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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| There isn't any food left in the fridge. A part of a frozen fried chicken box, some frozen hamburger patties, eggs, a few slices of bacon,some sausages, bread, some almond milk, butter, and that's all. My stepfather tells me that he only has $14 in his bank account because I've spent some money with his card on Amazon on food that's microwavable. And a few other items that I needed and also for my boyfriend, Colin. I asked my stepfather if he was going to the grocery today. He said he only had $14 left in the bank so he didn't think he'd get anything with it. He said his pension from Social Security will not get to his bank until the 3rd of the month (August). So we're going to be subsisting on the available food here. I also see some tinned meat, corned beef, vienna sausage, sardines in the cupboard. I know there's still rice so I can make some of my favorite curry rice. We have dog and cat food. I've joined LuLaRoe again. I think that this might be a better way to spend some of the time I have since I've not been writing much. I fear that writing has made me feel a great deal of ups and downs. Writing is fun when it happens but afterwards I get so sad and depressed and I think that the bastards hate that I've written something with my Muse. They can't stand that I have a Muse. I think every writer has a Muse. Now that I'm in with LuLaRoe, I could spend time with promoting the clothes. It'll be more like a real business. I'll be engaged with the people who will be training me along the way. I wasn't quite sure that before I could participate for I had fears and I didn't think that I could be part of it. I know that people have some goal in mind when they sell. I should have probably stayed on longer but people who were in my group were not that helpful. I had problems with the website they gave me. It was a difficult onboarding time but now I think I'll be ok and there will be people who will want to shop with me. I love the shopping thing but only when I have time. I hate shopping and dawdling through lots of racks of clothes and not finding anything and then if I did and tried it on it wouldn't fit right. I would spend lots of time going in and out of the little closets they have for shoppers to try clothes on and then I'd have to put all my real clothes on and find another size out in the floor. I would get armloads of clothes that wouldn't fit me and put them back on the racks by the fitting room area. I think some places are also bogus. I bought a pair of Lee jeans at Kohls that fit me. Then I decided to see if Macy's had the same thing and they did but it did NOT fit me. So I hate Macy's now. I would go to Kohls to shop if I had money. I think they have a nice selection of styles, and workout clothes too (yoga and running and just hanging out clothes). Macy's well, it's terrible and very expensive to shop there. There are some designers that fit ok. I think it's too stressful anyway to do this. I don't have time to shop for clothes in the mall. I've not been to the mall here for ages. I think I've lost track of who sold what there. They used to have a Gap and they closed it. They used to have Eddie Bauer and they closed it. They used to Abercrombie and Fitch (which by the way are racist) and they too closed it. JC Penney still stands, and then the Kohls. Sears used to be big and we went there to get a new tire when we needed. Now it's closed too. I like some of their food court places but now I'm unable to go there as there's no real money to spend on restaurants. It's a very frugal life we have. I'm trying to do what I can. I make pancakes at every hour of the day and night and eat them. Now our syrup is running low so I guess pancakes are out for a while. I have to eat what is left. I'm going to have to pray a lot of prayers to Jesus and ask Him to make a miracle because I can't think of how I can survive. My stepfather is not good. I think he's hiding money somewhere. I think he's planning to abandon me. I think he will and spend money that he's gotten illegally and then retire somewhere where the weather is warmer. Then i'm going to be all by myself and think of how to pay the mortgage and utility bills and find a car that's used that I can drive to get groceries. I hope that this is not all true that this stepfather is not that hateful and meanspirited. The man is 91 years old. I think he's getting more selfish in his old age. He thinks I'm a deadbeat writer who can't make money off of my books. I think he thinks anything I try to get into will fail. He's so depressing. Well, I'm sorry this is a depressing blog post. I can't do much now. I need to get carbs so my brain cells are better and happier and maybe I'll get some sort of grace from the food and I'll be able to keep on with life. |
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