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Because I usually am in Vino ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** In 2009, I gave up my studies as a medievalist and musician, left my home, my family, my life and moved to Provence in southern France for a guy. In 2012, I moved away from him to study wine. Today, I'm a vagabond sommelier working in Paris at one of the oldest and most famous restaurants in the world, struggling to find some purpose to what I deem the rest of my life. I'm still married and after 8 10 years, I'm still trying to fit-in with French life and culture and to understand why the French are the way they are. Because they're weird in a different way that I think Americans are weird. Perhaps it's me who's weird. |
| Today I was a big girl and filed my US taxes. Don't yell at me but I hadn't bothered since I moved to France in 2009. In part because I couldn't be bothered, in part because for the first few years of living here I had no income to file and in part because I spent the first few years too much of a mental mess trying to deal with the French to deal with the US. Anyway, I sat down and did it for part of yesterday and today and it was a mess. But I got it done. All these papers to prove to the US government that I'm not interesting and have no money. Nor am I claiming any stimulus checks or refunds. Just take your stupid paperwork and go. I warned my husband that this is probably going to cause "a thing" because I haven't filed in 10 years and now the IRS is probably going to want to know where I have been since 2009. But one filing at a time. And honestly if the IRS and US government are going to get themselves in a tizzy for someone who makes next to nothing after taxes and living expenses they need to get their priorities in order. But I'm afraid that when I apply for French citizenship it might come up. Or if one day I need to go back to the States for whatever reason. I'm not planning on it but I told myself I'd never do a lot of things that I ended up doing. I also worked on my student loan deferments but I can't send those electronically because... because... why not? They will have to wait until I can gain access to a printer. Still, I feel like it's one small step towards being a better adult. I don't know why I should care. I don't want or have a lot of the things most people my age have and it suits me fine. I guess maybe it's the principle of the thing. I often consider myself a responsible person but in terms of finances and a lot of "serious stuff" I have failed miserably. I feel like if I can manage this, maybe, eventually, I can climb out of my crappy career situation and find something that allows me to have a personal life and not feel so miserable all the time. Or maybe I can learn balance a personal life with my crappy career and not put so much emphasis on something so insignificant. I don't hate my job, but it's a lot of stress for something that isn't really essential. Yes, restaurants and hospitality bring a moment of pleasure, a real memorable experience, and wine is a great existential, ephemeral medium, but in the long term it's A LOT of stress and abuse for something that isn't that important. And the hours I work- often 10 or 12 hour days are a bit much. Maybe with this small step I can learn to stop running away from shit. |
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I think it's awesome that you're using that negative experience to get creative. It's hard not to just wallow when those things happen. I use a paper journal for most of my actual coping process too, but I do share bits and pieces on WDC as well.
Might try a short story a day instead. Stay safe. 
