhymes are good and this flows/reads very well.
I like that this is so positive and has such a steady upbeat pace~~kind of like what the caffeine does for one!
my favorite lines:
'It’s steamy and fragrant
A joy to the nose
No morning’s complete
Without two cup o’ Joes.'
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Love the title.
Your rating and genres are good.
I loved reading about and getting to know your little boy.
He sounds adorable!
Your love and pride for your son comes through in every word you have written.
Very cute story about his dad, poor man will never live that one down!
Thanks for the read.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Thanks for sharing this.
Great perspective you capture from a patient's p.o.v about their time spent in a nursing home.
I think many patients really feel just like this.
I can't speak for all nurses but as a nurse who worked in Nursing Facilities for 10 plus years I think you capture the patients and the nurses well.
I tried that 'I'm not going to get close to any of them because they are mostly here to die attitude' but I couldn't. I couldn't NOT get close to my patients and I still remember my first 'favorite' patient!
Overall Impressions:
Congrats on the ribbon, it is well deserved.
This is a great read.
I usually don't read horror things.
I will watch horror movies every once in a while.
I really enjoyed your story.
It was a unique story-line, I liked both your main characters and it was intense in places.
What a night visitor! I guess if any ghost decided to visit me, it would be nice if he was like this one!! lol
Your story flows well and I wasn't left with any questions.
Thanks for the cool read!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
You tell this in a very straightforward way and it's even dramatic in
a few areas.
Which is very effective in getting your point across.
Your message is clear.
You are right we do overlook things in this and in many lessons.
I like the way you have these 2 lines.
'No.
He died.'
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
Great poem.
It made my eyes tear up.
I don't know any autistic children personally but my best-friend's daughter has cerebral palsy. And one of my patients has spina-bifida and this poem could fit them and their families' love.
And yes you capture this all very well.
From the not knowing what they know~ to the loving them.
Thanks for sharing your poem.
If it's ok I would like to send my friend a copy of this.
ttyl,
Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Great poem.
I like your thoughts/comparisons on roses and aging.
You make them fit very nicely.
You capture a rose and nature well.
I like the part about truth...and if only it was that easy to bring it back!!
I like the last stanza on memories the best.
Your rating, title and genres are all appropriate.
Thanks for sharing.
Overall Impressions:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Another tasteful read.
Your characters are believable, and I think I remember them from something else of yours I read.
Suggestions:
You might want to put the beginning of this/the dream she has in italics, it would be less confusing when she wakes up..I had to re-read the beginning.
Rathe stifled his sudden wave of jealously, and smiled at his wife as she
typo- jealousy
My Overall impression:
Your title fits well.
Your rating is good.
I enjoyed the suspense your story has in it.
I like the way you show the character spending her day.
When tragedy happens it always makes what one was doing seem senseless..
Suggestions/Errors:
You leave the reader hanging with the way you end this.
You leave the tragedy up to your reader, which is okay but I was left with questions. Maybe add a little hint on what happens to the Dad.
You could add one more genre; they help to get your items more exposure.
You have a lot of short sentences, I'd work on combining some of these which will help smooth the read of your story.
In para two you repeat yourself saying you are standing in the kitchen/ you have already established that in para one.
para two, sentence two;
Piles of plates and bowl, coffee mugs and beer glasses, and a mountain of flatware
try;
Piles of plates, bowls, coffee mugs, beer glasses and a mountain of flatware
an accomplishment in and of itself.
try
an accomplishment in itself.
on with out evoking tears
try;
on without evoking tears
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Unique title.
Your rating and genres are appropriate..
I like and agree with your thoughts.
You use a creative comparison on clouds/men, and it works well.
Your rhymes work well and the flow of this is smooth.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I think a little expansion on your thoughts and a little more comparisons/descriptions would really enhance your poem.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Great title.
Your rating and genres are good.
Your poem is very romantic.
I like your ending thoughts on love/sunshine.
I really like the read/flow of your first two stanzas.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Line 3 in stanza 3 is a little awkward.
You could try using becoming a man instead of and became a man...or something else there to smooth the read.
My Overall impression:
I enjoyed your story.
I could really picture this little boy out fishing on the pier.
You tell this well, I wasn't left with any questions.
I like the part where you compare his skills to poetry~very creative.
Suggestions/Errors:
Change the static item from other to short story.
You have a lot of short short sentences, I'd work on combining some of these.
It will smooth the read of your story.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Your poem ends being very positive and inspirational.
I like your thoughts that you do share with us.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
You never share what the burden was.
You never really share any specific feelings.
Your poem does not evoke any emotion from the reader.
Maybe personalize this a little, share more of the burden and more on how it made you feel before having the great ending.
Keep writing. Always, Tammy
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/tm_lvn_nurse/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/16
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.53 seconds at 8:54am on May 20, 2024 via server web2.