Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Great ending.
Your title, rating and genres are good.
I love the way you did this poem with the writing ML, it really adds to the dramatic effect!
Your words are intense and your ending is a great execution of your point that you want to get across!
Which you accomplish very well.
My favorite part:
'I've heard your super-saturated crap
and felt each saccharin syllable sting.'
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Your poem ends being very positive and inspirational.
I like your thoughts that you do share with us.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
You never share what the burden was.
You never really share any specific feelings.
Your poem does not evoke any emotion from the reader.
Maybe personalize this a little, share more of the burden and more on how it made you feel before having the great ending.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Your title, rating and genres are good.
I think you words apply to many people and we do seem to get in this rut- thing, and it feels as if we are waiting for someone to come and change our lives.
I like the meaning behind your story.
Your ending is really good.
I like your ending because it feels more personal instead of the rest of your story which is on an inanimate object.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Oh, what a great morning.
Love the title you picked for this.
Your imagery is really good throughout.
You touch on your reader's senses with these sights and sounds.
I love the busy nature morning that you show us.
You capture the true meaning of fishing; just relaxing not really worried about the fish.
I do like how you end this, you also captures a writer very well!
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Add some genres to your poem, they will help it get exposure.
In line 10, you do do not need the space between to & day.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Good question at the end, makes one wonder.
I like your ending and your thoughts on nature.
Your rating, title and genres are good.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I think that the repetition you use with the lines are okay, but I don't think the repetition of the filler words work very well in here. Work on cutting your repetition of the, and & but.
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I enjoyed your perspective on how one may look at life.
You show some great parallels in here with the camera and your message.
I like your stanza four the best.
You make some really good statements/points in it.
I think you get your message over well, your ending does this very strongly.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
I like your story line.
You characters are likable.
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Your ending is good.
Suggestions/Errors:
Watch your repetition of words and of repeating yourself.
You use Jim 4 times in para 1.
In para 2 you say twice that he talks to his dog.
You have a lot of very short sentences; work on combining some of these.
It will help make the read smoother.
out-side
outside
I would work on the newspaper entry, it doesn't really sound like something one would read in the parer...maybe change that a little.
I think if you work on this and clean it up you will have a great story.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Very creative story, thanks for the read.
I like your overall message in this and the way you use to tell your message.
Your title fits very well.
I like your descriptions throughout, especially the sleepy bulldog one.
Suggestions/Errors:
I would make this item Story and add some genres, they will both help to get your item exposure.
"For the sake of this conversation, you can just call me God," who, for the sake of this conversation, we shall call God. "Get in."
(This is confusing, did you leave out said or ?)
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
I think we all have our muses!
I like how you tell your story, you keep the reader's attention well.
Your descriptions are great throughout, from the winter surroundings to the couch.
I really like how you take the time to briefly describe it all for your readers.
I love the way you end this.
Great story, I really enjoyed reading this.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your rating and title are good.
Oh the mazes that we have in our life.
You capture them well.
Your rhymes work well and the read is steady throughout.
Suggestions/Errors:
You could add another genre, maybe psychology, self-help or personal.
Your words could fit for any person, any maze.
Maybe enhance this, make it more personal with some specific things you have suffered through...which would also evoke more emotions in your poem.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Shape poetry- you do it well.
You capture the tree very well. Looks good!
I especially like all the different colors/shades you use at the end.
You capture the tree with the visual, your words and imagery.
I like your ending lines on the man being the one to spark their fall.
my favorite lines:
'gently rocking
with invisible forces'
suggestions:
Rain and hail, sleet and snow --
I'd cut the first and in this line.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title and rating are good.
I like the presentation of your poem. Is this a form?
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Add some genres to this, they help to get your poem exposure.
You might want to clarify this a little..without your intro I wouldn't know you was talking about your brain and emotions.
Maybe try adding that into the poem.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Great poem.
Your rating, title and genres are good.
This is very emotional as you share the great memories that you hold so close to you.
Sorry for your loss.
Your poem shows your emotions and love for your dad very well.
I like the little details that you include that shows the relationship that you had with your dad.
My Overall impression:
Your rating and title are good.
Most here will identify with these thoughts and feelings.
I have written down feelings on napkins and everything else!
my favorite lines:
'Write them quick, the words won’t keep
Now my head’s at peace again'
Suggestions/Errors:
add some genres
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Hi there,
Your title,rating and genres are good.
Your first stanza effectively sets your mood for the reader.
I like your repetition of the title, it makes for a dramatic read.
This is my favorite line and we all need to remember this but it is hard when one is suffering.
'What is now will not always be'
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
only one and it's just my preference
I don't like the .... that you have throughout/ I think it's distracting in a poem for the readers.
Overall Impressions:
Your title, rating and genres are good.
You share with us thoughts on your friendship and how much your friend means to you. I think we all need that ONE special friend that knows us inside and out and stays beside us no matter what.
Suggestions:
It kill me
add would after it
I'd like to know more about this person you are talking on.
Maybe add some personal things that makes them such a great friend!
5 reviews...thank salliemoffitt for the reviews/Awardicon.
I've really enjoyed your port.
Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
My Overall impression:
aww, this is great!
I didn't know where you were going with this but the ending is so sweet.
And I feel the same about my 2 kids.
Anyone with kids will identify with this short, powerful read.
Your rating, genres and title are good.
I like how you show yourself growing up with batman and superman.
Suggestions/Errors:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/tm_lvn_nurse/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/17
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.59 seconds at 7:14pm on Jun 01, 2024 via server web1.