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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... 
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| Hello Sunshine, I feel so blessed by the love of my ex-husband. Yes, you can say that is crazy. You can tell me I should have stayed married and all that but it wasn't the way my life was suppose to turn out. I am just lucky because the man is turning out to be an awesome father. It took a stupid divorce and a career change for him to see the big picture. It's okay if it cost me my home because I gained something more valuable. A real parenting partner. For those parents that have children with special needs. I feel your pain and struggle. That kind of stress is painful on a couple's relationship. Especially if one parent is baring most of the responsibility of the parenting. To form a bond that is healthy for both parents is a struggle. I couldn't do it while we were married but I sure have it now. Brian deals with facts and I deal with emotions. BOTH are needed when raising kids. I love how we have found the balance and that despite the insanity that we living, we are both supportive. Thank you God and Brian. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I did my thing today. I did a review. I haven't been reviewing in a long time. I know as a Mod, that is not cool. I don't give myself the time to read or review. I look around and I love this place. I love it but know I am not putting my time here. Where is my time going? Have I wasted away the day? I can be so lazy at times and summer is perfect for lazy. I have it down to a skill. I tell my kids I make crazy and lazy look good! My plate is full of questions but few answers. I need to take a few days and seriously study for my NCE exam. It's coming up and I still do not feel prepared and that is crazy. Too much is at risk here. I will focus soon. I always do. I find a way to make the things in my life that matter the most happen. I am loving this summer!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, What would you consider good therapy? Is it talking to someone or doing something healthy for yourself? For me, it's avoiding bad decisions. I have been on a crash course of dating. I always think I can handle it but I can't. I make poor decisions that get me in trouble and places I shouldn't be. Like in the face of a dog. I couldn't do anything about the dog bite, but I could have avoided the whole date. Maybe, I just don't know how to be alone? Or, I like to be spontaneous and have fun? Either way I need to check myself and see where my true motivation is coming from. I am beginning to realize how much I pick up and carry the energy of other people. I do have multiple personalities and I am constantly changing to fit my environment. Perhaps that is not being true to myself, but I think it is. I know how I need to behave in public, in the world of work and play. I think I do know how to be alone. I have been alone for many years. I keep my thoughts to myself. I don't argue or confront conflict. I adjust my moods to sooth my fragile ego. I am hoping someday my ego is not so fragile and I can stand on my own! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Knowing that we can be friends is helping me. I will never have him the way I want him to be. He is not my guy but loving him and being away is healthy for me. I will always love him. I learned that my heart didn't die after my divorce. I learned that I could love freely without caution and lord knows I needed caution with him. I still need caution but at least I am not angry anymore and I am working on those ugly jealousy feelings. I will get stronger every day and now that my closure happened, I feel complete. Today I can concentrate on working and putting myself on the back burner. I need that. I need to take a break from thinking and go have some fun at work. It's going to be super hot and humid today. Being inside is the only way I am going to enjoy it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I had to go back if only for one more time. Next time, he will come to me. I needed to see him. Man was I scared. I don't like not knowing what to expect. I was happy and sad. He looked good but his life has not gotten better. Maybe my life can move forward now. I can be alone and be single. I can concentrate on my health and my emotions. I will always love him. I love all my ex's...some just more than other's. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, It's going to be a wonderful hot sunny day. I don't have one single plan to enjoy it other than a walk to church. I will embrace the reality of my life. I live here and I am alive. I made changes that needed to be made. I am still growing up and becoming who I want to be. I will find what I need, God will guide me. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I have always felt at times that I have a few different personalities going on. Yesterday, it was confirmed! I have a public image, I have a wild side, and I have a side I reserve for my true friends. When being called out on it, I froze and felt very uncomfortable. I am learning so much about myself. I am coming out of the deep fog of change and seeing myself. I have to concentrate on me now. I am only as good as the company I keep. I am only as good as what I do for myself. I need to concentrate on myself. My career and my personal health. My single journey is a minute by minute adventure. I do love myself. I know I have to make some positive changes and I am proud of who and what I am becoming. My past got me here today. I am proud of my hurts and pain. I am proud of the way I handle myself and I know that I will get where I am going. One day I will have it all again making sense. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride that is showing no signs of stopping! I really don't know how much more my sensitive heart can take. In my soul I know I am a good person. I know that something bad has happened to me but I didn't realize the ripple effect was still going on. I need to cleanse myself of this problem but it might never go away. No cure for a bad virus. No cure for a broken heart or broken promises to myself. No cure for change that occurred without my knowledge or consent. No cure for life moving on without me. One day I will be stronger than this, but today is not that day. Today, I need to cry. I need to feel sorry for myself. Maybe someday I will heal and laugh at my broken heart. Today is not that day! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I know this happens every week but doesn't doing laundry get old? I have my basic days of chores but assigned laundry day in my apartment complex drives me crazy. I know it's for our "own good" that we keep a schedule but dang some days I don't want to do laundry on my assigned day. I am such a rebel. The sun is shining, I think our rain is finally clearing out and I plan on going outside to play today. I have no idea where or when or how but it's my day! Right after I finish my laundry! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny friends, I am here in the mist of a new relationship. Caught up in the thoughts of an old one and trying to make sense of all the emotions that I want to express. I know who I am. I know what would be good for me. I have been loved before and I know how to love. I am ready to forgive the past and move forward. It's a sunny day and I love Sunshine! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I got my stitches taken out. It only cost me $98.00 bucks. Really it should have been free but I didn't feel like driving back to Lansing to sit all day at the hospital. All this unexpected cost of living got me thinking. How do people live on a fixed income? Unexpected accidents come up. At times I feel like I am living on borrowed time and money. I suppose if I had years of a career behind me I might have some money saved up. It is hard for me to believe I have only been working for one year. But I have and it's been an interesting year. I like the direction my career and life is going and I know it's only going to get better as the years go on. I can have the life I want. I just have to make time for it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Okay so I have seven days to renew my membership. Of course I am going too. It's just that I haven't been spending much time at my desk. I do my bills once a month. It's crazy that I do that but it somehow works for me. I spend a few hours on one day a month and deplete my checkbook. Then, I wait the rest of the month for it to fill back up. I am sure I am doing that backwards or something, but hey it's working. I understand that everyone has a different way of doing things. I am good with that. What I have done in a few short years is carve out a way of living for me. It has not been easy and many times I have felt like a failure. I have lost a true sense of self and now I need to go back and find me again. I am not going to wait for the perfect day, sunshine, or Jackson's perfect health. Today is the day. Right now. I am not waiting for a miracle. I am going to make one. I am the miracle in my own life. I am the motivation and light. I love where I am heading and if it's meant to be it will be. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well, I am still not sure what motivates his anger or frustrations. I can't seem to get a real handle on it. I suppose he just doesn't really like to be happy? It's so sad because for the first time I seen him do something fun. He was out in the water he seemed to be carefree and he seemed almost damn it...HAPPY! Why does he feel he has to punish himself if he is content? Why can't he maintain his emotions? I have no idea what goes on inside his head but I sure wish I could help him figure it out. Maybe it's not my job? Hummm Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Well I didn't do anything too exciting for the holiday. I went out on a date that lasted almost three days! It sure wasn't planned but then neither was the dog bite to my face! Yep, I got my first and I hope only bite from a dog. It was so strange, happened before I realized what even happened but it left it's mark and a lot of blood! My face is healing. I will have a small scar and a memory that will last a life time. Sounds about right with me! I am going to get back to life. I have some great plans for the summer. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Am I worth another try? Should I put myself out in the dating pool? I really have nothing to lose but a few sleepless nights and a tangle with my inner critic. It's not easy to put myself out there. You would think it would be a piece of cake for me, but it's not. I am a love addict. I want too much. I expect too much. I believe too fast. I don't have good bullshit detection anymore. I want to believe the best. I want to be mature and with it. I am still a small little girl with some very big dreams. I got it right once before I am sure I can do this again. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am trying to start over putting myself out on the line. I want to see where I am going and what is real. What is good enough for me? What do I need to know that I am loved and secure? I need to answer that so I can understand where I am going in my life. To feel loved is to have someone think of me. To have someone call me, want to see me, and cares about my happiness. To feel loved is a feeling of security and insecurity. It's a balancing act of mutual respect and responsibility to myself and my partner. It's a gut reaction and it's thrilling. I want to know that I am important. I want to know that my feelings and emotions count. I want to be something wonderful and to feel wonderful. I want respect and honesty. I want kisses and hugs. I want surprises and sweetness. I want comfortable and sloppy. I want to express myself and to listen with tender ears. I want to encourage but also follow my own moral code. I have a strong sense of self discipline. I am strong. I am willing to bend but not compromise my principals and standards. I am going to be true to myself and what falls...falls... Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sweet friends, I am determined to get my butt moving today. I am beautiful and I know it. I know it in the deepest sense of my reality. I have lost my sense of self over the past few years. I think I let myself go after I returned from LA. There was a turning point in my life. I changed. I went to a place I had never gone before and I have been trying to find my way home ever sense. I have no excuses. I only needed the time to forget myself. I had other fires to put out. Now I have the time to spend on me. Time to spend on me? I love that. I love the way that sounds and I need to be selfish. I can only give to others after I have taken care of me! That includes loving myself. Spending time with God. Exercising my heart. It's a wonderful day to be beautiful! Love, Michelle Oh and wow...I have to leave you with this one thought...We are all connected. Last night a friend of mine showed me how you can look up who is viewing your facebook profile. What was so amazing about that is that it showed up someone I had never met. A young boy in England. It got me thinking. It got me wondering what would someone in another country ever find interesting in my facebook profile? How would my name come across to someone who has no clue of who I really am? Life is a series of unconnected dots... |
| Hello Sunshine, One of the hardest lessons I have learned in the past few years is to say NO. It is never easy for me to put my own needs before others. I was born to be the peace keeper. I like to do things as they come up. I am very spontaneous and I like that about me. One of the things that has hurt my spirit was Jackson's constant defiance of my free spirit. He never allowed me to fully express my needs. I always had to bend to his wishes. Yes, one would wonder if he was the boss, or parent. Anyway, he taught me a lesson. He forced me to look inside and see if I could bend. I can. I also know that when the time is there for me to be free, I can soar like a bird. Last night I put myself first. I stayed home and it felt great. I needed the down time. I don't feel the need to be out dating or socializing. I don't need to fill my life up with noise so I can't hear the peace in my soul. I deleted his number last night. I said goodbye and I mean it. Today is a new day. I get to work a few hours at the Art studio and I am so happy. Nothing beats work to make me feel good about myself. I never really wanted to work. I always dreamed that I would be a stay-at-home mom and be content. I was for many years and my dreams did come true. Now when I do work it is fun, I get paid for something that I enjoy and it enriches my life in a million different ways. Yes, I am feeling the peace and love! Love, Michelle |
| Hello sunshine, Last nights painting was a disaster. I am not good with abstract painting. I think I am more of a landscape artist. I like my picture to resemble something. I am sure my picture was suppose to resemble a wine glass with wine flowing in it. Only I think it looks like something else! What that something else is...I am not so sure. Anyway, it was fun to paint with my sister and my niece. I love it when we can do something fun and relaxing together. I am feeling rather blessed today. It's only been one night without the kids and now I am ready for them to come back. They fill up my house with noise and I love that. I do enjoy the silence but nothing beats being a mom. I am so lucky. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Okay until my friends figure out that I am poor...I have to get around the many events in my life that cost money. I love my gal pals and don't want to miss out just because I am trying to budget. I have to come up with a plan. I know in the past, I normally save money for our trips. I can continue to do that. I also know that I have to look at the things I own. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the abundance in my life. I am surrounded by love. I have the most wonderful items decorating my home. I love art. I have so much color and joy in the items I have on display. I do feel content and it has taken me a long time to get here. I am grateful for my creative eye. I am sure that in time I will figure out my expenses and make sense of my life. I can't keep living on borrowed cash. Once the savings is gone, my life will change. I am good with change. It happens every single day. Love, Michelle |
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