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You have entered my blog. I take no responsibilty for your reaction. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** MY NEW CAR....WELL IF I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY ONE!!! Thanks Thea!!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I am thinking about starting up a faction. That's right, you know why? Well they are money magnets. Ever notice that? Every faction I know has the uncany ability to generate huge amounts of cash....and people just give it away freely! The political faction generates millions of dollors for the Candidates to shower the advertising industry with. They pay millions in hopes of a chance to be the nominee to run for President. Do you get the mental image? FOR A CHANCE TO BE NOMINATED!!!! Now the ultimate plus is the fact that if you get nominated and then get elected, you have these amazing powers and you get a huge quarter of a million dollar paycheck for the rest of your life. If it is Hillary then the two Clintons will pull in a cool half million a year not counting extras like book and guest apperances. Now that is only one faction......what about religion? Sure religion is one too....we give to the church, they use our money for whatever they want and they don't pay taxes on it. The Catholic church is rich beyond comprehension. What else can we think of? How about sports? Sure .... Everyone is talking about the patriots....yeah, I love watching them...think they will be superbowl champs. but they are a faction too!..Huge amounts of money flow right to the top and they just bask in the realms of a money bath....they have so much that they just buy things they will never need. What does it feel like to buy something you don't need just because you feel like it? Surely I will never know......unless I can find a way to start a Faction.......Hmmmn....what could it be? How do I get people to throw their money my way? |
| Why do I allow myself to be so surprised? I am a very good judge of character. I see through most people's fake images. So why does it affect me so when I realize I was right? Yeah, I knew all alone, I told many people and suddenly it is proven to me point blant right in front of my face and I am breathless......how can that be? I already knew..... What is it about human nature, do we just push back the obvious and hope for the best in people? I guess I do as I am now in a somewhat ugly spot. It doesn't matter to go into it because the details are meaningless....the point is that I allowed it to happen. What is it about me that let's things slide until I have no choice but to address it? Perhaps deep down I feel it will correct itself or some higher power will intervien and instantly make things all better. Like a little kiss on the forhead from your mom and she say's don't worry everything will be OK ...then you drift off to sleep thinking good thoughts. It seems that is never the story I live......mine is always to end up dealing with it....it never gets solved for me. So what does that mean to you folks? Well nothing as I have to solve the things on my own.....no super hero around to save the day. If only it could be like the movies....everything regresses to pure chaois and some super guy shows up, beats the villian and life is all better. Did you notice they never show life after? You know why? Because it is not better and not changed, it just rambles on waiting for the next disaster and you know what? So does the hero......because the hero is nothing without the disaster.....right? Of course in my case, I allow the disaster to form, then things go haywire, then I have to step in as the hero never shows up and I solve the problem....damn....sure am glad I am not president or something...he must have a brain in termoil constantly and at the same time, making life altering decitions for other people. Wow! And I complain about some little problem that doesn't affect anyone's life.....what a whinner I am huh? This is sure a crazy life....everbody's bad seem the worst to them until they realize the bad happenning in some others. There is always someone worse off than you......always..... So how does this help me? Naw, it doesn't......I will still have the same struggles and at the time I will not feel that is is trivial....even if it is! So why are we here and what is our purpose? Does anyone really know? Do you wonder some times if we are merely a game being played by some higher beings and our lives are actually controlled by the throw of the dice. In this board game, they throw people into termoil and laugh as we try to get out of these delemas...... Damn, I never get good throws.......I always get sent to jail after landing on park place and losing all my money to some snake's high rental price. Don't pass GO, don't collect $200.00!!! OK... I am done with that.....don't for one minute think that it changes anything.....just a little ranting...OK? SO....how is your day going? |
| I am not in the mood to blog today.........Do you ever have those kind of days? Not bad...not mad....not sad......just not....... Make sense? Well not to me, I hate the feeling of unrest.....like I should be doing something but no idea what it is. Reminds me of when I was a kid and sitting in my room waiting for a word or feeling....but it doesn't come. What ever it is sits right on the tip of my tongue.....I can almost say it..almost hear.....almost feel it....but not quite. There must be some wordly thing I should be doing right now but instead I sit here writing ...well nothing.....writing nothing about nothing. Do you ever feel that way? It is so funny, because I feel fine..no aches or pains...nothing really wrong.....well except for the normal things in life like time and money but those are consatant so they do not matter..... No, I mean something much deeper. Perhaps I am supposed to throw on the cape and go save someone in distress. Perhaps that is what I feel but don't understand it. Perhaps I am sensing some huge thing and am not in tune enough to see it or understand it. Or perhaps I am just feeling nothing and this is what nothing feels like.....think that is it? If there is nothing wrong and you are used to things being wrong, does your emotional being miss it? Does it make you feel empty or even edgy? Is nothing really something to enjoy? Perhaps sit back and bask in the nothing feeling for as long as it lasts? Well I might try that but.....I am working today, so no sitting back and enjoying nothing for me...... Intead I will have to perform my job like I have no worries and the world is OK....But is it? Is it really ok? |
| The trip to Arizona was great!.....My daughter and I ran the half marathon and yews we made it to the end. We hiked up a huge mountain, spent a great evening at Margaritaville, lazed in the hot tub and saw the Grand Canyon.....Damn.......why did we come back? Oh yeah, ran out of money!!! I will probably be scarce for a while as I have so much to catch up on.....you would think work could get by without me for a few days?? NO!!! SKi |
| I am leaving this afternoon for Arizona....really pupmed and the afternoon can not come too fast. I am working for a few hours to get things "lined up" other wise the place will be total chaos..... It's true!!! I will be gone for a week and am not sure I will get on here during that time. I am leaving the laptop here as our controller needs it for a few days. We arrive in Pheonix around 10pm and the marathon race is Sunday morning. Monday we are going to the Grand Canyon. On the West rim there is a structure built 150 out over the canyon 4000 feet above the Colorado river. I hope to walk out on that thing, they say it feels like you are a soaring Eagle. Funny huh? some people call me and Eagle or Owl and here I am pretending to fly....can't wait! I had hoped to visit the Grand Canyon and raft down the rappids of the Colorado but it is not open this time of year. Instead we will hike some trails. My daughter is moving back here at the end of the month so who knows if I will get to the Canyon again? Anyway.....I am pumped and will be leaving here within a few hour to go home and pack. NO!!! Of course I have not packed yet, I have plenty of time...don't I? What fun would it be if you didn't pack at the last minute? I don't really pack...it's more like shove a bunch of stuff in the bag and stop right before it is too full to close. I have no doubt that I will forget something I need but that is how we make life interesting and create wonderful stories....if everything was perfect, who would bother to read the stories? OK.......wish me luck...........This race should be fun as there will be a band playing at every mile marker.....so lots going on. If some of you wanted to follow the race live or read about it, go to PF Chang's Rock and Roll Arizona.....or www.rnraz.com See you guys soon!!!!!! Gone,fly, run Ski |
| I have not written a story in months..............Of course i have no control as I only write as the spirit moves me. Where is that spirit? Oh things pop into my head and I find myself thinking I should write it down....but it just doesn't happen. Almost as if every vision that evolves in my crazy brain is suddenly overcome by other more important things. I just can not find the time lately to sit down and start writing....well other than the blog scene. My wife had a birthday, which is usually a time when I would write some little cute "thing" and I wrote nothing...nada......except for signing her card. I feel I need to pull the reigns and say WHOA!!! I need to slow this rig down and take stock but I can't seem to do it. Is the world going mad? Is time speeding up or something? It must be..........unless......I am slowly losing my sanity........Yea, that must be it...i'm sure of it......... I have gone crazy and even though time seems to be whizzing by, I am actually sedated and laying in a hospital bed half drugged and peeing in a plastic cup. That must be it....the only explination. I am sure my hair is all messed up and I probably need a shave. I have to get myself together and collect my thoughts.....like James Bond would do when he gets drugged by the beautiful girl. He digs down deep and forces his body to overcome the drug and he somehow stubbles out of the room after fighting (and beating) the guy he couldn't beat when he wasn't drugged! Then the best part, he get's the girl and she falls for him as his lovemaking is sooo wonderful that she forgets that they are enemies.....Wow...what power huh? Honestly, I would be more like Jim-Bob Bond...the younger some what deranged brother of James. Yea, a little plumpy and sort of on the geeky side. Could fight if he had to but would surely just curl up on the bed and be overtaken by the beautiful girl's drugs.....then the girl would leave with James and the movie would end.......jim-Bob dreaming of the beautiful girl and the life he will never have as the drugs send him to his maker.........then James....well he lives happily ever after!!! Here is to Jim-Bob Bond..............makes the movie dull but at least now we have lost enough interest for time to hit the toilet and get a snack before james beats the crap out of 5 people (at the same time) and then gets the girl....again!! What a stud!!! Surely he imports his own Testosterone???? When the movie is over, no one even remembers that other guy.....what was his name? Jim something? The little whimp that only knew sex through his playboy subscription and the variety of his own two hands? The fool that thought everyone loved him and neglected to notice the snickers behind his back. Funny, Jim-Bob is more real than James ever thought of being. He is the real world and James is the fantasy. He is the guy wishing he was James in the movie instead of standing up and making his own life. When Jim-Bob Bond grows up? Well he is the mega power of some computor conglomerate and now he has the beautiful girl and geek is hip....well at least his money is!!!! Where am I going with this? ..............Ummm.......well, no where......funny the things you think of when you are drugged and your brother took off with the beautiful girl!!! |
| If your life was mirrored by an animal, what would it be? I see many kinds on here. I see some Lions that lead with strength and power, snakes that decieve and devour, birds that love and fly freely...........What would I be? How do others percieve me? That is what I need to know........what animal do I seem like to you? Cause I can't think of one that fits me. Am I that odd that I protray nothing specific? Help me out here....will you? |
| Well, three days and I am on a plane to Arizona......The sun will feel good! I am quite excited about running the Rock and Roll half Marathon with my daughter but for some reason I am not that charged up.. I feel a couple beats behind this morning...sure hope I am not coming down with something? I suppose it could be fatigue as I had quite a good time yesterday helping my son's girlfriend's kids (pfew that's a mouthful) build snowmen....sure seemed like I was doing all the work. Oh course I started a snowball fight after and that was fun...I won!!! Well I am 51, they are 6 and 8 so I did have an advantage!!! My snowman was an alien with antennea...he was actually cute, I added a huge beer belly....well because I could...I don't know if aliens drink beer but if they stayed on earth for very long, I suppose they would fall in to our way of life...right? The kids laughed at my snow alien.....I thought I did a good job....We had hot chocolate after......it was nice and hot..I sometimes miss the fun I had when my kids were little. Tackle football in the snow........baseball in the back yard.......dirt bikes in the field out back......sliding in the pit........lots of memories....... |
Well, that is a good question.... Sometimes (hard to believe huh?) I just don't feel like writing. Does that happen to you? Just feel odd this morning. Like it is an in between day. Know what I mean by that? Well an in between day is like a pause. Your brain just takes a break and pauses for a while. Oh, you can still do things and answer questions but no creative wisdom seems to be churning. I don't feel bad or good, smart or dumb, happy or sad.........just facing the next day of the week and I will do what is needed to get things done.....That is all. I am sure I will still laugh and crack jokes, I will still hum that song stuck in my head, I will walk with purpose and raise to any occasion that I am needed. So most people will not notice my feelings..........Pssst.....only you know, so don't blab it around ...OK? |
| It is 4:00 in the morning, I am alone in the building and getting things opened up and ready for the new day. It is so quiet and tranquil....so different from the normal of just a mere hour from now. Outside it has labored it's way up to 4 degrees (F), but in here it is warm. It reminds me so much of my childhood and I would be first up in the early mornings....it is as if I am the only one in the world and I completely "own" my life and emotions. Knowing full well that the world was outside my door just waiting for me to open it. I though if I just don't open the door, then the world would stay away. No outside influences, nobody expecting me to do anything....just me and my thoughts, I am number one for this short period in the morning....I do enjoy it so much. I feel it is the only time my brain can coast and just breathe. Well that's not totally true, when I am out snow showing, or running in the woods or even last night when I plowed my yard and the neighbors yard, I also touch on this feeling....the feeling of freedom. Yes it may sound wierd as I force myself out of bed at 3:30 am, push the particles from last nights sandman from my eyes and trudge through the cold morning just to sit here and relax for an hour. Did you know I can hear surrounding noises right now that no one through out the day even knows exist? It is as if this building is alive in some way and the noises are of it breathing and living.......I suppose it is living in a way as it wakes an slowly begins to show movement.....a steady flow of people arrive and the pace begins to quicken. The heart of the building pumps in full bloom as the workday starts. phones ringing, people running around, tempers flaring, laughter bellowing....it peaks and then starts to subside as the worker ants one by one leave and finally the alarm is set, the door is locked and the building sleeps only to be gently waken by my key a few hours later.... Perhaps I have gone crazy? Do people really have relationships with material things like a building? You bet! I am a sucker for an old barn...I can sit inside a musty dirty old barn and feel at home...I wonder why? |
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But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 