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You have entered my blog. I take no responsibilty for your reaction. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** MY NEW CAR....WELL IF I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY ONE!!! Thanks Thea!!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Who should decide wether you are lazy wasting time or enjoying a well deserved rest? How do you know? Are there guide lines out there? Maybe a percentage might say if you work hard for 60% of the day you are entitled to 20% rest and 20% sleep. What if you work 60% of the day but at only 30% difficulty? Is the other 70% considered a rest? Is sleep factored in or considered separate? If I work really hard, say at 90% difficulty for only half a day can I take the rest of the day off and not feel guilty? Sometimes after a long day (for me that would be more than 12 hours) I just want to grab a beer and laze around on the couch, watch a movie or read a book. But my wife (who gets out of work at 2:30) has been sitting around all afternoon and remarks that she is not going to sit around and do nothing all night. Is it fair for me to have to go out? Yesterday I worked 14 hours and the night before I ran a sprint workout at track...so I went home pretty tired... I didn't even go for a swim which is unusal for me. I worked pretty hard so why did I feel like I shouldn't be doing nothing? I suspect it is part of my upbringing. My heritage as a family of workers. My father was in a family business and they worked at least 12 hours a day 6 days a week. I hardly saw my Father when growing up. We had a (gentleman's) farm which means my dad had all the animals but we didn't earn a living as farmers. Well he worked so much that us kids had to take care of the garden and the animals including haying on Sundays (as that was the only day my dad was available) If things needed to be done, we were expected to do them then what ever time was left over was ours to do as we pleased, only there wasn't usually much time left. Sometimes I hated my life as I didn't get to do the things I thought was important......as I look back now though, I see the value of a good work ethic. I wish I had learned to enjoy what I was doing at the time instead of dreading the work. So that is where my dilema began.....we were not allowed to be lazy .....it was wrong to be laying around when so many things needed to be done...I learned to feel guilty. How do I overcome that now and tell people proudly that I did absolutely nothing when they ask what I have been up to. Or tell my wife to pound ****** when she finds something for us to do when I feel like relaxing? How do I feel comfortable leaving things un attended while I waste time? If I had a percentage guideline or a graph to work with it would be so much easier. I could hold my graph up as laying on the couch and show how I worked a certain percentage at a specific percentage of difficulty and show how much lazy time I earned that day. Am I wasting time right now? Is this considered rest? Do I have to deduct this portion of my day from the percentage of work? This is why you have to pay attention in school and learn Math....all these percentages ........so I worked 12 hours....out of 18 hours awake that is 70% work counting the driving time. Deduct 10% from that as I did eat lunch and write in my blog. Out of the 60% work, 70% of that was pretty hard........30% was fairly easy......so 3 hours or so at that 30% would equal to about 10% hard. or 1 hour...add that 1 hour to my 9 hours (70% of 12 hours) that equals 10 hours total work out of 18 hours of the waking day..which is a little less than 60%.....so how much lazy time do I deserve????????? Whoa!!!! I think I just blew a fuse.........damn this math stuff is so hard..I wish I had paid more attention in school........There must be an easier way..guess I will go back to work. |
| My mind is wandering today….actually the last few days. I find my self in a semi dream state for seconds at a time and jumping out of it suddenly. The subject matter is all over the place, no rhyme nor reason. Sometimes I only remember it for a short while after I snap back into reality. I say reality but is it? Perhaps the dream is the reality and my life is the dream. How does one really know? I could be in a hospital somewhere and under the influence of some potent drug. The drug is designed to keep my mind idle and control my hallucinations. The dream state is actually my real mind without the drugs influence. As the drugs begins to wear off, my mind jump starts to reality. So why can’t I control things better if this life is a dream? Why are there so many problems in my artificial reality? How can I belief your response if you are part of my dream? If you (the readers) are real then the person you know “on paper” may only be the fiction of my mind. How does one know for sure who they are conversing with? You only “see” what I write. Your brain then forms a mental image and a feeling of who I am. What if everything I tell you is fictional? If I am a good writer, couldn’t I get away with that? Couldn’t I convince you that I am who ever I want you to see? Years ago I watched a movie called Jacobs Ladder. In this movie a man has returned from the war and struggling with his life and memories of the killings. His life seems to be spiraling out of control. He goes to a psychiatrist for help. His dreams are of the war they seem scattered and unbelievable. Long story short, he finally comes to reality and he is in a mash unit in Vietnam. His platoon was given a form of drug like LSD. The government thought that the army would be more ruthless and controllable under the influence of drugs. As he wakes up to reality he realizes he is laying on a cot completely shot up by one of his buddies that was hallucinating. He remembers killing a bunch of women and children in a village just as he realizes that he has been dreaming all along and he never made it back to the states from the war. Shortly after that he dies and the movie ends. That kind of story makes you think…..what is reality and what is not? Do we really ever know? When you read my words you only know what you vision in your mind. You may not know the truth. Something to think about HUH? |
| A WDC friend of mine has turned blue.....My son was blue when he was born.......I have days when I am feeling blue..........but a blue suitcase..well that is pretty cool. Though I assume there are some responsibilties to go along with that. Moderator....hhmmnnn...what do they actually do? Do they get to boss people around or are they the "police" in sorts? I feel I have been really slipping here.....Michelle sprang up yellow the same day I did.....now she is blue and I am......well still yellow but lately I haven't even deserved that. If I judge myself by my actions, I suppose I should really be gray.....kind of useless here lately. Doesn't stop me from feeling great for Michelle though.....I am happy for her. Perhaps one day I will get back on track. I will start writing, reading and reviewing.......I am sure I will....... |
| 6/15/08 Sunday The Bradbury 6 mile Scuffle (measured 6.21 by my zigzag running) put on by Monster Trail Racers was fantastic. The trails were full of twists and turns, roots, rocks, hills, wooden bridges. Just about everything you would think to see running in the woods. On top of that throw in a soaking rain all night and a steady rain at the start. Believe me the wet conditions created a whole new type of running. They managed a large rain puddle finish (which I splashed strait through as I kicked to the end.) I didn't fall but I did slide through some big mud bogs and tripped on one root. Each time I was able to control myself and maintain an upright condition. I believe my success was a direct result of my core training. I loved this race and the rain just plain made it that much better. My biggest struggle was keeping my glasses clean enough to see the terrain in front of me. I was disappointed when I arrived and realized I didn't bring my North Face trail runners.....could have used the extra grip and Gortex feature. If there was any race condition that warranted the trail shoe, this was it. The start was a little tough as I was near the back and the trail was tight single track. I managed to pass a bunch of runners and used the downhill momentum to fly by a pack of runners before the twisty part of the trail. I felt great at this point and the terrain was not bothering me at all. I managed to dodge puddles and mud for about 2 miles. After that my feet were so wet and muddy, it didn't make much sense to waste the effort. My worst mile was three. For some reason the hills caught up to me, I couldn't catch my breath and my legs felt heavy. I wasn't looking forward to three more miles of this feeling. Once I passed the water stop and hit a short span of somewhat level ground (If you want to call anything out there level) I started feeling better and the legs perked up. One thing about tight windy trails, is that you have little time to feel sorry for yourself. Concentrating on the trail helped me get back in the zone. Mile 5 and 6 hardly even registers in my mind. I remember steady breathing, branches hitting my face and sticking to the trail like I was on train tracks. I was neither cold nor hot and the rain had no effect on me at all. Surely the best two miles of the race. Suddenly before I could utilize my normal half mile speedup for a finishing kick, the finish appeared. I did manage a good kick and powered through the puddle as well as any adolescence enjoying a puddle jump. This course was marked perfectly and easy to negotiate (even in the rain) The trail Monsters are very organized, courteous and down to earth people. There is no question that they love to run trails! My only disappointment was that the finish came up so quick. This was surely one of my best finishes this year as far as how I felt and my energy level. This was a great race and an awesome experience! |
| I have been thinking lately about leaving here......not because it is not a good place but because I have not been participating lately. Blogging rarely and writing absolutely nothing. I suppose if I actually sat down and started writing, I could create a story. Thing is, I just haven't felt like it lately and though I do rummage around the site and read a few blogs, I find mydelf distant in a way. So because of that, I have been weighing the importance of the upgraded membership.......thinking about stepping down to basis or just leaving all together. This is probably the third time in a row that I waited until the last minute to decide what to do. My upgraded membership deadline is June 15th....noon sharp! So today I re-upped for three more months......don't know why. Perhaps I just can't let go...can't loose contact with the special friends I have here. Others that have left all said they would keep in touch but they all faded away.....I don't want to fade away right now...I guess I am not quite ready. So.........here I am ....upgraded, yellow, a good base of stories....but doing nothing creative......maybe tomorrow....yeah maybe tomorrow...Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry that you have to put up with me for another 3 months.....or so? Ski (ever wonder where Ski came from? someday I will tell you) |
| I read Bugzy's blog twice......She states she is feeling out of sorts..You know I relate to that. I realized as I read, that I too was feeling out of sorts. Not physically really but emotionally. I haven't blogged in a while because I just haven't felt like writing. I haven't read many blogs because I havn't felt like reading them. The only one I read lately was bugz. So, I am thinking about this and I don't understand........I have not written anything creative in a long while. I have had little interest in reading other writings either. What is going on? Am I changing? Has my perception changed? Or have the things around me changed? If there is a such thing as Karma for objects, I would say that is the problem. The stories just don't draw me in. The writing "Karma" is not firing me up. I am out of sorts......but my life is fine...I have no current issues that are any different that months ago......I have been doing my normal hobbies like running and have been spending plenty of quality time with my family.....there are no pressing issues in my life........but something is askue.. Askue? I know that is a word but it sure doesn't look right....I don't feel like spell checking though...It somehow doesn't feel like natural conversation when I do that. In natural talking does one correct themselves if they pronounce something wrong? Naw....that is part of everyday interaction....when you can just say what is on your mind and not worry about rules ....like grammar or puntuation or full sentences.....or wether or not you are rambling.... I kind of like conversations that ramble....Isn't that where new ideas come from? What was I saying? |
| I am looking for my writing spirit.....anyone seen it? I am not sure how to describe it but I think it is fairly acceptable to this writing comunity as I have received some pretty good reviews. I am not the type that sits down picks a topic and writes. I am more driven by a spirit...when the spirit moves, I write....it hasn't been moving...well other than writing in the blog and my running journal at blogspot. SO I am kind of curious......you think my spirit has left the building? You think it found better pastures and just left me in the cloudy dust of it's squeeling tires? I'm thinking that is what happened...... I have been close to closing my account twice now...but at the last minute re-upping. I looked at my stats yesterday and realized that an average of 20 people a day are reading my stuff......(no reviews of course) so I don't know if they are enjoying them. I assume yes as one of them is slpit into chapters and all the chapters are being read. So.....why don't they mention if they like them or not? I think the reviewing process should be changed a bit. It seems that the reader is required (or they think they are required) to write this huge elaberate review...for some I think that is overwhelming and they opt to write nothing. I would like to see a choice for reviewing.....let the reader merely tell you whether on not they received any enjoyment from your piece.....not feel required to dissect the story and critique it.......because many readers...including me, do not feel qualified to review in that manner. I honestly feel I will never be a famous writer, but I do enjoy writing and it lifts my spirit to hear someone enjoyed reading it. That's all I really want is to know if I am good enough to give something to others even if it is a little laugh at how poorly I write an interesting story. Does anyone out there understand what I am saying? Does it have to be such a bold line between a serious writer and a writer just enjoying what the spirit sends along? I am realistic enough to realize that I am not going to get some company to give me millions of dollars just to allow others to read my junk.....there are thousands of better writers than me that will probably never get published. I think it is a tough industry........but my goals are not that high....I just want to know there are some people out there enjoying the read......just enjoying the few moments they spend in my brain.........is that too much to ask? Can't that type of review be created? |
| Ever wish you could take a huge step back and view your life as a whole? You know, just to see the graph of your travels so far. I wonder what I would see. Would I be surprised or reassured? I think sometimes we just ramble forward in our quest to live and don't really gain an overview of our paths. I wish there was a way to put it in a short movie so I could sit down and see myself so far. I wonder who I would get to narrate it? I think that guy that was the voice of Mustafa in lion king. His voice is deep yet relaxing....it almost commands our brains to listen and believe what he is saying........either that or Larry the cable guy...HEHE. Yeah he would show my true colors...HUH? I think most of us would be shocked to see our life as a movie......I think most would be snoring away at mine..........Think about it though.....would I see someone totally different than my internal vision thinks? Would I see what everyone else sees? Would I be dis-apointed? Then the tough question: Would I change if I didn't like what I saw....could I change? Then what would I change myself to if I could? I want to be remembered as a good person....Am I one of those forgetable people...you know the ones that just fade away from your memory? I went to the track the other day to get my speed workout in and came across a guy I knew from when I coached baseball. I recognized him right away. I said hi Greg....he looked but didn't remember me.......why is it that I remember him so vividly yet he sees a stranger? What is it that didn't leave a lasting impression on him? I can imagine his brain thinking.....who the hell? Who was that? Perhaps I should spice up my appearance somehow? Maybe a Tatoo on my nose? Would they remember me then? Yeah.....that's it, I will get a Tatoo of a smiley face on my nose and then my name on my forehead...that should work! |
| Most of you will probably hate this blog as It borders on politics.....sorry....... But isn't it odd that the middle east who controls the oil prices, is not happy with our current president and our views? Isn't it odd that they raise the price of oil with no shortage or increase in their costs at the same time we are gearing up to vote for a new president? They are smart enough to know that our economy reflects directly (in our minds) on the current president. So as the prices raise, most of us tend to blame our president and begin to feel we need a change to stop the economic decline... There are three people in the race at this time. Two are saying they will leave the middle east..(fold tail and run). Don't you think it very possible that the middle east (Opec) feels their best future is with a president (like Jimmy Carter) that is somewhat soft and not willing to stand up for our values? So perhaps they are keeping the oil prices up to strong arm us into thinking we need big change? To convince us to vote for their best choice for president? If they accomplish that, they will have more control over us and will take even more of our money ....if not our country...... It is clear to me that they have the capability and are controling our economy. They weaken our dollar by raising our prices and in the end control our whole economy. They want it all! So, in my mind, if they are pressuring me to vote for Barac or Hillary.........shouldn't I take that as a sign to seriuosly think about voting for who they don't want? I shudder to think what would happen to us if we allow ruthless people to control us. We have to find a way to take our country back......we depend on the middle east for oil........China owns our financial structure..(yes, they are financing our loans) The cubans and mexicans are flooding our country and draining our rescources (only the illeagal ones), Japan has a strong hold on our vehicle sales, Our farmers are shutting down in groves, Now our truckers can no longer afford to truck....................Is this the view of a country in control? I think not. Our forfathers fought for what they felt was right.....they went against all odds and had great casualties....in the end they won...they created a great nation and our heritage.......why are we so quick to throw all that away? Sometimes even peaceful people have to stand up and fight.......Isn't this one of those times? So who is controlling our country? It is surely not us .....Isn't it odd that people don't see this? |
| Isn't that a pretty good question? I think "friends" can be on so many levels that they should have different names or at least a prefax. Yeah, at work I have a friend....kinda...I guess....well I say friend but if one of us left this job, would we keep in touch? Would we get together and spend time? Well the only time we see each other is at work....so are we really freinds or some derivative of it? What would work friend be called? So I also have a what I call a friend on this site. Am I a real friend though? To be a real friend what should one do? Is there a definition somewhere that explains it better? If I was a good friend, wouldn't I make an effort to go above and beyond the normal to help when they are down? Wouldn't I reach out and visit or at least call if they were to far away? Wouldn't I offer some other type of help? Shouldn't I touch their lifes personally? She did to me......she offered me her phone number to call if I needed someone to talk to...she sent me a platter of goodies...and they were good.....I had no problem eating that great food but did I reach out? No I have this line.......A line I created I guess, that I don't cross. Why is that? Am I afraid of making friends? Can I only be a friend from a distance? Perhaps I am just too lazy or scared to step into the light? I don't know the answer.....but If I could cross that line, I would do it for her....as she is one great person that has had more than her share of difficulties....... So, what dose she do? She reaches out to others to help them.....she crosses that line and really helps people in need.....I don't do that....I never do......... So, am I really anyone's friend? Do I qualify in anyway? FRIEND: 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony. 3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe? 4. a member of the same nation, party, etc. 5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker. -verb (used with object) 6. Rare. to befriend. -Idiom7. make friends with, to enter into friendly relations with; become a friend to. OK...........I have read the description of friend.......it doesn't say anything about "real" friends or crossing lines..........perhaps I can call myself somewhat of a friend by this definition.....can't I? |
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But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 