My Overall impression:
Great title.
Your rating and genres are appropriate.
I'm not sure if I agree with all of your thoughts or not...I think if the two people involved are mature and straight forward with their intentions then it's up to them what they 'call' their relationship.
But I do agree with safety, there is so much out there now that people really need to be smart and protect their self.
Suggestions/Errors:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
tammy
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
I loved it and got goose bumps at the end.
I did not notice any typos or errors.
suggestions:
The only thing I might do (if you aren't having to watch your word count) is fill in just a little more from the time you turned your life around to the phone call.
My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Very cute children's poem.
I think a child would love to have a poem like this read aloud to them.
I think it would keep their attention and make them laugh while teaching them about manners and rules.
The rhymes, the alliterations and the repetition of Wiggly Worm Sue all work really well together!
If I had a young child, this is definitely something I would pick to read for them.
favorite part:
'Hush and sleep now Wiggle Worm Sue
Tomorrow holds many surprises new.
I will sing you a lullaby and blow you a kiss
Once you’re asleep your sweet smile I will miss.'
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
tammy My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Your rating and title are good.
With dreams like this~we'd all get to sleep as soon as we could.
Love the descriptions you give~great imagery throughout!
Your poem flows well and your rhymes are good.
The ending is my favorite part:
'See sights unseen in waking life,
be hero, child, or fairy bright,
sail oceans wide and cross the sky,
and still be home by morning light.'
Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres, they will help your item get exposure.
Fantasy, nature and mythology would work.
in waters warm and crystal clear,
and gentle winds caress my cheeks.
try
in waters warm and crystal clear,
while gentle winds caress my cheeks.
Flows better and cuts the repetition of and in that stanza.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Regarding your note in the forum about being scared.
DON'T be~that is what WDC is all about~getting out in the community, posting your items~getting feedback, returning the favor and having fun!!
(You might get some negative feedback~learn from it and remember it is just an OPINION!)
I enjoyed your poem.
The title is good and fits well, your rating is good.
I like this part on someone touching your life:
'a merry sunbeam distributed her cheer,
and set my world a'right somehow.'
I like stanza five the best.
I think we are all guilty of taking things for granted and focusing on the bad.
Your thoughts/feelings here are a reminder for your readers to be thankful and count our blessings.
Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres, they help your items to get more exposure.
Personal, experience, philosophy or self help would all work.
I would go through and check my punctuation and capitalization.
In places it seems right and other places you don't have it or the beginning line isn't capitalized where needed.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
tammy
My Overall impression:
Your title is creative.
Your rating and genres are good.
Who hasn't had a romance like this.
You set it up well and your in ending is good.
my favorite part;
'Who could hurt more?
Me or you, it was all the same.'
Suggestions/Errors:
I think the flow is off in stanza three because of these two lines:
One day we're happy
And then a shadow covered our days
try
One day we're happy
Then shadows covered our days
In stanza five, line one I'd cut so, which would help with the flow/read there.
Be sure and read your poems aloud to see how they sound and flow.
I like your ending thought of this being a game but you might try this for more impact:
For you hurt me, I hurt you.
John's little game.
try;
For you hurt me-I hurt you
In John's little game.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
tammy
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Unique title.
Your rating and genres are good.
Very romantic poem.
favorite lines:
'to be imprinted on the inside…
of your eyelids and burned on your mind'
Suggestions/Errors:
For the most part, I think the punctuation you have is good and effective but I think I would work on the ending periods~add a few more.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
tammy
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Your poem flows/reads well.
Your rhymes work good together.
What a tragic love story this poem tells.
I like that you reflect at the end on being mature enough to see why this had to happen.
Your ending is so sweet how you show the love/him always being in your heart.
This has always happened and happens still...I was lucky and never had parents that did this to me. But as a parent of a thirteen year old.....I wonder if certain situation(s) occurred would I forbid her from seeing someone...
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck.
Creative topic.
Good title, it fits well.
Your rating and genres are good.
I like the last two lines the best
suggestions:
If murder fails me once I do it twice
And once even gave a groom and his bride.
A little confusing...
try
If murder fails me once I do it twice
And once even did a groom and his bride.
?
Thanks for entering your poem in{:962569} and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title fits well.
Your rating is good.
Very sweet poem, I got goose bumps when he talks of his empty house.
Your descriptions are good, I could see this tattered man riding his bike.
Your poem tells a story.
It also makes one think when you see a homeless (or tattered) person...don't assume anything about them..you don't know their story.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Why do you ride this way each day?
The black book always by your side
I think I'd switch the ? to the second line.
Overall Impressions:
Cute poll.
It's a creative one too.
: )
Yes I do have some keys faded.
And on the keyboard I had before this it was the same way!
And it seems like it is always my A and my M that fades first.
Suggestions:
Maybe add an image to spice up the poll forum!
Have a great weekend.
Keep writing!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating and genres are good.
I'm not sure I get the full meaning of this, so it is a little hard to review it.
So I will just let you know what parts I like and what I don't like.
I like this part the best and get it.
'Together we will grow in painful passion,
like lovers intertwined in disease and agony.
You are my pain; you are what makes me complete'
I also get the next to the last line about you being whatever they need but then the last line kind of loses me again.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
A little confusing on death of roses in stanza two and on the black love?
Does this mean you like making love in the dark or...? does this mean the two of you are not good together or shouldn't be together?
(If you want to clarify this for me, I can re-rate it if you want.)
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