Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS Your rating, title and genres are good.
Your emotions come through very strong in this.
I felt the bitterness and weariness of one who has been hurt before.
I think many who have been hurt by another will easily identify with these words.
I like this stanza the best:
'Grace is a uniform
you wear only too well,
but on the hypocrisy of that
I'm too tired to dwell'
Very polite way to say that!
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS Very cool title.
Your stanza one is strong and should make the reader want to read more.
I like the contrast of the colors of that stanza.
The white vs the red blood (that your words show the reader)!
SUGGESTIONS Add some genres to your item, they help it get exposure.
sarcasm swells swooning hearts for sickening
songs of sadistic singers
I stumbled over this a little..it's a little like a tongue twister.
You kind of have this in the ending of the other stanzas but this one I feel was a little much!
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS
I enjoyed your poem.
Your words are sad to begin with but the ending is inspirational.
Since I live a thousand miles from my family, (what's left) this really touched me.
It made me think of past Thanksgiving..gravey and all!
My family has dwindled down much like your poem indicates.
Thanks for sharing such honest and inspirational writing with us.
My favorite lines and a great reminder!
Yet blessings abound that we need to recognize
and not question God on the 'hows' or the 'whys'.
(This just makes me more determined to instill traditions in my 2 kids.)
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
I like the ending.
Your last two stanzas are really strong.
You keep the last two lines simply but they are very effective at capturing the picture you leave your readers with.
suggestions:
You might add a brief author's note at the bottom of this.
I wasn't familiar with a few of your words and had to look some of them up.
(koeksister, naartjies)
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating , title and genres are all good.
Great dream, one many of us have!!
I actually have made Friday my cleaning day so that I do not have to do it on the weekend!
: )
You set the dream up well by showing others doing the mundane chores.
Your poem reads/flows well.
You present it well with the centering and the spacing.
My Overall impression:
Wow, drastic measures.
The sheath going in is vivid!
You show her emotions well in this.
I like these lines;
'A tear on a cheek blushing rose petals and fire,'
&
'The distant feel of his hand burned in her flesh,
She can never be rid of his tormenting caress'
Suggestions/Errors:
Eyes burned out long ago, And with it took her desire.
I wouldn't have and capitalized here.
Add some genres to your item.
death, tragedy, romance/love or drama
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Your first para is strong and makes your reader want to know more.
Love your descriptions...throughout you have vivid and unique descriptions.
I like the boot-sucking-off mud one in para one!
I don't have any family in the war nor have I ever been in the military...and for me you really personalize this character and show me what one feels, hears and sees that is over there.
Wow, what a situation to be in, your ending gave me goose-bumps.
Thanks for the pleasurable read.
Suggestions/Errors:
He hadn’t even seen his daughter who would two months old next week
add be after would.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your title and genres are good.
You really share a part of yourself with your readers.
This starts out honest and full of emotions and shows a very positive ending.
This was probably hard to share, but writing can really be an emotional release too.
Suggestions/Errors:
I think this reads like a prose so I'd change the Other and put this static item as a prose.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I like the title and it fits well.
Your rating and genres are good.
I like how you combine nature with love in your poem.
The font and size looks good and makes for easy reading.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
a couple of minor thing
In stanza five I don't think you need the first period. I think that is sentence fragment with the first three lines.
I know you are near,
but it seems so far away.
I think I would cut the it here.
maybe
I know you are near,
but seem so far away.
My Overall impression:
Your title and rating are good.
WOW, you capture our world well.
Unfortunately all of this is happening every day, every second...
Even though this is harsh, it's all very accurate and true.
You ask some very significant questions at the end.
My favorite lines:
'Rage boils over, another lover is battered,
But the selfish proceed as if none of it mattered'
Thanks for sharing this powerful read with us.
Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres, they help your item to get exposure.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
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