Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I like the comparison you are making on life and a seed.
It works well.
Your poem shows the growth of a seed well.
I like that you give the seed human characteristics..the yawning and stretching!
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Add some genres.
I would remove the period after Seed in your title.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
I love the title and the note you leave at the end!
Your rating and genres are good.
Great image at the end.
Your story is sweet, romantic but heartbreaking.
I think most will easily feel the emotions that this story brings up.
Who hasn't been dumped or broken up with someone?
I like that this is all told through his p.o.v. and that he has regrets.
You show the couple well.
Your story flows well and I didn't see any typos or errors.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I agree with your thoughts and feelings in this.
But I am guilty of not stepping outside the circle.
(I like my circle!)
My favorite lines:
Inside the sea of eternal beginnings
Trust in yourself and your perceptions
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Circles of our senses,knowledge,thought
Space after your commas.
IMPRESSIONS:
Your first sentence is good and I agree with it.
My best-friend's daughter has CP but hers is a lot worse.
She will never know the things you have experienced; the verbal and physical abuse, blatant ignorance or discrimination.
I think there is so much ignorance in this world when it comes to these types of things.
I think it is great that you have expanded your experiences and knowledge and shared it with the public.
The more awareness, the better.
Suggestions:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Keep writing, Tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Overall Impressions:
I really like the read and pace of this poem.
I like how you show just hearing a voice being enough to lift your heart and make the worry and pain disappear!!
You rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Suggestions:
Only small ones!
I think I'd put a period at the end of line two.
In line four try it without which.
Read it aloud both ways and I think without does sound better.
Have a great day.
hugs, Tammy
review # 5
Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS;
Your rating and title are appropriate.
Your poem is short but very powerful.
You have picked just the right words to say what you want to express to your readers.
This is like the pursuit and the surrender all in one breath.
SUGGESTIONS;
Add some genres.
personal, love, melodrama or relationship
I'm not familiar with this form, you might briefly describe this form for your readers.
review # 4
KEEP WRITING,
TAMMY
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Your title and rating are appropriate.
I like this stanza and how your poem turns positive at the end.
'I am just an ordinary woman
living life the best that I can
I wasn't looking for someone
but then I found you, my man'
SUGGESTIONS:
Add some genres.
A few stanza in this, I don't think you need.
The one on turning to your sister and the the next one after it regarding her text-messaging.
You have already established how important your family is in the above stanzas.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Very pretty title.
I like your thoughts and feelings on hope and life.
These are my favorite lines:
'Those are the moments I’m searching, the times I chase. These moments shine bright in my memories, when I know the way – my way.
SUGGESTIONS:
In your first line I'd spell out the numbers and you need a period after people.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS Your rating, title and genres are good.
You set the emotion for this well.
Your feelings come out very strong.
I hate that someone makes you feel this way.
I hope one day you will share this with the person that makes you feel like this.
SUGGESTIONS You first four lines start off well and then your lines become really long. From line five and on, I think you should work on making those two lines each. Just for the pattern and flow of your poem.
You have a couple of ?, but no other punctuation.
I'd remove those or add more punctuation.
I think a poem should have one or the other.
Overall Impressions:
"This is a reciprocal review on behalf of writetight, whom you were so kind as to have reviewed recently, and is in connection with "Invalid Item" ."
I like your title you choice for this.
I think we all have bouts of depression every once in a while.
So your readers should identify with this.
Your rhymes work well and your punctuation is good throughout for the pauses and flow of your poem.
Suggestions:
Add some genres.
Your intro mentions that this was written in depression, the last two lines are
the only ones that really reveal that.
Maybe you should expand on this and include more on how it makes you feel.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
You show your friendship well.
It really sounds like you had a great friendship at one time.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
You have punctuation in a few areas but it's not consistent, I'd go through and add punctuation where needed.
You never really say what is breaking the relationship up or ending this friendship.
Maybe expand and set this up a bit more.
You might also add a little on how you will feel about it being over.
My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
I like your words and the emotions that your song evokes.
My favorite lines:
'What would it be like to feel your heart keeping time in my life, what would it be like to feel the warmth and sleep safely through the night'
Suggestions/Errors:
Watch your repetition of words throughout.
I'd work on breaking this up some.
Read/sing your song aloud and put it like you want it to be heard.
ex
What would it be like to feel those words, once more in my life, it's what I felt not what I heard thats got me holding on so tight, it's what I felt that kept me warm, as your vision gave me life, now I'm longing for those nights, I'm longing for those nights.
Now I am holding my breath and my memory swirls, in the safety of those nights, from your love my shadow was born and ran straight into your light, through your love my reflection took form and I slept safely through the night, now I'm longing for those nights, I'm longing for those nights.
try:
verse 1
What would it be like to feel those words once more in my life?
It's what I felt thats got me holding on so tight,
what I felt that kept me warm, your vision gave me life,
chorus:
now I'm longing for those nights,
I'm longing for those nights...
verse2
I'm holding my breath and my memory swirls in the safety of those nights,
from your love my shadow was born and ran straight into your light.
Through your love my reflection took form and I slept safely through the night.
chorus:
now I'm longing for those nights,
I'm longing for those nights...
Something like this, just break it up some.
last part:
what would it be like to fel the warmth and sleep safely
feel
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Very bittersweet poem.
It reminds me of my parents and my thoughts/feelings on them.
I think all your readers will identify with your poem and apply it to someone whom they have lost.
I like your title and how you use it in the poem.
Your rating and genres are good.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
This line stuck out to me a little:
Whispering wishes is all that’s left to me.
maybe change to~to for
Whispering wishes is all that’s left for me.
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Your rhyming pattern is neat and works well.
Very creative the way you use the title and set your stanzas up..that's really neat!
Very pretty poem you have here.
Your thoughts and feelings come through strong in this.
It holds a big reminder for your readers.
I like your ending, the last three lines are so true!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.48 seconds at 11:06pm on May 09, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
