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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let Scarlett   know that a Blogger sent ya!Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| This landed in my mail today. I laughed. I hope you will, too: "The Family Feud A classic so funny, we just had to run it again... Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show Family Feud (Family Fortunes in the UK): Name something a blind person might use: a sword Name a song with moon in the title: blue suede moon Name a bird with a long neck: a penguin Name an occupation where you need a torch: a burglar Name a famous brother and sister: Bonnie and Clyde Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers: a horse Name something that floats in the bath: water Name something you wear on the beach: a deck chair Name something red: my cardigan Name a famous cowboy: Buck Rogers Name a famous royal: mail Name a number you have to memorize: 7 Name something you do before going to bed: sleep Name something you put on walls: roofs Name something in the garden that's green: a scarecrow Name something that flies that doesn't have an engine: dishes Name something you might be allergic to: skiing Name a famous bridge: the bridge over troubled waters Name something a cat does: goes to the toilet Name a continent: Italy Name something you do in the bathroom: decorate Name an animal you might see at the zoo: a dog Name something slippery: a con man Name a kind of ache: a pancake Name a food that can be brown or white: potato Name a potato topping: jam Name a famous Scotsman: Jock Another famous Scotsman: Vinnie Jones Name something with a hole in it: window Name a non-living object with legs: plant Name a domestic animal: leopard Name a part of the body beginning with 'N': knee Name a way of cooking fish: cod Name something you clean: your sister" And so it goes. It is rainy and dreary here today, the worst possible combination for those of us dealing with SAD. I've got things working, so it will be a heavy writing day for me. In the meantime, Remain in His Care! Budroe |
| Well, it's on to round #2! I have been asked by several former students, friends, and previous adventurers to consider creating an adventure for the Easter season. I found that my initial reaction was negative. We have just finished the Annual Advent Adventure-2010 Edition. It was a smashing success, based on the original concept and expectations of the adventurers. But, it was also a draining experience for me personally. Having 25 consecutive days of some rather intense personal involvement was an important commitment made. It took, I feel, its toll on everyone. I know that my personal life suffered much more than it needed to on the adventure. I was, at the end of the adventure, completely exhausted! I know the adventurers were, as well. Yet, it was so chock full of blessings, learning, growing and sharing that I found it to be one of the most satisfying times of my life. So, the thought stayed with me. Every request brought me inexorably closer to the decision I have recently made. Although I have made a personal commitment to writing no new words during the month of January, 2011, I have created the skeleton of a new Lenten Adventure. Titled: "Let Lent Live!", this adventure will take some fifty days to complete for the participants. Man, that just sounds like so very much work! I have made it easier on myself, at least in planning. But, the unique aspects of this particular adventure will require so very much more of me, and I am filled with doubt about my abilities. In order to be the success I believe it could be, I will have to have a ton of help. I don't know where that help will come from right now, and that makes me quite nervous! Yet, as we learned with the Annual Advent Adventure-2010 Edition, when we had done all we could, Dad showed up, showed off, and did all we could not possibly hope to do. I've put together a fact sheet for The Annual Lenten Adventure-2011 Edition. I was wondering: would you mind taking a look at it? I'd appreciate any constructive criticism you might offer for the success of this adventure--or even if you believe it impractical. You can find the fact sheet here . Comments and evaluations of the project are welcome, and coveted. In a recognition of my previous commitment, I am also watching the NFL playoffs while I write today. I truly do NOT have a favorite team in this year's playoffs, but I am leaning toward following the inclinationd of following Pittsburgh, in recognition of the home of my friend, and Sara's husband, Cedric. Go Steelers! Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| I feel relatively certain that I have been remiss in my duties to this Blog. You see, there has been something going on here for several weeks that I have not yet shared (I KNOW!) with you. As I am sure you know, I am living for the rest of my life by choice in South-Middle Tennessee (yes, it matters to those who constantly ask where I live--who are from here!), in the same community as my primary care giver, and HCA Sara. She and her husband, their son and daughter-in-law have not only been caring for me for some time, but have become my dear friends. I rent a house they own. Sara's son (the Doctor) is to be a new Daddy in early February of this year. More of that "identify the players" stuff later. This stuff has to do with the definite noun above, "house". Oi. It is a truly beautiful, carefully renovated, restored and maintained home. Notice the "maintained" part there, won't you? A few weeks ago, way back when the ground was not white, and Autumn leaves were wafting their way lazily to earth on a regular basis (and thereby earning the complete mistrust and angst of W.T., the self-designated house's watch-cat!), Sara's husband Cedric ("Ced" to his friends, of which I was one at that time...) showed up very early one morning to remove said leaves from the gutters of my house. He is a dedicated homeowner. Yus. The ladder was stored in an attached outbuilding which was, at one time, the room wherein the washer/dryer were housed. Renovations (Did I mention?) moved the appliances into the house-proper, with only the hot water heater remaining as sole guardian of the external copse of home-ownery. These days, the sole other occupant of said room/building is the extension ladder used by Ced to remove such leaves from said gutterage. The part of the house which is currently under discussion shares a wall with the smaller bedroom, otherwise known as the "middle room". Or, as we now refer to it, Sara's office. (Trust me, it matters!) It also shares a wall with my bedroom, and the closets for each. Some two weeks prior to Ced arriving for gutter duty, Sara made a passing comment towards my general direction, to wit: "What's that smell? Do you smell something?" To be fair, Sara has known for quite a long time that I do not possess a sense of smell. Therefore, we may safely deduce this to be a rhetorical statement. Yes, statement. Sara does not normally pose questions. Her statement told me that there was a smell, said smell was not normative, she could smell it, and was quite dispossessed of her senses that I could NOT smell it. But, I digress. Fast forward two weeks, and return with me to Cedric's arrival to the bent-tin brigade. Going out to attend his duties, I felt it rather out-of-round to see him back in the house in only a very few moments. Looking at me, he said, to wit: "Bud, we have a problem!" Okay. First you have to understand that in order for Cedric to announce there being a problem would require something along the lines of the sudden loss of earth's gravity. Cedric does not HAVE problems in the first place. He is completely coated in Teflon. He does not get upset, confrontational, or into "problems". When there is a need, he is always there providing it. For him to stop long enough to accept that a problem exists is a momentous occasion. I happen to know this from my time coming to know and truly admire and respect him. Got it? Secondly, when did I get roped into this rodeo? First and second stage rockets successfully fired, and expired. "We do?" "Yes, we do." Since that momentous day, some two weeks ago now, "we" has been dealing with this problem. "We" for the purpose of clarity has thus far involved some two-score OTHER individuals. Hopefully, the last of those persons will complete their part tomorrow. Here's a clue: Service Masters? Painters? Plumbers? Carpenters? Anything hitting your "Aha!" button? Yet? Oi. Me neither. I dint do NUFFIN'! It would seem the water heater, however, did do sumthin' all by its own self. It began to leak, into the non-drained floor of said room/building. When Ced opened the door, he was greeted not only with a stench reminiscent of the very worst cesspool in the world, and a puddle of several inches of rancid water--oh, no. Wait, there's more! It seems that mold had completely taken over the room, and all parts of it! Mold on the back wall, the side walls, and even the door itself to the point of bowing/bending said metallic door! Yes, MOLD! The back wall of that room is the side wall of two (2) closets inside the house which separate my bedroom from Sara's office, no less. This included two rear walls of said rooms, the entire closet in each room, and the ceilings! (I did learn where the entrance to the Attic of this house is, by the way. It's in the hallway! By the two bedrooms, but again I digress.) No wonder I was having trouble breathing! Especially at night, with the bedroom window (you know the one by the room where the water heater lives?) open. Nights here had gotten a bit cooler, and I tend to sweat heavily at night during my ever-so-strenuous sleeping time. Deconstruction, mold removal, furniture/wall/ceiling/door/kitty mold repellant/retardant/barrier, and reconstruction ensued, thanks largely to the up-to-date home owner's Insurance Policy on stand-by. (Always make CERTAIN yours is a RVP, NOT an ARP policy! RP=Replacement Value. Don't let 'em talk you into an Actual Replacement Policy, home owners!) Tonight promises to be the lowest temp of the entire season. Tomorrow, the new water heater and it's spiffy new digs will get the final coat of paint. The closets will get their shelves/hanging bars back, and I can get my clothes off the FLOOR! Everyone has been very respectful, and unbelievably capable during these difficult days. Needless to say, I have made new friends. (One wants me to have a Jack Russell mix puppy--one of the five he must find a home for quickly! Sara says I can't! Boooo, Sara! Kitties pee, too!) [Cue mad at Sara music!] Well yeah, but I rent it! What contract?? They ain't no schtinkin' Contract, much less no "Thou shalt have NO puppies!" clause. Fine. I'll move, then! Goodness knows, the traffic in and out of this place is unbelievable! I told him to wait on the gutters!! In His Care, Budroe |
| That is precisely how I have felt for much of this day. 19 shot. 5 dead on the scene, and one more at the hospital. A United States Congresswoman (the target, we are told), A United States Federal Judge, A City Council member, and a 9 year-old child are among the victims. Congresswoman Gabriella Gibbons has (at the moment) survived trauma surgery for a gunshot wound to the head, and the Surgeon, Dr. Peter Rhee is "cautiously optimistic" that she will survive. According to preliminary reports from the Pima County, Arizona Sheriff, two white males approached the group just as the Congresswoman's first post-election town meeting, an outdoor get-together in her district, was beginning. One of them, a 22 year old white male came up to Gibbons and immediately began shooting with a semi-automatic pistol. Nineteen persons were either slain or wounded. Two observers tackled the gunman, and the second male has not yet been found. The Congresswoman, entering her third term as the Democratic Representative for Arizona's 8th Congressional District (Tuscon) just this past Wednesday, is now fighting moment-by-moment for her life. Her husband, Captain Mark Kelly, an Astronaut scheduled to be the mission commander for the next and final Shuttle mission, is rushing to be by her side. Much praise is being given to the two tackling heroes, the entire Pima Medical Center Trauma team including her Doctor (and team leader), retired naval Commander Dr. Peter Rhee. The investigation is ongoing. The Sheriff gave much credence to the idea that the young gunman, possibly mentally "disturbed", listened frequently to ultra-conservative talk shows and other media. I must say here that I can draw no direct conclusion from that, other than the belief that the Sheriff received this information first-hand, or from his investigation team. The Sheriff did say, however that the Congresswoman was the target of the attack. Is this what we have become? My prayers, thoughts and very best wishes to the victims, their families, the entire 8th District, the State of Arizona, and our nation. I am In His Care, Budroe |
| This evening, I will be playing the Character in a group dinnner setting of the famous board game "Clue". I'm being typecast--again to reprise a role which seems to fall upon me with regularity: the snippy, gruff, self-indulgent puffed up professor with a grand plan, a sneer, and a secret that belies his otherwise and generally unpleasant disposition. It should be fun. I'll let you know. Even "in character", I do remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| This is specifically the reason why I do not make New Year's Resolutions. Blue days. Black days. I had two in a row, and was feeling pretty good about the content. Well, I made three out of four. I can always shoot for 364/365. That's a much better percentage. Have you made resolutions or a life plan for 2011? What would you most like to accomplish this year? I hope you will share it here. In His Care, Budroe |
| Thanksgiving. Christmas. Birthday/New Year's Eve. New Years. 1/1/11 A Day of New Beginnings The first day of a month, year, and decade in a new century. Surely, this once-in-a-century date indicates the possibilities of new beginnings. At least that's the way I'm interpreting it. I've been thinking today of those things that I would like to, or should begin. Some are really simple; some are quite difficult and might even seem (to me or others) purely impossible. Ah, the impossible. I'm used to the impossible. Yet, this is a time of new beginnings. I have determined for myself that I am going to take up a challenge, and work very hard to be "average", or "normal" this year. It's not a bad way to begin, but it will take some work. I've moved to a new location that will (has already become) home for me. It's been a very long time since I had the sense of having roots. I'm going to work this year to do that. I'm going to begin a new financial philosophy this year as well, but it will be quite difficult. However, I have already accomplished my goal, with an amazing amount of assistance from Sara and others. It may seem simple, but when you have the amazing luxury of living on a very fixed income, saving more than you spend can be a nearly impossible challenge. Knowing it is possible (because I have already done it) makes it a purpose to achieve on a regular basis. I'm going to begin to live again. For more than four years now, I have been focused on not dying. Day by day, this has been my first and last thought for each day. I do not take the grace and mercy given me lightly, but I think I'm actually supposed to do something with the gifts I have been given. While it will be true that most of my living will be through the writing I do, and especially the writing I do right here, I will strive to change my mental set to one of choosing those things that result in my living. Yes, I must still (and for the rest of my life) be a patient; that goes without saying. I have help here now that compels me to do my very best every day. I have some serious anger management issues these days. I'm going to begin to change that. I choose to because I can. I am doing some self-therapy (yes, I know. But I can afford me!) to create better mechanisms for handling my anger. I've got a lot of it, and most of it I do not understand. So, I'll take it one step at a time. It's a good time to begin that project. What will this year bring me? Everything it will. I'm not responsible for what comes. I'm responsible for determining how I will respond or react to what comes. I've done a pretty good job of that, but I want to begin to be more proactive. That will bring much needed change to my life, and my world. I'll begin working on that. These are just a few of the things I want to begin this year. I'd love to hear what things you would like to begin this year. Make it as wild as you want, or as real as you can. This is a time of new beginnings. Let's share a few of them together, In His Care, Budroe |
| Okay, so this is the part where I'm all refreshed, full of energy, vim, vitality and vigor...right? Fahgeddaboudit! Welcome to the wonder that IS 2011! I could look back over this year, and consider thoughtfully some of the many blessings which I have known in 2010: Friends Moving AAA2010 Writing, and a few award recognitions along the way Life in general, better than anticipated, less than planned You can find writings of those realities inside the pages of this blog. I hope you will. To me, the concept widely held by most folks is that the first day of the first month of the new year is like a "clean page" or "clean screen". It is error-free, requires no editing, and calls to the muse in unhalting praise. Okay, I'm good with that! I recently suffcelebrated through a birth day. One of the greatest points of that entire ordeevent occurred just now, as I opened this blog to compose this entry. As I slowly read down the header, I realized that every single person responsible for that header wished me a happy birth day. On top of that, I am visiting Sara to share the New Year festivities, and am writing this entry on HER computer. Now, that is just too cool! It's been a while since that header was first created. Yet, those friends whose love and compassion led to the creation of this written record of my journey through and beyond the valley are still on the journey with me. I am especially grateful for that, even as I realize that others have joined along the way, and lift me up even now. If there were ever an opportunity for an historical year, 2011 is it. Given the opportunity, there will be much written by these fingers this year. Some groups will be brought forward, some activities will be presented to WDC, and the reviews will again flow. I will continue writing new words, but not until February as I have given myself a respite from that responsibilitiy--with the exception of this blog. Plans? Yep, I've got some. Writing? Yep, there will be new writing, and much editing after a winter of enough new words to fill three books. Contests? Yes. I will be hosting my very own contest this year. It will be designed with the serious writer in mind, with the notion of bringing forward the very best writers, and writing of 2011. (You might want to start your idea-gathering now! My readers are among the very best, most talented writers and artists in our community, after all! ) No, REALLY!For today, this is a "Blue" day in the Blogosphere. No resolutions. Ideas. The clean screen screams for nothing concrete, you see. Just the ideas sufficient to begin a year whose history has yet to be written. A year where, if we choose, we can imagine and create great things. That's just an awesome way to begin anything, much less a year, a decade, or a life. In His Care, Budroe |
| Some call it the "After The Holiday Blues". Decompression is a process. After an extended Holiday Season, there is within me this intrinsic sadness. Those who are Ninja-type celebrants of every holiday are already planning the next year's celebration, or the next Holiday. For more than 26 years, these days have been my usual time of relaxation and rest after hectic busy-ness from before Thanksgiving. Now, I am celebrating with much less energy and focus. This year, however, the Annual Advent Adventure lifted me up into an old habit: work. It was work, and not just for me. Our participants this year did an outstanding job. They dedicated themselves not just to the event, but the purpose. It was a very important time for us all. Life-strong friendships have been made; breakthroughs were realized, and peace was found. It was a dynamic, sweat-causing activity that found Dad, and stayed with Him during 25 consecutive days. I hope that string is on-going even now and will be for many years to come for all who took part. New Year's is fast approaching, and already things are feeling "normal" again. I hate that. I miss the daily interaction with those adventurers, just as I have always missed those who made my Holidays so special. Whether performers, event attenders, or students it seems as if a breach opens up after the holidays for me. I am very lucky and blessed, indeed to have the ability to celebrate these holidays, and I am completely aware of that. It wasn't supposed to be that way, according to those who were "in the know", you know. As for my holidays, they were spectacular! I was surrounded by loving friends who made a real effort to provide me with a meaningful holiday season that would lift my spirits (and my blood sugar!) at every turn. It was, for the most part very successful. Yes, there were some sad moments, too. Distraction was a featured item of these holidays for me. For the most part, we celebrated good things and just agreed not to pay attention to things financial or medical. I was, when I chose to be, in the company of those who care for me and about me. That is a great gift, and significant improvement for me. And, there was a loving creature in my world for this Christmas that was a first: my pet cat "W.T. Fields", who gave me notice that this whole idea of leaving for two days at a time is unacceptable. Yet, as I unloaded the car today, his interest had nothing to do with me, per se. He was much more interested in the presents which, as is his due (ask him, he'll tell ya!) now belong to him! I felt good about things, and maybe even a little bit about my self. In three days, I will celebrate the completion of my 55th year of life. That suddenly seems like a very large number to me, personally. I know. There are many here who see that as being a youngster, and I am grateful for your example. Yet, there are many more here who see that, as I do. "I didn't know humans LIVED that long!" Well, in this case, that's quite a statement. Yet, all things considered, I am very lucky indeed. I am in better health than I have been in a very long time, mostly. Things do continue, and my number one issue right now is blood sugar, which is absolutely NOT under control. I am being a moderately compliant patient, but not nearly enough. For those of you who understand such things, my last A1C was in excess of 12. (6 is normal.) I have the more than wonderful assistance of my friend Sara, her family and friends. I have a home care worker who is a dream. I have meals delivered to help me eat appropriately. So, what's to complain about? I'm not complaining. I'm telling you that this time, between holidays and at the close of an amazing year, has brought to me a sense of intrinsic sadness. I know that there are many who feel it, too. I share your grief, your loss and your sadness. But, I also want you to know that there is within me the eternal "hope addict". We are very nearly upon a brand new year, a completely clean blogging slate (what better thing is there than that?), and a year full of hope, possibility, expectation, love and friendship. There is much to look forward to if we choose to. Right now, I have to go put my (?) gifts away. The tree will wait. There is a superstition that taking the tree down before after the first of the year yields bad luck in the coming year. I'm not pushing it. I need good luck, too. So do we all. In America, we are facing some very difficult times ahead. Here at Chateau de Budroe, we are going to take things one at a time. I hope you will, too. I do remain, In His Care, Budroe |
| I want to take this opportunity to wish all my WDC family a very happy and Merry Christmas. I have thought of you fondly today, and have spent time in prayer for you. Thank you for being such people that I would so wish to petition my Dad to bring you His joy, love, peace and mercy. You are so very important in my life. You love and care for me in very real ways, and I love each one of you. It has been a busy day here. The Fat Man arrived early, and has been "re-appearing" all day long to bring his goodies to several groups of family and friends. Somehow, he even figured out my new address, and left some wonderment under the tree for me, too (Listen, he's impressive, I tells ya!) Even now, the second meal is being devoured, and yet more presents remain to be opened. Games and singing will follow with the coffee and pie (Ooooh, my achin' blood sugar! But HEY! It's Christmas! )The Annual Advent Adventure ended today. This was an amazing event which was, according to the polls, enjoyed by all participants, including Sara and I. It was a meaningful event that, over 25 consecutive days, has led to many life-strong friendships being formed, and lives being changed. Dad very definitely showed up, and showed off for the adventurers. The work was incredible with each day's activities. I'm very happy for them, and unspeakably proud of the adventurers this year. They poured their everything into the adventure, and all came away feeling they had gotten a lot more than they left. We will plan to do it again next year. We will advertise earlier, and with other changes expect that hundreds will join us for the 2011 edition. It has been proven now. A book will come from it, so our adventurers will have a handy guide with some significant creative writing opportunities. Thank you to all those who participated this year. You made it an amazing journey, indeed. I'm choosing to not write new words in January, 2011. After two consecutive months of daily deadlines and intense interactions, I need to renew my batteries. Winter is the time of new words, and many tens of thousands of them have already been produced. February and March will see some tasks finished, with other tasks being begun. I look forward to that. But, I am kind of looking forward to spending a few days in the real world, too. That's a huge change for me. I think that was a very special present from my Dad. See, I told you He loves me! In His Care, Budroe |
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