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Sunday, May. 5, 2024

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In Vino

by Veritas

Rated: 18+ · Book · Personal · #2140872

You will find Veritas

Because I usually am in Vino

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

In 2009, I gave up my studies as a medievalist and musician, left my home, my family, my life and moved to Provence in southern France for a guy. In 2012, I moved away from him to study wine.

Today, I'm a vagabond sommelier working in Paris at one of the oldest and most famous restaurants in the world, struggling to find some purpose to what I deem the rest of my life. I'm still married and after 8 10 years, I'm still trying to fit-in with French life and culture and to understand why the French are the way they are. Because they're weird in a different way that I think Americans are weird.

Perhaps it's me who's weird.

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

Charlie ~

Nov 1, 2020 at 4:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Oh hey, my relationship is similar!

I think it's awesome that you're using that negative experience to get creative. It's hard not to just wallow when those things happen. I use a paper journal for most of my actual coping process too, but I do share bits and pieces on WDC as well.

Charlie ~

Oct 30, 2020 at 7:22pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I hope NaNo does the trick in distracting you at the very least and healing you at best. I was planning on participating, but I realized I can't concentrate on a single idea for more than an hour.

Might try a short story a day instead. Stay safe.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Oct 30, 2020 at 1:35pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Great that you are back.

Moved?

We are going into lockdown here in Missoula but most of the region between Washington and New York resents any suggestion that they should care about others so the numbers soar. Both France and the US have other critical issues as well.

I'm doing NaNo... in my own way. Already started.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Aug 20, 2020 at 3:28pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Yep, rant. If you were here ... I'd say be prepared to dust and clean. Our summers are that dry. Customers? Many Americans can be rowdy but appreciative after a 'drought'. The French? Place and people. One can guess ... and that's about it.

Wordsmitty ✍️

Aug 20, 2020 at 1:17pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've found myself in very similar situations and have tried the old "Give them enough rope and they'll ..." But as you note, many folks can't even figure out how to tie a knot! I know that's not really helpful, but at least you can see the situation and have the strength and courage to get through it. Rants are good for the soul.

Veritas

Jul 18, 2020 at 8:58am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Sometimes I wonder why I can't just let it go the way some people are able to. After all, I wasn't the first, I won't be the last and what happened was so clouded in alcohol that I can't even tell you concretely if I ever said "No" not that it matters anyway. I went along with it because I thought I was supposed to. Which makes it all worse I guess. I don't know. But I do wish I could just get over it and move on.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jul 13, 2020 at 5:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

But you can come forward here. And that's a plus. Rant as much as you want.

I don't always share some traumas from my past as I don't want to relive them. Some are wrapped with layers of shame and blame I choose not to revisit. Some I've dealt with, found some peace, or just 'forgot'. Some I rant about.

We all heal in different ways. Expressing the rage is one theraputic way.

Much healthier than keeping it all in.

1 Like

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jun 16, 2020 at 6:13pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Yes... little community here at WDC.

I'm 'chatty' so I comment alot. Very little commenting in return. Much nicer back-in-the-day.

Yes, amateurs (which is fine, we all need to start somewhere) and those who are not interested in anyone outside their orbit. Very sad; but, I find a similar problem here in Montana ... folks don't reach out. Been here 12 long years. Had more interaction in Tulsa back-in-the-day. Maybe the culture has shifted as well. It's okay to sit behind a screen but not okay to hide behind one. Just my opinion.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jun 14, 2020 at 1:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I remember odd snippets from KU. It was mostly a positive experience. High school or my first two years of university? A roller-coaster I got off and don't want to get back on. Yes, I should write about it but I'd rather do other things ... anything.

As for leaving WDC. Important to have everything backed up and anything important printed out. You could always just go 'basic' and that would allow you to peek in and comment when the urge hits you.

I barely keep in touch with anyone pre 2010. Sad. I could feel guilty but former friends aren't making much effort either. Nor are new ones. I feel very very isolated.

Kåre Enga in Montana

Jun 14, 2020 at 1:46pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I stay because I have nowhere else to go.

I've cut and run in my personal life ... mostly that didn't work out well.

When some writers here went to Open Salon they were very happy. But that closed and WDC is still here. Many drifted off to spacebook. They're still there, kinda... but that place is a mindfield.

I tried years ago to have better connections with local writers but I don't do 'groups' well and frankly ... they did not welcome me. But the group at the open group at the library persists ... if the library were open.

I'm thinking about moving back to the plains. Real people. Real relationships. Real boring.

I have to avoid drama in real life. Drama on-line is bad for me as well. My nerves can't take it.

But where to go?

May 6, 2020 at 5:41am

#982880

In which I can't adult

It's clear I've failed as an adult.

All of my US student loan emails go through an old account that I hadn't looked at in months. I happened to look at it today and discover that my student loans which I had put on deferment sometime in the past are many days overdue. Forbearance is gone. I forgot to renew the deferment and with everything closed, I can't do it now.

I can't find masks in the stores here. I don't know if I'll be able to get up to Paris anytime soon to check on my apartment.

I haven't filed taxes in the US since moving to France. People tell me this was the wrong thing to do. Despite having no taxable income or any assets or really connection to the US at all. I don't live there anymore. I have a passport with an American stamp but that's all.

And quite frankly, I don't care about any of it. I look at this financial wreck of my life and wonder why it all can't just go away. I can't deal with it. It makes me panicky and angry and feel like a total failure so I just don't deal with it. One day it will probably come back to bite me in the ass. I'll get arrested coming into the States to visit my family or something. They'll confiscate my passport and what? I have no assets in France. I don't own anything.

I know I should deal with this stuff, but I can't. I don't want to. I hate all of it.

Just thinking about all the bureaucratic and financial crap I've avoided all my life is enough to make my anxiety go right through the roof and cause me to break down. Why can't I adult? I can't keep on top of this. I don't know what to do or where to start.

So I'm going to take a shower and then bake bread I have rising on the kitchen counter.

The day started out so well. I got up early. Started the bread, did some yoga, was feeling pretty good about ... things... and by 11:30am it's all fallen apart. I just want someone to take it off my hands, to take all of this off my hands. I don't want to be responsible for student loans, taxes, papers, documents, passports, and all the rest of that crap. I just want to live my life. I pay taxes in France. I'm a law abiding citizen. I do the best I can. All the rest of that stuff is so unappealing to me and feels so unnecessary. And now I'm drowning in it. Or if I'm not yet, I will be one day.

At least I don't have children who will inherit my mess when I'm gone.

1 Like • Comment

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