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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| Today I received a negative thought about my Dad. I was told that he was possessed by three people, including Donald Trump, Winston Churchill and a man that I used to work with. I was upset at this. I started to believe it. I was told to ignore my Dad all day today. I felt a resistance to this idea. I hated that I couldn't speak to my Dad. I went down to breakfast and he was already getting finished. I said nothing to him. And he said nothing to me. I felt angry. I made my own breakfast, after he got finished with his. Then I ate but I felt as though I was going through such a mindbending experience. I want my Dad and I to get along. He never said anything to me to say that he had something wrong with his mind. I hated it and the hellish feeling I went through. I am the type of person who hates ignoring a family member, especially my Dad, who lives with me and is my only relative for miles and miles. I decided that I had enough of this idea and went back to my bed. I think I prayed to Jesus to help me. Then I fell asleep. Then a few minutes ago I got up and decided that I was done with this thought. I don't think this thought has any merit. I went to the kitchen and then I saw my Dad in the front sitting room. I spoke to him and told him something about my plans. He was ok and now we're ok. The atmosphere in this house sometimes is awful and it makes me think of bad things about some people, especially my Dad. I don't know but this thought had visited me several times before. I have to find a way to resist this thought. I want to be a regular human being and not get swayed by irrational thoughts. I guess in the future I'll pray to Jesus and ask Him to help me to think of my Dad in a positive way. |
| It's an early morning for me. I am still having pain in my knee. This has gone on for a while but I'm taking pain meds as needed. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. I guess it's due to the aging process. Those mechanisms to heal take more time. At least thats what I've read. I confess I don't do a lot of activity. This covid thing has definitely made me feel so imprisoned in my home. I've tried to amuse myself with looking on stuff online. I haven't fallen for the odd ad to see how to order food weekly. I did that twice. The first time I subscribed to Blue Apron. They were good. I got to follow the directions. Each week, a menu of food ingredients arrived by FEDEX and I had to put the things away. There were three entrees and then each of them had side dishes. There were chicken or beef or pork. The vegetables were the ones I had to prep and that took me some time. I confess I'm not into vegetables. Sometimes they just took too much for me to work on. I also started to feel a dread when the box arrived. It's weird but I started feeling like, Oh my God here it is again. I had gotten a bit too lazy. So I stopped the subscription. Then again I saw another ad for Martha Stewart's subscription. I can't remember the name, something funky. So I got the same sort of thing in the FEDEX boxes. I decided to ditch making the vegetable dishes. I just went to make the meat and that was good. I think if I had enough in my budget I'd try it again, but I'll see if there's an option to forget having vegetables. I hated vegetables in my early youth. I thought however that the directions they gave made me a better cook. I now rely on cookbooks to make dishes. I love to try something that's new but not hard to make. I remember one time when my professor gave me the option to go to a Cancer conference in Toronto. Wow I loved the place. I went with my stepmom because she had a pen pal there she hadn't met in person. The conference was a dim memory. All I remember were a few things. One of them was on a morning stroll out by the hotel, I remember it was chilly. The conference was in April. There was a handsome guy who was singing in an operatic voice. I was awed by his voice and the song he was singing. I thought, Wow, is he someone who's a famous opera singer? I wasn't into opera then. I merely let him pass me by and then I went on with my stroll. Then another time my stepmom's pen pal arranged to meet us and we went to their Mall. They had a buffet restaurant. I saw this dish that they called "Shepherd's Pie". I immediately glommed on the vision of this pie and asked to have a portion. All I remember from the lunch was me eating it. it was so fucking good. I said to myself, I'm going to make this dish when I get a chance. The rest of the visit with this pen pal was shopping which my stepmom loved. The pen pal was a Canadian-Chinese lady. She apparently was a shopoholic. She bought herself a new pair of shoes that day. I thought it was funny. I didn't buy anything. So with this Shepherd's Pie, I decided to make it. I didn't do a good job. Mashing the potatoes was a chore! My hand got so sore as I kept mashing the potatoes and it never got mashed enough. I gave up and decided to cook the meat and then I was so disappointed and sad about the whole thing. I never did make another recipe of it. Now I think if I had the ingredients I could try it again. I had no masher thingy to mash the potatoes. I also didn't cook them well enough. I have a cook book that I found that had a good recipe. Maybe one day I'll make it. I'm into food a lot. I mean I like to eat. There are times I could eat like a horse. I am quite sad that I do. I tried to see about losing some weight. I fluctuated in weight from high school, college, grad school and work. And so when I got a desk job I gained a few more pounds. I decided (haha) that I would join WeightWatchers. That seemed to work. All these points that I should eat (they have a point system) I wanted to make sure that I didn't go over. I also joined a gym. That gym was for retirees. yeah, it was not the place to meet men, haha. But they had an elliptical machine which I mastered. And treadmills and some other machines. So little by little I lost weight. I got to wear a few more things that were sizes 10 or so. I had gottten to be a size 12, you see. Anyway, the WW thing started to bore me. Once I made spaghetti carbonara and it was so good. It was a recipe from that Kitchen Goddess book. It had a great taste and then I made the mistake of adding up the points to this recipe. Wow, it was like 24 points, which was the amount for an entire day's eating. I decided not to make that recipe again! I don't diet anymore. I merely eat when I'm hungry. And I do take my water seriously. I also like to make smoothies. They make me feel good. I also like to make curry rice, or some sort of seasoned rice. I discovered cous cous. And also I discovered some other carb that i can't remember the name of. I bought other people's cook books. I made cookies by Ina Garten. And also some recipes by Jamie Oliver. His fish stew is good, it was so good that I made it with cod (a fish I don't care to eat by itself). I also tried to make pizza and rolls, and other things Now that I'm blogging about food, I'm getting hungry. I think I'll stop here and see what's in the fridge! |
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