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The place to be for positive reinforcements! |
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Hello My Sunny Pals, Welcome back to Shellyville.... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hello my sweet friends, I have a busy day planned and I am excited! I went out yesterday early to work and I didn't get home until 1 a.m. I can't even remember the last time I was out so late. You know the best part was walking home! I walked downtown to work, stayed downtown all night, and then walked home in the bitter coldness. The sky was so clear you could see the super bright stars. No traffic and no noise. I just love a night like that. Of course, it did help that I had bundled up and I like walking fast! Now, it's a new day and I am spending it with some girl friends and a trip to the grocery store! Lucky me!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I need to start this day with positive energy. I said my prayers. I have high expectations that something wonderful is going to happen today! I get to work at the Paint and Pour for a kids class today and I am really excited. I love the energy that is going to surround me today. I love it and need it. I will bring my best and share my creative love. Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, It's snowing! Just enough to cover the ground and look pretty! I have no idea if it will stick around for Christmas but it sure is wonderful! It helps me feel blessed and right now I need to really connect with that feeling. I need to connect to my inner love. I have been struggling with Jackson for so long that I am getting worn thin. I am losing my own inner beauty and strength. It's not very often that I get depleted but I am. I have read in a few places that I need to go "looking" for love. Well I don't agree. I believe love finds you, you just have to be open to it when it arrives. I am also open to trying something new with Jackson. I think everything that I have done in the past is no longer working. Sebi said I need to "out crazy" him. I kind of agree with that but I also think it's time to teach Jackson some new tricks of his own. I found a company in Ann Arbor that does biofeedback. I think it will help him. I am praying for a Christmas miracle. I am praying for a way for God to reach inside Jackson and pull out his goodness. He is a good boy and he needs to remember that, believe it, and act it! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, What I need is some good advice so I found it this morning in my horoscope.... Push yourself beyond what you can see -- choose a direction and keep moving! Your belief in yourself is all it takes to move past this time of confusion and unhappiness. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny friends, Savanna is 15 years old today! I still can't believe it. She has graced my life with 15 fun and wonderful years. I learn more and more about myself through her eyes. She has a heart of gold and a soul from Heaven! She is the best gift of all Christmas's. I am so lucky to be her mom! Thank you sweetie for picking me! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny friends, I love this time of year! I always bake cookies and make fudge. I wish my kids were off school this week. It would be fun to have them here to get ready for Christmas. I remember the years when they would get off a few days before and they were so excited. I hope by Friday they start to show some excitement. It's been different being in my apartment but I love it. I asked Brian to come over last night to help me with Jackson and he was awesome about getting him to calm down and take a shower. I think what is really saving our sanity is that we don't live together and that we get a break from each other and the kids. It still is funny how well we all communicate. I am so lucky. I have the life I need. I have everything and I am so blessed. I cried so much yesterday. I cried for all those mothers that lost their children. I cried because I lost my Mom and Dad. I miss my parents. I miss the way it felt to be loved by them. I make a choice every day to find something more to love. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Do you ever wish you could start fresh? Make a new plan and start all over? I need too! I need to come up with new words. I am losing a battle that shouldn't even be a battle. It's hard to get my son to care about his body and hair. He hates taking showers and so I let him go to school dirty. Maybe just maybe some cute girl at school will tell him he needs to shower! Maybe some kind teacher will pull him aside and say something. All I know is that I am out of words. He doesn't hear me anymore. I have lost this battle so many times I am giving up! I won't give up forever, just taking a break for today! I think I will get back to loving Christmas again and bake some cookies today! It's all good! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, It's getting back to normal around here. I love that I don't have a TV. It's crazy to watch the news and not feel horrible as a parent. I have to find some way to make sense of it all. It bothers me that he suffered from a mental illness. It bothers me that he never received the true help he needed. Lord knows I go above and beyond to monitor my son's illness. It's like any other kind of illness, you have to watch it, keep it stabilized, and recognize when you need more help. I feel for all families that live with any kind of disorder. I am finding peace with the small things. I am going to be bake some awesome Christmas cookies with the kids today and we are all excited. Jackson said he was going to help me make them disappear in his stomach! What a sweet kid!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, My niece said that I was easily entertained. I laugh too much and that I am way too much fun to be with! I love her! We had a blast painting our picture and my sister Dominica was a riot. You know doing something unexpected with family is a nice way to get out of a rut and have some holiday fun! I wish I could take my kids to the Toledo zoo tonight. I really want to go see the holiday lights. I can't seem to get them interested in what I want to do. Plus, I do have to get up very early tomorrow for my girls conference in Detroit. Oh well, I can dream. I seem to be very good at that. This is my favorite time of year to dream big! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sweet friends, I am so content. I am going painting tonight with my sister Dominica and my niece Ashley. We are going to be painting a picture called the walk of fire and it's a street scene with awesome colors and lights. I can't wait. I get so excited when it's time to paint something cool. I had a meeting with Dennis yesterday and he is putting me in charge of the Paint and Pour kids classes. I will be helping Dana, the artist come up with designs and also working the classes this summer. I have to figure out how in the world that is going to work around my other job at the church. All I can say is that is sounds awesome. I only wish the money was coming in now. I live my whole life for that "one day" and have yet to be able to afford it. I don't know what I am living on. My friend Don told me last week that I was "living on love" and he is right but I am not sure love is going to keep paying my bills. I have to make some serious changes in 2013. I need Jackson to get well so I can work full time. I have to reduce some of this stress. I knew it was going to be challenging with my new office but I never expected it to be this unsteady. I have goals and I have to make them happen! I love a challenge! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have to change the way I think. It's so easy to get caught up in negative energy. So I deleted my post about being worried. I deleted my thoughts about things I have no control over and changed my energy. I deleted something that wasn't important. I am starting over fresh and it feels good. I have to start with myself. I have to look at my own weaknesses and deal with them. If I have issues I have to address them. I am not looking outside anymore for what I need. I know I can own it on the inside of my heart. It's a good day to be happy. The sun is shining. I feel great and I know I am loved. It's all good!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Oh boy I love my life. I keep telling myself it will get better and it does. It's always the little things that add up and finding peace inside my soul this month. I have a hard time with my emotions around the holidays. It reminds me of my mom. She rocked the holidays. She gave her all, so that her family would always love it. I feel I do the same thing for my kids. I give my all. I bake my best. I decorate and purchase the best. I smile at strangers and give holiday cheer! I also feel a deep sadness that gets pulled out of my bones at this time of year. A strange longing to go back to the past and be innocent again. To feel blessed by angels and the spirit of Jesus. I cry at church. I cry at silly commercials I even cried watching Rudolph. Yeah, I am that kind of sappy this time of year. I haven't even watched Miracle on 34th Street or It's a Wonderful Life. Those two will put me over the edge for sure! Next week Savanna turns 15 and I know I am going to be crying that day! It's just all the joy is packed into one month. WOW 2013 is going to be a relief! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I asked him what he wanted and he said "Patience" It's the one stupid thing I suck at. It's the one talent or gift that I lack. I am not proud of myself for lacking patience. It's just that I am honest. I have never been good for waiting for what I want. I guess if it's meant to be than I can wait. I can put my emotional needs on the back burner? Well...Can I? I honestly don't know if I can. I don't want to hurt him but he is hurting me. I don't want to wait for something that might never come and at the same time I might lose something of value that I don't want to lose. I don't know what to trust. My heart or my gut or my silly wishful thinking? In the end I have to be true to myself. In the end I can't change for someone if I can't change for myself. I don't understand it. It's like we are the odd couple. I can't stop loving and he can't love enough. I need to ask myself what I really want and why I am willing to give patience a try. Because if I can't give patience a try then I know this is goodbye, and I am not ready for good bye!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Thank you for your views. Thank you for keeping me here. For visiting me and letting me know that I need to write. I need Writing.com way more than it would ever need me. After six years you would think I would have got my full. I am not so sure about that. I don't think I ever will. It's about being read. It's having something to say and knowing that someone somewhere is interested and reading what I have written. I don't know who that "stranger" friend is but I am oh so grateful! You are the hidden spice in my life. You are my missing muse at the moment. I need to get back to poetry. I haven't been inspired but I need to be. I need to dig deep and listen to my heart. The words will come. Thank you for believing in me! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I remember a time when it would rain in December and it would turn to snow. Lot's of heavy white beautiful snow. I like snow in December. In fact I think that might be the only month I do like snow. I love a white Christmas. I wonder if we will get snow this winter or just more cold and gray skies. I painted my picture last night and it was fun but do you ever wish you were with someone else when your with someone? Like your missing? I had this feeling like I was out with the wrong person. It was a strange feeling. I don't often get that way. I like the company I keep. I think at this time of year I get too emotional. I get caught up in old dreams and childish wishes. I want something else than what I have. I am sure that is very normal but it is bothering me today. I have to get up and get busy I have a seminar to go to and later I get to hang out with Jackson. I wish I could help him with his own emotions. I don't have the strength but I will find it. I also do! Love, Michelle |
| Hello Sunshine, I am going to paint tonight and I can hardly wait! I love being creative but most of all I love getting out of the house! It's been a long week and I wonder when I am ever going to work. Honestly, my life is too unstructured at the moment. I need a full time job and not all these part time jobs and holy cow the one at the church is going to be a TON of work but so fun!! I guess it's a good thing I don't really have a life cuz my weekends are going to be a little full in the new year. I am looking forward and know that when 2013 arrives I will be ready and willing to accept all my changes and new directions. I am going into the new year with an open mind and heart. I love with all my heart and I am going to paint with every color tonight! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, I have the hardest job in the world and that is parenting a scared child. It is so hard to know what to say and do that can keep his mind safe. This morning we had a meeting with his psychiatrist and dang it wasn't pretty! He mentioned that we have gone through a long list of mood stabilizers and with poor results. If this next round doesn't work Jackson is looking at Residential school. Which is basically sending him away because we can't help him. Just doing 5 days in the residential program at Havenwyck was enough to freak him out. I thought he was going to have a heart attack this morning. I have never seen him look so scared and hopeless at the same time.It breaks my heart that we are trying to help him but he feels we are ganging up on him and that we don't love him. It's just the opposite. If we didn't care, none of this would hurt so much. It is the scariest feeling to know that as much as I love my son, I can't help him. It's time that he finds his inner strength and stability. Dear God, please bring Jackson the peace he needs to stay in school and at home. I can't imagine him leaving. I can't imagine it but I would do it but the fear of losing him would be so great. I am going to do everything I can to make sure that that never happens. Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, It's a cold December morning but the sun is shining. I wish I had some serious work to do but it looks like I am free for the day. I am going to plan my menu and clean up the place for my party on Sunday. I get to host the girls club Christmas party! I am so excited to share some laughs with my best friends! I am in need of some girly company. I have spent the last few weeks so worried and tense that I need to lighten up! I need to remind myself of what's really important and that is the amazing support system I have in my friends. It's my time to give back to them and spoil them with my love and attention. Yeah! I love my life!! Love, Michelle |
| Hello my sunny pals, Love is a wonderful gift. It comes from inside the heart and soul, it builds as you grow. It shows itself in happiness and peace. My love grows warmer in the winter. I love this time of year and to celebrate Jesus and the season of giving. I am a loving person. I carry an abundance of inner strength and beauty. I give my spirit away when I meet new people and I love meeting new people. I know that I am a giver. I am learning how to receive. Last night I was touched by a gift. It was the gift of the human spirit. It was given to me in a silent moment of connection. It was pure beauty and I am in awe of my luck. Sometimes the greatest moments come in silence. It will leave you with peace. Love, Michelle |
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