My Overall impression:
What a great tribute to friendship.
I think all who reads this will think of the special people in their life.
I like the title and how you use it to show the friendship and the sharing.
I like the ending, it really ties it all up.
I like stanza five and that it's just one line~it gets your point/feelings across well.
Thanks for sharing.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your title fits well, and your rating is good.
Unique subject to write on.
My favorite lines:
'But now walks
on feet borrowed
from the dead'
Suggestions/Errors:
You could add two more genres.
death, tribute, or horror/scary
as the deformity
under the sheet-
Is this supposed to be at?
at the deformity
under the sheet-
You have a few punctuation, I think you should go back through and add punctuation where needed.
ex
"We will absolve
ourselves of this"
looking to the assistant
"throw the switch"
try
"We will absolve
ourselves of this,"
looking at the assistant
"throw the switch."
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your title is good and fits well.
Your rating is appropriate.
You capture a part of Halloween well.
I could see these witches whirling around.
Suggestions/Errors:
You could add one more genre.
fantasy, horror/scary or maybe gothic
A few small things that should help with the flow/read of this.
Beneath Her gaze, their voices they raise
In an otherworldly tune.
try
Beneath Her gaze, their voices raise
In an otherworldly tune.
As they whirl and spin, they breathe spells to the wind
try
As they whirl and spin, breathing spells to the wind
or
As they whirl and spin, whispering spells to the wind
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Very dramatic read.
I love the way you begin and end this with the dying part.
You make some unique comparisons throughout.
(I like the world~~to an ice field!)
This is a great line:
'She swung freely and I tried to be the frame that she was hinged upon.'
Suggestions/Errors:
Maybe just expand a little at the beginning regarding your relationship.
I just think the reader needs a little more on the type of relationship it is and the way it becomes...before it leads to this dramatic act.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your rating and title are appropriate.
I like the message this holds.
Your characters are likable.
Suggestions/Errors:
Your genre of gay/lesbian doesn't seem to fit with this story.
Maybe family instead.
I think your story leaves questions, maybe clarify this and set it up a little more. Especially his sickness, I think that would justify his finding his self and his blessing a little more.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your rating and genres are good.
Your poem shows a woman who stands up for herself but has become a
little hard.
I like that you show the world and her opinion of herself.
Suggestions/Errors:
I'd suggest a more creative title, one that will draw your readers in.
suggestions from your poem:
Strong Hearted
Strong in Battle
Voiceless
Watch your repetition of things.
ex:
But the strong aren't so strong
when they're fighting alone
try
But one isn't strong
when they're fighting alone
ex;
Just one voice within the crowd,
one against them all.
try;
Just a voice in the crowd,
one against them all.
ex;
One voice forever silenced,
and in the silence, she cannot speak.
try;
One voice forever silenced,
I'd suggest a new line here.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
I like the lifespan events that you show the reader.
My favorite lines:
'I cried myself a thousand tears, and sent them flying through the years,
Until my soul was all washed clear, and nothing else was left to fear'
Suggestions/Errors:
Spell out 17 in line one, and your other numbers throughout.
Throughout you have words capitalized that do not need to be..
ex
I met a Girl aged 17, She hid behind a
try
I met a girl aged seventeen, she hid behind a
Watch your use of punctuation, overusing it can make for a choppy read.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
Your story starts off full of adventure.
Your ending is good and effective for making the reader want to read and know more about your character and his situation.
Suggestions/Errors:
You have a lot of short sentences.
I'd work on combining them which would improve the overall read.
Watch your repetition.
You repeat how fast the car is going in stanza one, you repeat how long the exit is in para two...I'd clean those two paras up a bit.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Great poem.
Your ending gave me chill bumps.
I could feel the man's hurt and pain.
Your poem flows very well as you tell your story.
Your imagery of the one brother falling is really good.
It makes for a strong impact on your readers.
Your readers will think of a loved one when these words are read.
My favorite lines are the last two lines.
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Awesome birthday gift.
WoW~~100!!
You show her years well, I like the corner stones that you include in this to compare to her years.
my favorite part:
'When we look at your life, then who can deny
He has led every step you have trod.'
What a testimony!
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
You could add one more genre:
personal, relationship or experience
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Thank you for the read.
This brought tears to my eyes and gave me chill bumps.
Your ending is heart-breaking.
Any and all pet lovers will love this story and identify with these feelings.
Your storyline has a creative twist...makes one wonder if our technology will ever be this advanced!?
Suggestions/Errors:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Your story is very well-told. Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
My Overall impression:
I like your thoughts on your ex.
I like the boy you show the readers.
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Suggestions/Errors:
Watch your uses of tenses.
You go from present to past throughout.
You tell me, ‘I have always liked you and I like you now’.
try
You told me, ‘I have always liked you and I still do’.
Throughout your poem reads very awkward and confusing at times.
At that moment standing at the light, I told you,
try
At that moment standing in the light, I told you,
ex;
And you are not that boy who will not make me happy.
confusing
You are not the boy who will make me happy.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing, Tammy
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and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I like how you do the stanzas of four lines and then the two lines.
Your rhyme patter works well and your poem flows/reads well.
It's a creative form for your poem.
Your imagery is good throughout.
You show yourself weak, lost and sinning to begin with until your angel arrives.
We all have angels like this.
I hope you shared this with your wife.
Great lines:
Til’ golden light bled through a little more.
And the Devil, now he himself unsure.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I searched a hide
I stumbled over this part, it's a little confusing.
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