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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello Sunshine, If April showers bring May flowers what does April snow bring? COLD! If I could live some place else I would. It would be 70 to 80 every day with endless sunshine, no bugs and sweet kids. Yes...I am on my way! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I only have myself to blame. I couldn't speak my mind. I couldn't stand up for myself and I let guilt, fear, and panic rule my judgment. I suppose in the end this is the kind of thing I needed. I needed to be forced to change. I can't let other people dictate my life. I have to have some power and control. I realize I don't have much but I can control how I feel and think. The money will come. The self-respect is here. I have what my kids need, now I have to take care of me. Please continue to love yourself. I know that I am depressed but he can't win. He can't pull my spirit down, only I can do that. I am more powerful and amazing then this! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It's all going to change today. I am going to roar like a lion and sit like a lamb. I am not going to leave without getting something more for me. I am tired of being controlled by his money and my emotions. I am a good person. I am doing the best I can. I will ask for what I need. Something is going on with my son and I am always his target. It is getting old and it has to stop. Please God, help me find my way. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Well I am deep into a PTSD moment. I had a nightmare last night that sent chills down my spine. It's so funny how our memories try to protect us but when we least expect it something can come back and haunt us. It was the sound of my father's anger. It was this explosive moment that got out of control and I could feel the fear creep through my entire body. Laying in my peaceful bed alone. Wondering how I was going to control a raging fire all by myself. In my dream and real life I didn't do anything. I just took it in. I let the feelings ride over me and I moved on. I can not stop a storm. I can get out of the way to avoid being hurt but I can't stop it. Maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn or understand with Jackson. I can't stop the storm that is his emotions. I can try to avoid the fire but I can't control it once it starts. I would love to get to that place were I could help him control it. I know he is hurting. I can see his fear and disappointment in himself. I still feel like I am the trigger and something has to change. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I keep thinking I am going to get my life back in order and then s*** hits the fan. I don't understand it. I don't think I ever will. Another 10 days from school. Another shocking display of anger. I am not sure what I keep doing wrong but it has to stop. I have to find the solution because this is getting old and I am tired. I am want my life back and a child I can be proud off. I am going back to bed! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sweet & sunny pals, I didn't want to write yesterday because I wasn't in a good mood. I prayed all night that I would find peace and I have. I also had a really strange dream so I know my thoughts are not on point yet. I am a work in progress and I need to remind myself that Jackson is too. I am so tired of it. I know it's hard to stay strong and the negative can take over so fast, but I have to stop the madness. I am tired of the swear words and fighting. I am tired of feeling like a punching bag. I need things to change. One moment at a time they do! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I so need therapy. It helps me with the heavy feelings I carry. It helps me feel good about myself and best of all it gives me a road map to travel. I love when I can do that for my clients. I know how important a good therapist can be. It's also why I can see it is time for my son to change doctors. He needs a new set of eyes and ears. I want to get a second opinion. I know that something is not right with Jackson. I know it's time for a medication change but he also needs something more. I wish I had to resources to help him find his joy and light. I am going out tonight to paint. That will help me recharge and should be able to give me a fresh outlook. It's so not easy being me, but I can't imagine anyone who could do it better! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It has come to my attention that I need to work on myself. I have been running long enough. Using everything as an excuse to hide my energy. It's not easy to work on yourself. If I am busy and taking care of everyone else then I don't have the time for me. Just the way I used to like it. Only I can't keep doing that anymore. I need to change my routine. It's not working anymore and I need to make changes. Not only in my thinking but my doing as well. I am cleaning out the closets. I am letting go of the negative that is not working for me. I am worth more. I can have more and I will get it. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my Michigan buddies, I am not even into Basketball. I just love Michigan. I couldn't watch the ending of the game because I could feel the shift in the score and I didn't want to see my team lose. Oh, I know you would call that weak. I am. I am a sensitive girl and I have to listen to my gut. When she tells me to stop. I have to stop. If only I could understand her emotions better. I am weak when it comes to a pretty boy. I cried so hard yesterday I thought I was going to get sick. Jackson shared something with us yesterday that broke my heart. He has been having nightmares of killing himself. Every single night he said he sees himself dead. He is 11 years old. He told the Doctor that he has been feeling this way sense he was 7 years old and the doctor has never been able to help him. He bugged us to stop loving him and let him go. He wants to get out of the nightmare. I don't think he wants to be dead. I think he wants the pain to stop. I want to shower him with love and light. I want to give him life. I want him to see the beauty in everything. He has to find his joy. I am scared but also confident that now that he shared his nightmares I can help him. I have to know what I am dealing with. It's the silence that can be deadly. He is talking because he wants a way to live. I can handle this! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Living in Shellyville hasn't always been easy for me. I know that I have made some mistakes and am trying my best to move out of my fantasy world and into the real one. I would like to find a balance of both. Change is hard. It can suck the life out of ya. I don't always understand how I have to keep moving on but I do. I find my strength. I get my way. I am naïve about a lot of things. I refuse to live my life jaded or scared. I refuse to think the worst. It's not healthy for me. I have to believe in the best. I want it for me and for you. My friend is out of jail. I said goodbye to him. It's better for me if we remain long distance friends. I don't have room in my life for another person's serious problems. I need healthy men in my life. I know what I want and like and I will get it. My thoughts will bring me closer to my dreams. I am happy. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, My sweet little sunshine has returned. Her trip to Florida is over and now she is back with me! I love my mini me and really missed her while she was gone. I feel so blessed to be her mom. I love my life! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, My heart is going to be just fine. I just have to give it time to heal. I need more time to compose my emotions. I am a sensitive soul. I have been giving for so long and now it's time to get what I need. It's really not easy to express my hurt. I keep a lock and key on the true core of myself. I know I am not ready to give up and stop believing in love. I only need time to heal and I will be loved. I already am. I am constantly surrounded by loving and wonderful friends. I attract what is good and needed in my life. I will get past this pain and enjoy the sun. Love, Michelle "Now I know I have a heart because it's breaking" Tin-Man |
| Hello my sunny pals, Ever been so close to crazy it's scary? I am not the sharpest tool in the crayon box but I know crazy! I know that something is not right when my alarm bells are going off. In order to save what little sanity I do own, I deleted my on-line dating profile. I came too close to scary pain. I am not a wimp but when something don't feel right. It must not be right!! All it took was one man to unleash his psycho control and it scared me silly. I'm not ready to be in any relationship that starts with fear. I am not going to put myself in any harms way for anyone. I don't care who you are or what you need from me. I rather live alone and safe then with a man that is unpredictable and angry or controlling. I have never been one to learn my lessons the easy way but at least I am learning them! This time around. I am the winner! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have finally found my courage. I am now at that place that everything is coming together and it is making sense. I am not caught up in some fantasy romance. Wow, it sure is nice to be back among the living. I use fantasy to grow. I use it to escape pain and rejection. Of course, it does usually create more problems for me in the long run. I just don't look at it that way honestly. When I come through on the other side that is when I get it. I get that I needed the break and I am stronger for having taken the long way around. I am going to be okay with my transitions. It's not like I am in a huge hurry. I finally arrived. I am going to take it one day at a time. It's been one long and lovely year. I love it here. I love what I am creating in my life. I am proud of the road I have traveled. I am still half way to my full goal of being me. I will get to my destination. I have not gone too far off that path that I can't find my way home. I am walking! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Okay I have to admit I forgot how bad Internet dating sites can be. I totally forgot that a pretty women like me has to be CAREFUL. Not only do I have to be smart, witty, and attractive. I also have to read past the bs and not offend anyone. I am not so graceful with that one yet. I am all about good karma. I feel bad to reject someone based on looks. It's just that I am not going to lie to myself. Honey I am not that shallow but honest. If I don't like the way you look, how am I going to sit across the table and seem interested? You know we are basic creatures and looks as shallow as it sounds are important. SO once I determine that I can handle the way they look, the conversations start. Only it turns out that I have to know within 2 words if I want to date that person. Whatever happened to getting to know someone before you agree to meet? Umm....Okay maybe the fact that your freaking out about dating me is not a good sign? I have much to learn and I like it. I am not doing anything more important at the moment. Okay that is a total lie and I should and need to be studying for my exam. I will. I am not going to get caught up in the crazy...Well, maybe just a little. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Did your momma ever tell you to be careful for what you wish for? That your thoughts are powerful and can bring about your reality? I know for a fact that I create my reality. I also know that pretending is not healthy for me. I can't make someone be ready when they are not. So I am out looking again. I think it started out as an April's fool joke on myself. I just need the reassurance that I am a good catch. I know I am beautiful, smart, and funny. But am I worth someones time? I like to think I am, now I just have to find someone who is worth mine! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Mother Nature is up to her old tricks. A little snow flurries after yesterday's amazing warmth. You have to love her as the number one tease in the world! I must get some of my playfulness from her! I want to be fooled into believing in love. I have this really strange feeling of being caged in. I am in serious need of some work or real play. This in between stuff is killing my soul. I need adventure and to get my son off the couch! I want to go do something but he keeps telling me NO! I need a day off with lots of laughs. Maybe I can get one today!! Fool Me! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunny pals, What are the odds that my sister and her family would be in the same Florida city as my daughter and her friends family? And almost sharing the same spot on the beach? Yep, I am a little jealous to say the least. I guess my day in the sun will come. All in good timing. Jackson and I are going out to brunch and will find our own destiny beach today. It's all in how you look at it! Happy Easter!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Have you ever colored a picture the wrong color? Is there even a wrong color? I am about to find out. I am meeting Annie today at the art studio and she wants to paint a yellow bunny. Not a pink bunny or a brown one. I am not sure why yellow but I can't wait to find out. I feel yellow and sunny myself. I am happy today and at peace with life. I have a long way to go to get my courage back and really roar my needs but I am on the right path. At least now I recognize my weakness. I see what needs to change and I am praying that those changes occur. It's one day at a time. I am loving this sudden spring weather and the sweetness of Easter. Maybe I should paint my bunny yellow too! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It's almost beginning to look like Spring. It's been a long time coming. The ground is still frozen and we have a couple months yet to go until the real buds arrive. I love this season of renewal. It's so good for the soul to rebound and rejoice. I believe Easter and hope come right when I need it most. I have always loved the tradition of the Easter season. It never changes how it makes me feel. I am grateful for that. I feel content this year. Sure that all that comes my way is part of my renewal and plan. It's all good! Love, Michelle |
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