%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  this will probably be empty, so don't look |
|
You have entered my blog. I take no responsibilty for your reaction. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** MY NEW CAR....WELL IF I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY ONE!!! Thanks Thea!!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Once in while I say something really wise and accomplish the hard task of making someone feel better. When that happens, a warm fuzzy blanket of emotion oozes from the heavens and completely engulfs me. I haven't experienced that for a long while.....I can't seem to create that wiseness. Where does it go and why does it stay away so long? I find myself wondering where the "wise pool" is. If only I could fing the road that leads me there. Lately I have been in a sort of limbo state.....knowing that I crave something but not really sure what it is. I think it is that uplifting feeling, the state of conciousness you receive when you help others. It is then that a peaceful radiant glow charges the heart and proves we are all alive. In recent days, I have been so busy "living" my life that I haven't had time to blow on the dying coals of my own existance. Get that flame back and let my fire burn brightly......It has been drowned by financial needs......my needs, the needs of others.....the endless circle of making money that passes through my hands just long enough to burn my palms as it flows off my finger tips and lands in the hands of the unneedy. A wise man can use his talent to help others .....emotionally.......no exchanging money, just giving and receiving. The value is there of course, but no compensation is expected.....That is the only way to bring on that good feeling. I sometimes dream of waking up because the sun is gently tapping the side of my face, Causing me to open my eyes as the warmth aroses my senses. I jump up and scurry to the door. As the door flys open, a soothing wisp of warm air grabs me and wraps around my soul. I take a huge breath of this fresh air and it charges every cell in my body. The world outside is perfect and beautiful. The full heat from the sun now radiates a tingling sensation through out by body. All my sneses find happiness as I see the beauty, hear the birds, feel the warmth and smell the freshness.....the world awaits me. This is how I want to start each day...........I can see it in my mind...I can close my eyes and feel it.....but I can't seem to find it.........if only I was a wise man. |
| How do you balance on that fine line between self indulgence and real needs? I sometimes think it is a relative question and we as humans can always rationalize an answer that supports our position. That said, I guess the fine line is draw by our own excuses or should I say reasons? So we convince ourselves, but that is not good enough...so we petition others to hear our arguments and ask them to agree with us...We lean on their views as it must be objective right? If they agree with us we feel good and justified, but if they disagree, we seek out more opinions and you know what? I think we tend to ask the people we KNOW will agree with us. Of course we do, surely we do not want people to dis-agree with our position right? I find that people do help me balance on that fine line.....but you know what? Sometimes I just hope for that one person to lunge right at me, muckle right on tight and fly off that stupid line with me. As we fall together, we both realize that we have no idea where we are going...just falling freely and waiting for the outcome....what is exciting about that, is that we have no choice in the outcome at that specific moment.....just a moment in time with no balancing to do............. Hmmmnn..........I could almost conjour up enough courage to just plain jump....almost.... |
| I am still patiently waiting for my life to break wide open.......I feel it is surely just around the corner.....I close one eye, squint the other and try real hard to peek around that corner .......but nope just not happening.. I "feel" it is right there though just beyond my sight and my reach. Ever feel that way? Like the feeling you get right before the heavens open right up and dump thousands of gallons of rain in seconds? You can feel it and you know it is coming but you can not pin point the exact moment? Yeah, well that is my life right now.....there are some changes due, another stage to begin unfolding...but not quite yet........................I am going up north tomorrow for a weekend get away...a nice little log cabin, on a huge frozen lake, with 100" plus of snow and a storm due on Saturday.......I can't wait...I need the change to unwind and recharge...........I wish I could leave today.. |
| Hey!!! Don't get used to this cause I will probably not be here every day…………I am lucky I made it three in a row…..long explanation…someday we will talk about it…..or not….HEHE. I watched the Lunar eclipse last night. Isn't the universe amazing? I think about the awesome power and antiquate workings of our surrounding and I have trouble comprehending it all. I mean the universe goes on forever? It never ends? It doesn't make sense to me….how could it never end. As humans we were brought up with continuous beginnings and endings….we structure our very lives on that premise. Everything we do is in stages of completion. So I can't comprehend never ending but when I create a vision in my mind of the very end of time, I realize….well if there is and end, what is after that? Something right? Yeah so if there is a black nothingness after the end….well then it has not ended…..OK….going into overload here…………..Wait! Oh now I understand, it's like a blog……..the blog never ends because we can't shut up. That's right, we humans cannot just sit back and shut up….we have this gift of communication and we just plain abuse the crap out of it….and love doing it. What happens to old blogs? I have never been to a blog funeral…….I have never come across one sitting in the gutter with a half empty bottle of whiskey. So were are they all? Is there a blog heaven or something? Perhaps there are just mass graves were the blogs are corralled into these deep black holes (probably the ones at the end of time) and pushed over the edge, kicking and screaming the whole way. I think I will invent a machine that takes old used up blogs and squeezes the crap out of them (literally), squirt them with some type of air freshener, hang them out on the clothes line to dry, then recycle them into new fresh bloggetts. You can buy these bloggetts real cheap and once you start writing, they expand into the cutest little blog you have ever seen. I could make millions! Besides, that black hole is getting pretty full!!!!! |
| I said I would wait a day and see how I feel. Well I had hoped for some type of settling reprieve but instead I am wondering. Why do we have such a range of emotions? What is it inside us that regulates our mood? What really is fair in life? I sometimes wonder what is wrong in my head as I have a continuous flow of questions. How do people have such blind faith? How do they believe exactly what they are told or that they read? You see, I don't. I try to understand what I read, what I am told. I decipher it and look at it at many angles. Perhaps trying to shake out the untruths. I need to feel strong that it is true before I will except it. Is that the wrong way? Should I just embrace others word as the solid thought that is presented? Sometimes I wish I could. If I did then I could use those guidelines. I could lean on those words. "I did it because the book said so". Who am I to questions the book? Go yell at the book! Sure that seems so easy. I wish I could do that. Problem is, I don't believe that so I couldn't use the excuse. I can only stand on what I believe inside of me. So, then comes the questions….because I don't know all the answers. I feel this whole writing today is the result of an analytical mind. Apparently I was given one. A blessing and a curse all at the same time. I need reasons, I need to create relevance, I need to be sure. So to finish my comments from yesterday, I have less answers today. Only more questions. Am I allowed to use my overwhelming power to take control of things? Is it ok to drop my fist down on the person who wronged me? I have the power, so is it the right thing to do? It surely would feel real good at the time…..actually more like great! Perhaps that is why I have the power, because I am expected to use it. Or, am I expected to understand it and only build a base of decency and honesty on it. Perhaps I have the power only because I can control it. So when should I use it? The power I mean. What power you ask? Well I have been vague as it doesn't really matter the circumstances. Particulars do not support nor defeat the issue. In life people acquire power over others. Might be that they are a mom or dad, they might be a police officer, they might be a holder of secrets. In these situations, there is great power to control others. That is the force I am talking about. Some people abuse it for their own gains or satisfaction. Hell that is why they wanted the power in the first place. There are other people that use their power to help others and bring happiness to situations. Sometimes though, great power is needed to handle a situation and there will be no choice but to leave a wake of destruction behind. It is the only way to handle the problem. How do we shoulder the responsibility of the destruction? How do we know that the time is right? How do we know that our destiny is to take that step? What if we are wrong? I struggle with these little issues in my life while people are hurting, people are dying, there is torture and turmoil. Where is fairness for them? Who am I to complain. What horrible things have ruined my life? A girl that went to school with my son started an organization to help the children in Guatemala. After graduating she raised money to help the children go to school. She moved down there and worked hand in hand with them. Last year she died in a vehicle crash on one of those windy roads down there. All the good she was doing and she is gone. The foundation is still strong and helping those kids so her legacy is strong. At the same time, what is my legacy? What will I be remembered for? Perhaps using my power to slap down a person who belittled me and tried to steal from me. Something that I can't even guaranty was really mine. Do I have the right to make him responsible for his actions? I sure want to say yes! |
| I firmly believe things happen for a reason. There have been so many events in my life that mirrored that exact thought. "Why did that happen to me" One might blurt out. "What did I do to deserve this?" What a great question. Do we ever really sit back and account for the things that we do? First of all we have to be objective and honest. That is very difficult by itself. Now I mean painstakingly honest……be truthful. Make a list of the things in just the last 5 days that you have done of a sly nature. Is your list shorter than two or three things? If so, I say you are still not being honest with yourself. We are humans. Our very nature alone guides us into situations where we make personal decisions. Perhaps doing things we are not proud of but somehow our brains discount the value. We have the uncanny ability of showering our indiscretions with excuses. Convincing ourselves we are merely a victim here. I did just this yesterday as something happened to me and I was whining and complaining about my misfortune. The drama in my head chose a villain…actually I had two, and I chose a victim (that was me of course). I used a run of events to support my position. Oh! poor me! I am so innocent and I have done nothing wrong. Why did these villains kick me so hard? What did I do to deserve this? The answer is quite simple………..through my own thoughts decisions and actions, I chose this very act myself. That is right, we always bear some degree of responsibly for own lives. We can, if being honest to ourselves find something about the unfortunate event that is on our shoulders. Every action creates a re-action. There is nothing simpler than that. Chances are good that if something happens to you, it is some type of re-action to choices you made in your life. If you are arrested for drunken driving, you hit some poor pedestrian and they are in the hospital…..you are pissed and humiliated and humble….you lose your license….you pay a big fine……there are many repercussions…and you blame the cop, your spouse for allowing you to drive, your friend for not giving you a ride to the store to pick up more booze…….Your favorite show was a repeat tonight. Everyone is to blame for your misfortune……those bastards! So where was the action and what is my point? Well the action was the first time you drank too much…back in college or when in high school……you realized then that you did not have control but you CHOSE to continue. This is all visionary of course. I did not hit a pedestrian, but I did make an action that caused a re-action, then many more re-actions after that. So where is the blame? That is the point. everyone bares a percentage of responsibility. The question is how much? Who is right and who is wrong? What is fair? How many times have you said life is unfair? So I sit down and write a list under the column "what I did related to this problem" and a list under the column "what other people did" Then I made a third list, "what I am assuming" Know what? I found out that some bad things were done to me. I also found out that I am not all that innocent. Last I found out that I am assuming a lot of things. The next thing I did was throw out all the things I assumed were true. Then I realized my percentage of responsibility. Yeah I had some all right. Does that mean the things done to me by the villains were meaningless? Of course not. It was still bad and still wrong but I was not innocent and I did not have the right to control other people's lives….even if they were 10% wrong or 50% wrong or even in some cases 100% wrong. I have stooped to equal levels if my re-action is wrong. So what do I do? Well, first I would say sleep at least one night on any important decision. Do you feel the same in the morning? Second, think of all the different re-actions from your action. Can you live with all of these possible outcomes? Not sure? Maybe wait another day and see how you feel. It is so easy to jump up and scream foul. It is so easy to create an emotional response. It is so easy to retaliate. It is not so easy to live with the consequences of rash actions. So what am I going to do about my dilemma? Well I will see how I feel tomorrow |
| No not really.....not a ghost...just me "the Ski" Making a flash entrance. I have not been around for a while and wanted to stop in and let you all know that I am still alive. That's right! What did you think? Anyway been involved in some things so the fun stuff ----like WDC has to take a back seat........Well, some of us do have to earn a living and something about supporting my family drives me in that direction...... So........don't give up on me just yet.......just consider it a Sabbatical.........besides, bugzy is baaaccck!!   kicked me square in the butt...(which still hurts) and told me to write you guys......don't you just love her?..............Ski |
| Everyone seems to have that special wish that they keep around and hope someday will come true. Some want to meet that special person, some want more money, some would even use their one and only wish for world peace. I have had many different wishes through out my life, but I know the one I really want now. I want to control time....that's right.. that's my wish..to control time. When I am anxcious for some quality time with the kids....well I will just roll back time say about 8 or 10 years and create new wonderful memories. I will even video them so I have something to watch. I will slow the clock down when I am having great fun and speed it up when things get tough. I see it similar to the remote control. Having a bad day...well fast forward a little. I know what you are thinking cause as I write this I remember the movie with Adam Sandler and how he had a remote control and it ruined his life. Well first of all he didn't understand or respect it....also the dummy never used the slow button or the back button, he only used fast forward so of couse it didn't work well for him. Yeah, if I could only control time....that would solve everthing!!! |
| and realized that I was not a "go getter" I always thought I was, people say I am, but I'm not. I realized instead that I am a doer. Yeah that's right, give to me to do, ask me to do, tell me or even beg me and I will do it. No matter what the cost, effort or time. It is hard to admit to myself that I am not outgoing. I never look forward to jumping in the frying pan and you could not coax me to.........but throw me in or let me trip and I turn into a different person. I will survive and get the job done......you can bet that I will walk out of that pan....somehow, some way. I have been that way all my life.....why didn't I see this before? I always hated the anticipation of something looming over me. Some people enjoy that you know. Yeah they enjoy the thought of the struggle. I dread it. Don't look forward to anything that disrupts my daily schedule. I am a survivor. I would never sign up for the show survivor but if you kidnapped me and threw my on the island with those people....I would probably win. You know why? Well I don't stop, I don't give up.......I don't want to start but if it get's forced on me, I tackle it and go to the end. Every major change in my life was forced on me. It is so clear to me now. No wonder my family put everything on me. Because I did what had to be done reguardless of how dirty, rotten or tough. Most people probably think I look forward to these challenges and embrace the thought of them but I don't..........I don't want to plan it and then have to think about it. I want the plane to land safely with no ripples........but if it crashes.....I'm your guy!!!! I am the energizer bunny, I will go until we are rescued or I am dead......and if I fail....well I can handle that too. I can rise above it and move on...yup that easy....just on to the next thing.....no crying or whinning.....how come I never knew this? Is this a good thing or a character flaw? |
| And my butt hurts from sitting here too long! My minds tells me I have to sit down and make some direction changes......not major of course but more like the subttle variety. I have to do it soon as I keep talking about it and thinking about it then pushing it asside for a while then back to talking and thinking......but I'm not doing anything. It is time to make some plans.....create a direction for cause and effect, then take the first step to start implimentation ...............Who wants a fence up their butt! So tomorrow, I will take my first step by deciding what side of the fence I need to be on and jump down........Yeah that's it, just jump right off that damn fence of mine. It's so darn high though, what if I break something?....... well it's not really that uncomfortable................... |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 