*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/tm_lvn_nurse/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
Review Requests: OFF
2,653 Public Reviews Given
4,011 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 11 12 13 ... Next
176
176
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Very sad/tragic story you share with us.
It makes one think of their own life and is a reminder that we shouldn't take things for granted.

Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Great first line.

Your descriptions are good throughout.
I like the details that you include on our surroundings...like the curtains of the other shop.

Your story is very well-told and I didn't see any typos or errors.
You hold the readers attention throughout.

Suggestions/Errors:
Check your spacing in para three.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy

177
177
Review of Street Retreat  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX   (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~


My Overall impression:
Great story you share with your readers.
Sounds like a very humbling experience.

Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.

Suggestions/Errors:
Watch your tenses.
You have past and present together in a few spots.

neighbor hoods
no space

the other would have rundown houses with many bicycles in one driveway
try
others had rundown houses with many bicycles in one driveway

had fled his hometown and made his way Toronto via the vehicles of complete
You need to after way.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


178
178
Review of Blind Man's Heart  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*Thanks for entering your poem in
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.


*Star* OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title and rating are appropriate.
Your poem tells a story.
A little twist to the blind man story.
I like how you use the pool and the song in his heart.

Your poem flows/reads well.
Your rhymes are good and help with the pace of your poem.

*Star* MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Add some genres they help your items get exposure.
Religous, inspirational, emotional would all work.

*Star*Keep writing.
Tammy

179
179
Review of Moving Target  
Rated: E | (4.5)
IMPRESSIONS:
Your rating and genres are good.
Your title is creative and fits well.
I wasn't sure where you were going with this but the ending sums it all up well.

I think we have all ran from things, so your readers will easily identify with these thoughts/feelings.

I like that you touch on your readers senses with the colors, the sounds and the feels.

Keep writing, Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


180
180
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*Thanks for entering
Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
and good luck.

*Star*Overall Impressions:
Great poem on your life.
I love the way you use the three little words for every stage of your life.
Very creative way to show your readers about your life.
Thanks for sharing.

Sorry for your loss.
But what a life it seems you two had.

your title is good.
Your rating and genres are appropriate.

*Star*Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
181
181
Rated: E | (5.0)
IMPRESSIONS:
I am kind of skipping around and looking through your novel.
I really think you are brave to share all this with us.

As I nurse, I am glad you shared a positive experience with your nurse ....I don't ever understand why a doctor can't have good bedside manners and take the time to tell their patients everything.

I must say this is a bittersweet read..I lost my Mom to cancer in 2004 and this brings back memories.

Suggestions:
I did not notice any typos.

Keep writing, Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


182
182
Review of YOUR SILHOUETTE  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star*Thanks for entering
Rising Stars Shining Brighter  (E)
Contest for existing Rising Stars...Monthly award of "Shining Star" status.
#1215871 by Tornado Day
and good luck.

*Star*Overall Impressions:
I like the presentation, the color and use of writingml for your poem that you have.

Very romantic poem.
Your feelings and honesty comes through with each line.

My favorite lines:
'A vision my eyes can not erase
A dream my heart will forever chase'

*Star*Suggestions
You start this with a link to another users name...is this dedicated to them??

For you my heart hold so much
I'd change that to;
For you my heart holds so much

In line 19 you do not need the space between some and how.

The thoughts of you get me through each day
Cut the.


*Star*Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
183
183
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.

I like the way you have the last line of each stanza.
Your thoughts on nature/life are good.

I like this part the best:
'And Two destined souls depart without a Kiss -
Into the absolute Darkness'

Suggestions/Errors:
Watch your use of filler words.
Especially the & and.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


184
184
Review of The Victors  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I like that you put this in bold and adds to the mood of the poem.

Very strong poem on war.
Your poem flows well and your rhymes work good together.

You show both sides that a victor in a war must feel.

My favorite line:
'Over and over they'll hear them again,
crys for mercy not drowned by the wind'
(These lines really help in making your point.)

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
185
185
Review of Psalm 18:1  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are all good.

Great 1st line, it makes the reader want to find out more on what you loss and lead you back.

Great story, thanks for sharing.

Suggestions/Errors:
Para one, last line, I'd put a comma after God.

para two typo
rumaging
rummaging

para 7
"go ahead margie, have faith that God
Capitalize Margie.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


186
186
Review of Voiceless  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading* Overall Impressions:
Your title fits well.
Your rating is appropriate.

Very creative story.
I like the comparison you use with the popcorn.

I also like the descriptions that you use to describe her surroundings on
her way to the store.

*Idea* Suggestions:
Add some genres, they help your items get exposure.
fantasy, drama, horror/scary would work

Keep writing,
Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
187
187
Review of Fleeting  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading* Overall Impressions:
Your title, rating and genres are good.

Great description of the house!

Your main character is very likable.

*Idea* Suggestions:
If he likes it, that’s fine. It’s his choice.”
You need starting quotation marks in front of if.

The transition at the end where she realizes she is in the trailer is a little subtle..I had to re-read the end to get what happened.
Maybe you could have the beginning of the story in italics(the dreaming part)...or something to help with the transition more.

Keep writing,
Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
188
188
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
You show the mundane work office well.
You use some great words to get your message across.

Suggestions/Errors:
I would put a title to this.

Instead of other, I'd make the static item short story.

para one
Schlick schlick schlick
try
Schlick, schlick, schlick
(same in para four)

para two
pasty skinned, Jiggly middle
try
pasty skinned, jiggly middle

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
189
189
Review of How to forget?  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Sorry for your loss.
Great tribute to your son.

I know that time doesn't always heal as they say..

Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.

Suggestions/Errors:
Well, Let me say having another one!
Just kept me from going insane.
try
Well, let me say having another one
Just kept me from going insane!

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
190
190
Review of The Best I Can Do  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX   (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~


My Overall impression:
Your title and rating are appropriate.

Your descriptions are good.
The imagery is good, I could easily picture a woman with hurt and pain.

great line:
'Beads of red under translucent white'

Suggestions/Errors:
I want to know why....??

Add some genres to your item, they will get you more exposure.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


191
191
Review of Blue Eyes  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Your title and rating are appropriate.

This feels like a prose with a little poetry in it.

I like your descriptions at the beginning.

Suggestions/Errors:
This leaves the reader wanting to know more....I think you should expand and set this up more.
Briefly show the couple, the love, the death and what leads to the strong words/ending you have.

I'd change the static item from other to Prose.

I' add a couple more genres.
maybe death, personal or love/romance

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
192
192
Review of Grace  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Your title and rating are appropriate.

Very nice first sonnet.
You do it well.

Suggestions/Errors:
add some genres

I'd change the beginning of a couple of the lines to avoid the repetition of and.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
193
193
Review of The Greatest Gift  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX   (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~


My Overall impression:
Your title is good and the rating is appropriate.

Your beginning is strong and makes the reader want to continue reading..

Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres, they will help your item get exposure.
any of these would work:
fantasy, love/romance, philosophy, death

Maybe set this up a bit more on who and what the girl has lost.
This would show more why she would wish for what she did..

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


194
194
Review of Inside My Bag  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* Overall Impressions:
Your rating, title and genres are good.

Very honest writing here about yourself.
I did something like this for a group thing and I know that it was really hard to do.

*Idea* Suggestions:
Neither my family does
This line in para one is a little confusing.
try;
Even better than my family knows me ...or combine it with the sentence before.


*Star* Keep writing,
Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
195
195
Review of Caged  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Reading* Overall Impressions:
Your rating and title are good.
I love butterflies and the freedom that they represent.

Your poem captures being caged well.

*Idea* Suggestions:
You have two lines with ?, but no other punctuation..I'd remove the ? or add more punctuation where needed.

Add some genres, they help your items get exposure.

You might include a brief explanation of the form.

*Star* Keep writing,
Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
196
196
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX   (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~


My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are all appropriate.
I like your intro for this, it really made me want to find out more about you.

I think most will identify with your feelings here...we all have something that we hide within or hide from.
We all wear some kind of mask.

I like how you use the two side of the river to show the two yous.
Very creative way to do this.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
197
197
Review of Just For Today  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX   (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~


My Overall impression:
Great title and I like how you start each stanza with it!

Isn't this every woman's wish!!?!

Great ending~~I love it.

Suggestions/Errors:
Instead of having other as your static item, you should have poetry.
You could add one more genre, personal or women's would work well.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
198
198
Review of Heaven's Daughter  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX

My Overall impression:
Great title and the rating is appropriate.

Very pretty poem.
I love this line:
'Tears like diamonds dripping, dropping.'

Your poem flows well and the rhymes work good together.

Suggestions/Errors:
You could add one more genre, nature would be good.
They help your item get exposure.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
199
199
Review of Dont wake me  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX   (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~


My Overall impression:
Great first poem!!
Hope it's not your last.

Your poem is full of emotions and feelings.
Very romantic poem!
I like your ending stanza with the whispers of love!

Suggestions/Errors:
You have a comma or period after every line..I don't think you need them all and removing them would help the overall flow of the poem.
ex
Feelings wash over me,
I cannot describe.
I close my eyes,
I fall deep inside.
try
Feelings wash over me
I cannot describe.
Closing my eyes
I fall deep inside.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
200
200
Review of The Journey  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Flower1* Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies.
THE DROP-OFF BOX   (13+)
Monthly newbie contest.
#530577 by Tammy~Catchin Up~


My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.

Very sad, but powerful and hopeful read.
Your suffering and fear comes through strong.
Your strength is tangible!

Very honest writing.
Thanks for sharing.

Suggestions/Errors:
Have you thought of expanding on this..maybe short novel or inspirational bio?
Sounds like a story worth telling.

*Flower1* Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy


1,060 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 43 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/tm_lvn_nurse/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8