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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello my sunny pals, How many part time jobs can one person have? I know that right now I should be looking for full time employment but I love all my part time jobs and am about to pick up a third job. I was asked if I would be interested in being a wedding coordinator. I would love it! I have a very open and flexible schedule. I love "love" and all the joy and stress that comes with planning a wedding. Hey I might even get some potential new clients. LOL For me I see it as an opportunity to give back, have fun, and maybe make a little extra cash on the side. I am open to it and hopefully it will work out and that they will give the position to me. You never know! Happy Monday! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, How can I go to the grocery store with three kids and still come home with no bread? I get totally distracted when I shop with my kids. I had them running around the store and picking up items but still we managed to miss the bread. Maybe it was my silent protest to being upset that Wonder Bread is no longer available. I mean is there another soft white bread like Wonder bread? If so my kids want to know!! Dang it's not a big deal but I am a small percent brand loyal and get bummed when things discontinue. Oh well, life goes on! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I see a change coming and I knew this day was going to happen. I knew a child with his degree of problems could not be "fixed" in a week. I don't know what to do or how to make the changes but I know they need to come. For me personally, I said Goodbye to Him. I had no choice but to delete some of the negative energy in my life. If I am not going to be loved the way I need to be loved then I don't want to be messed with. It was never going to work and I knew it but dang I am going to miss him. I missed him last night. I miss him now. It's going to take me some time to move on but I will. I will toss myself out to the sea and see what I can catch. Let the flirting begin! Love, Michelle |
| Hello, Power and control and I am losing it. I don't have much to begin with right now but it sure is slipping away. I was in a 2 hour meeting this morning with Jackson's school and they sure do love that kid. They have put in place many options to help him, now if he could only learn to help himself. I don't think he is "improved" or better or anywhere close to getting back to understanding what his role in life is about. I still see the defiance and absolute refusal to get it. It's damn scary what is happening and I am a huge part of the problem. I totally lost my cool again with him today. I seriously need a higher dose of happy pills. I have to get my personal life in order. I have to get security. I have to figure out what my role in life is about. I am slowly making improvements but it sure takes a long time to grow up!! I am working it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, When I moved out of the house I left behind several boxes some furniture and my amazing Christmas collection of purple tubs. Several purple tubs. Now that Christmas season is looming near I am thinking about those tubs and if I want to move them here. I don't have the room for 10 tubs. I don't have the heart not to have my decorations either. I am torn between loving what I have and leaving behind my favorite Christmas items. I know I will bring them all over here and open every single one and only put out half of what I have. I know I have too much. I know I do. I love everything to do with the season of Christ. I have been collecting Santa's and snowmen for years. I have things from when I was a little girl and some of my mom's favorite items. I love the holiday's and really want to get back to the joy of celebrating and entertaining this year. I will be hosting a few parties and I am excited. I am starting to feel a lightness and joy in my heart. It sure helps that Jackson is out of the hospital!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I live with unrealistic expectations. I live with a fantasy dream life that I cannot maintain and it's freaking me out! I want my dreams to come true. I want the happy ending and the never ending love story. I want you to understand my emotions. I want you to understand that my son is the life of my soul. I want you to realize that when he is hurting, so am I. I don't know how to deny you access to my heart. I will have to find a way to build my walls up once again. I am going into hiding. I am not going to be vulnerable when I am in this kind of pain. I might have thin walls but I have a hard head! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I love a good night sleep! I went to bed early and stayed in bed all night. Trust me, that is a big deal right now. I don't sleep well when I am worried so to get a good night sleep was like getting a gift of gold. I let my mind and my worries go. I did have some strange and interesting dreams but nothing too bizarre to wake me up! I often wonder about the strange symbolism in my dreams but figure it's there to either teach me a lesson or give me an idea of what's coming. I am not sure I am ready for what is coming! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I won't get to see Jackson now for another 4 days. I am not all that happy about it but I understand he needs to get well and he can't do that if he is stopping his progress for family visits. Still, he is only 11 years old and I miss him. I miss him and I love him. I want him to get better but dang it. I also want him in my loving arms. I can't protect him anymore and he is growing up! Ugg is this what they call growing pains? I need to keep myself extremely busy this week so I don't freak out. Man I will be doing lots of praying!! Have a wonderful day and love with all your heart! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Yes, today is my birthday but I am not in the mood for celebrating. In fact I don't understand the way I feel at all. I have always loved my birthday and am grateful for my life. I don't know how to be happy when my son is in the hospital. He is in Havenwyck and it was 6 years ago when he was diagnosed with Bipolar. It has been some of the best and worst years of my life. I have seen a mental illness change a life. It has been a wonderful ride but lately the road for Jackson was getting dark and ugly and he needed help. I don't mind that he is where he needs to be. What bothers me is that he even has to be there in the first place. I was never given enough wishes. I would have wished this all away. I would have done something different. I don't know what but if I could have speared Jackson I would have. I will try to find peace today. I am not going to celebrate. I am not going to party or have much fun. I will just stay calm until I can visit Jackson for an hour tonight. I am lucky that I even get to see him today! Thank you God for my life and the love I have in it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Happy Thanksgiving! I am so grateful this year for my family and friends. I am so happy that I can celebrate this day with my sisters. I look forward to my sister Nan cooking our Thanksgiving dinner. She has been doing it for almost 20 years, maybe even longer. I love it and let the food coma begin! Happy Thanksgiving! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am not sure I can contain my worry anymore. I am not sure that I can keep pretending everything is okay. I want it to be. I wish it was. I can only do so much with my thoughts. Jackson needs help that I can't give him. He needs a place to go so he can have intensive therapy. Some place safe and secure and able to address his anger and power and control issues. I can talk to him all I want but he is not hearing me anymore. He needs something different. All I ask God is that you can provide an answer that will help us. I need some serious direction. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Have you ever been told you look famous? That someone knows you but you have no idea who they are? It has been happening to me a lot recently and I am not sure why. In a variety of different ways strangers have been telling me they know me. It's been kind of odd. I am not famous. My picture is not all over the Internet. (well kinda it is) but still, it's not that I have a public image. I think it's my personality. I must have one of those smiles or looks that is friendly. I like that. I am going to have to see if I can make some money off of that some way! It's all good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am not sure why I get so cranky sometimes. I seem to be a little on the edgy side and it's not fun. I need to let go of the things I am worrying about. It's not like I can make things change. I can only go with the flow. Most of this is about my expectations and disappointment. I am upset with him and letting it get me down. I have to let him go. I have to move on to my happy place. It's all good and the love in my heart will be rewarded with more love! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I just went to a documentary screening called I AM. It was an amazing movie about the world and how our basic compassion and empathy is what changes and rules the world. I am part of the problem as well as part of the solution. I am the agent of change. I am the love. I am a positive agent of love. I give and give. I don't ever want to change what I have inside. I am lucky to be here living the life I want and having all I need. Love is the greatest gift you will ever give your heart. Love, Michelle |
| Hi I don't have much to say. My mind is still numb. I think too much, feel too much and react too much. I need a little break and will take it tonight when I go paint. I am going back to bed... Jackson got a new drug called Fanapt. I don't have a clue what it is or what to expect. Lovely! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, Do you think that I can pull myself together? I started my coffee but forgot to turn the machine on. I am not fully awake and I have been up for hours. I think that all that is going on is blocking my senses. I took Jackson to the therapist but not before I had to get a release from the school. Oh man that boy has been one wild animal recently. I have never seen him like this and all his teachers are very worried for him. I don't know what to do. He is out of control and yes we need a medication change and a good mood stabilizer but getting his doctor to prescribe something is taking forever. It's freaking me out. He needs something and NOW! You know this is going to sound petty and not very nice but I finally see Brian dealing with it. He has Jackson this week and he keeps calling me and asking me to "watch" Jackson. I am kind of busy right now so I have had to say I can't. I need to stay busy! I need to see Brian getting exhausted. I need to see Brian upset and tired. I am sorry but how do you think that felt for me? I was like that for years and you worked and ignored me. I know it's not fair. I know that I have to let go of some of my past resentment and anger. It's not healthy to hang on to things that are upsetting. Still, there seems to be some kind of sick satisfaction in knowing that he has to deal with him. I am not always a vindictive person and this isn't really even about that. It's about him having the opportunity to really understand what it is like to be with Jackson when he is out of control and your helpless. I think it's healthy for Brian and even good for Jackson. I can't always be the center of the storm. I love them both and want to see them come to some understanding. I want to see a solution and I am also happy to finally get the break that I deserve. Now if only Jackson could get the break that he deserves!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, How much Peace do you need in your life? I personally need a lot of peace! I look at peace as being the calm in my stormy heart. It's were I go to feel safe and at ease in my decisions. Peace lies in my heart and mind. It is the center of my being and the way I can relate best to my life. I need it for living. I need it for being able to relate well to others. I need it for sleep. When I am at peace I don't worry. I don't stress over things that are beyond my control. I am not worried that my income doesn't pay my bills. I am not worried that Jackson will get so far out of control that I won't be able to help him. I am not worried that the man I have been dating is not going to be here in a year. I know that life goes on. I know that I am a passing star. I am filled with love. I know that what I need is being filled with my love of God and the peace he gives my soul. I am at peace because I believe in peace. I believe that being calm and centered has kept me on my path of growth. How much peace do you need? Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am being pushed by my kid to over react and take action. I am being told that no amount of discipline is going to work and I agree. I think it is way past discipline. I think it's time for a whole new scare tactic approach. What that is going to be will have to be determined by my fear. I am just not sure logic is needed here anymore. If this isn't my childhood all over again, I am not sure what is. I can see this mental health pattern unfolding and I don't like it. When a person gets inside the tornado of a bipolar rage, nothing is able to reach the storm. I have been on the receiving end of that one too many times. It's time to fight it with chemicals and authority. I hate it but if we don't step in now, we are going to lose him. Everyone says I should just give him some pot to smoke and calm his ass down. If only it was that simple. It's not. I want him to be motivated by life and to have choices. I also want a safe and happy child. Dear God, please keep us all safe. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I don't think I could ever be excused from loving men. I am not ever going to get too old to appreciate the opposite sex. I love MEN! I grew up appreciating my father and brothers. I loved my male friends. I loved my relationships. I still do. I might be single and have been trying to find myself during this transition into womanhood. I am doing it alone. I have had the steady support of my male friendships and I need my guys to keep me on track. However, I have learned one very tough lesson lately and that is not every male friend is going to like who I pick to date. There seems to be some unspoken code that every guy I date has to be "better" than my friends. He has to treat me better, look better, act better etc. etc... They seem to have some higher standard than I have for myself. I think it is kind of cool but totally unrealistic. I am not looking for perfection. I am looking for someone I can relate too and love. I am looking for that unspoken bond that my friends won't get but I do. I love my friends. I love that they care and want what is best for me. The fun part is that I am still trying to find out exactly what that is and I am not ruling out the bad boy, the ex-con, the biker dude, the construction worker, the vet, and the nice guy. I want to love and meet them all! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I am in a good place even if I am still worried about my emotions. I got a break yesterday with my gal pals. I was able to laugh like a kid again. I hung out with Brenda all day at her craft show and then later that night I went out to dinner with Ann, Kris and Mary. I was able to fill my entire day with laughter and joy. I am at peace because I have wonderful friends that know how to spoil me when I am down. Life is good! Love, Michelle |
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