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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... 
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| Hello my sunny pals, I find that the little joys in my life really add up! It's not always the biggest and best that makes me smile. It's the small successes. It's the small hello's and smiles. It's the randomness of life. I am in another place of transition. I see my son really needing me and for a few more years I can give him my full attention. Then I will back off and let someone else take the reins. I have to know that what I am doing, does count. I am not sure I am ready for today but I am awake. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that I am always in the right place at the right time. I guess that is going to be true for my career. I am at a cross roads and have a very hard decision to make. I know what is good for me in the long run...can I get it? What will happen if I say yes? If I say no...I continue on the same path that will not cover all my expenses. I need an intervention and I need it to happen soon. Dear God please bring me the answer I need. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well it would be nice if I could see you... It would be nice if you could shine your light on me and bring me some warmth. I miss you. I love having a great imagination and an active dream life. In my dreams I can say things I never got the chance. I can do things like jump over bridges, go super fast in cars, decorate big houses, make amends to those I hurt and swear like a sailor at those I wish I had to nerve to tell off. I wake up exhausted at times. I wake up feeling bad but I look at those dreams as my chance to get it right. a mini do-over. I am lucky that I have what I have. An active mind is a terrible thing to waste! Back to life, Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Just how flexible are you? Do you bend with the wind or get broken by the storm? I went on a job interview and they talked about being flexible on the job. I got that. I like variety. I like a set schedule but enjoy having a lot of different things to do. Like last night with Paint and Pour. I worked at the senior center again and ended up painting a picture with a sweet lady named Lois. It was fun and made me feel good to make someone smile. She said she couldn't see but I think she could. I think it was her way of having help and one on one attention. I know that the small amount of time I spend at the nursing center reminds me how to age gracefully. How important being social and embracing other people into my every day life. I need that. I am going to go out now and go study. I could study at home but need to be outside. I need to see people and feel part of something bigger. I am flexible in many ways. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have sunshine in my heart today. Well, I always have some kind of light shining but today it is real. I feel so blessed by life events. I don't want to be anything but happy. I want the peace in my soul to bubble up and make me proud of who I really am. Once again I have deleted my dating profile. I just can't handle it. I am not made for on-line dating. I just can't do it. I really don't care now if I am alone. I don't care because I know I won't be. I will find him. He will find me. I am on a journey. I am not ready for the trip to end. I want to keep finding out who I am and what I need in a partner. It's not really fair because for so many years I was content and happy with what I had. I don't know exactly what changed but it did. I suppose as my soul grew so did my needs. I am not going to beat myself up for expanding my mind and heart. I am grateful for the life I have. I love it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am taking the day for me. I am going to gather my wits about me and do something! I am tired of feeling so broken. I am not. It's a new day and a new way to communicate. Yesterday's wedding was fun and it renewed my spirit. I am living. I am not dead. I have a feeling that I am living for the first time. I am seeing myself in my true light. I am a good person with a great heart and I will attract what I need and what is good for me. God loves me. He loves every inch of my body and soul. He see's my struggles and he gives me more. He trust me. He blessed me with a rich and loving heart. I feel so lucky. I am a mom. I have two amazing and wonderful kids. Thank you! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I get to work today. I love that I am a wedding coordinator for my church. It's the coolest job. I am not thrilled that I have to arrive 3 hours before to open up the church and let the florist in. I know it's going to be a very long day for me. Still, I will be surrounded by happy people. I love that. I am so thrilled to share in something that is meaningful and exciting. It's a nice contrast from my day to day work. I love my job as a therapist but it's not always rainbows and sunshine. I don't work with that type of client. Oh I do crack myself up. I am glad I can laugh. That is a good sign that I am healthy and getting repaired. I am not over him. I am hurt and will be for a long time but I can find joy and that helps. I am going to get out of this funk and have an awesome day! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, If April showers bring May flowers what does April snow bring? COLD! If I could live some place else I would. It would be 70 to 80 every day with endless sunshine, no bugs and sweet kids. Yes...I am on my way! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I only have myself to blame. I couldn't speak my mind. I couldn't stand up for myself and I let guilt, fear, and panic rule my judgment. I suppose in the end this is the kind of thing I needed. I needed to be forced to change. I can't let other people dictate my life. I have to have some power and control. I realize I don't have much but I can control how I feel and think. The money will come. The self-respect is here. I have what my kids need, now I have to take care of me. Please continue to love yourself. I know that I am depressed but he can't win. He can't pull my spirit down, only I can do that. I am more powerful and amazing then this! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It's all going to change today. I am going to roar like a lion and sit like a lamb. I am not going to leave without getting something more for me. I am tired of being controlled by his money and my emotions. I am a good person. I am doing the best I can. I will ask for what I need. Something is going on with my son and I am always his target. It is getting old and it has to stop. Please God, help me find my way. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I am deep into a PTSD moment. I had a nightmare last night that sent chills down my spine. It's so funny how our memories try to protect us but when we least expect it something can come back and haunt us. It was the sound of my father's anger. It was this explosive moment that got out of control and I could feel the fear creep through my entire body. Laying in my peaceful bed alone. Wondering how I was going to control a raging fire all by myself. In my dream and real life I didn't do anything. I just took it in. I let the feelings ride over me and I moved on. I can not stop a storm. I can get out of the way to avoid being hurt but I can't stop it. Maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn or understand with Jackson. I can't stop the storm that is his emotions. I can try to avoid the fire but I can't control it once it starts. I would love to get to that place were I could help him control it. I know he is hurting. I can see his fear and disappointment in himself. I still feel like I am the trigger and something has to change. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I keep thinking I am going to get my life back in order and then shit hits the fan. I don't understand it. I don't think I ever will. Another 10 days from school. Another shocking display of anger. I am not sure what I keep doing wrong but it has to stop. I have to find the solution because this is getting old and I am tired. I am want my life back and a child I can be proud off. I am going back to bed! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sweet & sunny pals, I didn't want to write yesterday because I wasn't in a good mood. I prayed all night that I would find peace and I have. I also had a really strange dream so I know my thoughts are not on point yet. I am a work in progress and I need to remind myself that Jackson is too. I am so tired of it. I know it's hard to stay strong and the negative can take over so fast, but I have to stop the madness. I am tired of the swear words and fighting. I am tired of feeling like a punching bag. I need things to change. One moment at a time they do! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I so need therapy. It helps me with the heavy feelings I carry. It helps me feel good about myself and best of all it gives me a road map to travel. I love when I can do that for my clients. I know how important a good therapist can be. It's also why I can see it is time for my son to change doctors. He needs a new set of eyes and ears. I want to get a second opinion. I know that something is not right with Jackson. I know it's time for a medication change but he also needs something more. I wish I had to resources to help him find his joy and light. I am going out tonight to paint. That will help me recharge and should be able to give me a fresh outlook. It's so not easy being me, but I can't imagine anyone who could do it better! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It has come to my attention that I need to work on myself. I have been running long enough. Using everything as an excuse to hide my energy. It's not easy to work on yourself. If I am busy and taking care of everyone else then I don't have the time for me. Just the way I used to like it. Only I can't keep doing that anymore. I need to change my routine. It's not working anymore and I need to make changes. Not only in my thinking but my doing as well. I am cleaning out the closets. I am letting go of the negative that is not working for me. I am worth more. I can have more and I will get it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my Michigan buddies, I am not even into Basketball. I just love Michigan. I couldn't watch the ending of the game because I could feel the shift in the score and I didn't want to see my team lose. Oh, I know you would call that weak. I am. I am a sensitive girl and I have to listen to my gut. When she tells me to stop. I have to stop. If only I could understand her emotions better. I am weak when it comes to a pretty boy. I cried so hard yesterday I thought I was going to get sick. Jackson shared something with us yesterday that broke my heart. He has been having nightmares of killing himself. Every single night he said he sees himself dead. He is 11 years old. He told the Doctor that he has been feeling this way sense he was 7 years old and the doctor has never been able to help him. He bugged us to stop loving him and let him go. He wants to get out of the nightmare. I don't think he wants to be dead. I think he wants the pain to stop. I want to shower him with love and light. I want to give him life. I want him to see the beauty in everything. He has to find his joy. I am scared but also confident that now that he shared his nightmares I can help him. I have to know what I am dealing with. It's the silence that can be deadly. He is talking because he wants a way to live. I can handle this! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Living in Shellyville hasn't always been easy for me. I know that I have made some mistakes and am trying my best to move out of my fantasy world and into the real one. I would like to find a balance of both. Change is hard. It can suck the life out of ya. I don't always understand how I have to keep moving on but I do. I find my strength. I get my way. I am naïve about a lot of things. I refuse to live my life jaded or scared. I refuse to think the worst. It's not healthy for me. I have to believe in the best. I want it for me and for you. My friend is out of jail. I said goodbye to him. It's better for me if we remain long distance friends. I don't have room in my life for another person's serious problems. I need healthy men in my life. I know what I want and like and I will get it. My thoughts will bring me closer to my dreams. I am happy. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, My sweet little sunshine has returned. Her trip to Florida is over and now she is back with me! I love my mini me and really missed her while she was gone. I feel so blessed to be her mom. I love my life! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, My heart is going to be just fine. I just have to give it time to heal. I need more time to compose my emotions. I am a sensitive soul. I have been giving for so long and now it's time to get what I need. It's really not easy to express my hurt. I keep a lock and key on the true core of myself. I know I am not ready to give up and stop believing in love. I only need time to heal and I will be loved. I already am. I am constantly surrounded by loving and wonderful friends. I attract what is good and needed in my life. I will get past this pain and enjoy the sun. Love, Michelle "Now I know I have a heart because it's breaking" Tin-Man |
| Hello my sunny pals, Ever been so close to crazy it's scary? I am not the sharpest tool in the crayon box but I know crazy! I know that something is not right when my alarm bells are going off. In order to save what little sanity I do own, I deleted my on-line dating profile. I came too close to scary pain. I am not a wimp but when something don't feel right. It must not be right!! All it took was one man to unleash his psycho control and it scared me silly. I'm not ready to be in any relationship that starts with fear. I am not going to put myself in any harms way for anyone. I don't care who you are or what you need from me. I rather live alone and safe then with a man that is unpredictable and angry or controlling. I have never been one to learn my lessons the easy way but at least I am learning them! This time around. I am the winner! Love, Michelle |
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